Why does my ex partner treat me this way?


Its been so long since I've been in my elationship with my ex patner 7months in fact, however we had been kind of keeping in contact, but as it was all on his terms I had to end it for my own sanity, I did the letter thing that everyone suggested doing- moving on agreeing with the break up blah blah blah, but he doesn't seem to care, we spent 4 years together, he didn't want 2 let go of me, but he didn't seem 2 want me properly either. But now he has just disappeared as if I just don't exsist, I love him so much and know that he loves me 2 but what is all this stuff really dazzagal

Your not taking the hint very well. You may have had his love in the past, but his feeling have changed, and he has disappeared from your life to get over you, and the failed relationship, and get on with his own life.

You need to do the same, and get on with your life as he has. 7 months is far to long to assume how someone feels, in the face of the FACTS of the matter. He is GONE!

Don't blame him, just let go as he has.

Why are you still holding on? He's disappeared which means he's let go and moved on. You need to do the same. The 4 years you shared are the past now.

It wasn't that way, althogh initially we broke up 7months ago we have been trying 2 reconcile since- it was a long and painfull road that we tried to get over together, you see I had a stalker who made both our lives unbearable. Damage to property cars houses and we at first grew stronger, and now we have just pulled each other apart, he has told me that he loves me still- this stalker is now in prison and this should have made things easier but...
He started to treat me differently, he started not 2 call, he started to respond, but when I told him that I didn't want to be treated that way and maybe we should end this if he couldn't change this, he then said that he would call me in a month and see where we were at- he didn't want me but he didn't want 2 let me go! What does this really mean? I know there is no-one else that he's seeing, does he just want 2 control me?

Fact- he has disappeared from your life.

Translation- Its over as far as he is concerned.

OK, so why when I tried to end it because of the way he was treating me, did he then try 2 reverse it by keeping the communication open and say he would call and see where we were both at after a month, he tells me that he wants it, he says that he just needs time, why do people do this if they don't want it?

I think your letting your feeling get in the way. He plants the seeds of false hope, but I think he is trying to ease you away from him, while he carries on with whatever he is doing.

The bottom line is you must make your own decision, and follow your own course of actions, without his influence. Waiting for him to make the decision you want is a perfect waste of time. That's another fact.

Sorry, I know how much you want to get back to a better time with him, I just don't see it happening.

How and why do couples get back together after they have split up? Why does he say he wants it and he misses me, if he is saying it 2 ease my pain as you have suggested why when I tried to break it off because of his lack of thought for me, why did he try to keep it all open and in the air again, I have read this book about getting together with ex-partners and how people do it all the time- even after long amounts of time, they can't all be wrong can they?
I know that from what friends are saying, he's lost and confused and really wants to be with me, everyone's input is confusing me, and I'm sure him too, if he's getting on with whatever he is doing- why is he doing it so unhappily, its hard to answer without all the facts I know
That, but honestly I don't want 2 let it go, and he says that he doesn't either, but he wnt do anything about it- that just doesn't make sense

You and only you understand the situation that you are in. You and your boyfriend were together for 4 years so the dynamic between you two is unique. Couples can and do get back together all the time. Even still, you shouldn't use that as a reason to dwell on him and the past because the opposite is also just as true. Every situation is different and no person on this site can tell you how it really is with him. All we can do is prepare you for the worst. Really the only way to approach your situation is this: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Hope this makes sense.

This is all so messed up seriously, why don't people just do what they say, and mean what they do.
I would understand so much more if it were to slap me in the face and say I DNT WANT U Anymore! At least I would know the score, but no its all about games and not letting go and keeping your options open and all that,
I understand what you are saying and thank you for your response, preparing for worst is good I suppose, anything else is a bonus! Well not quiet anything, but hey I do follow at uve said- but unfortunately its still all very messed up and I don't know where to start

I read this book recently about getting an ex back, and people say thet it happens all the time, just as you have, but why can't I seem to find anyone that does actually have a good story to tell instead of a bad/sad one, is it just that the people who are happy just don't realise they r- or is it that just no one is really happy? Is there such a thing as a happy ending?

You're right. It is all about games and keeping your options open and all of that stuff. This is the way most people are. Everyone is selfish and thinks that they can do better than whatever it is they have. Then you break up and reunite years later only because the dumper realizes their mistake and the dumpee has been holding on to the past. Then you lie to yourself by saying that you were meant to be or whatever makes you feel good and hides the truth about all that has happened between you. When in reality all that has happened is that no one wanted each of you as much as you wanted each other initially. So you can wait for this to happen or find someone who will stick by you no matter what. Don't hold on to the past and forget people who are confused about their feelings for you.

That book you read is full of crap. There are endings (When you re-unite with an ex). You just have to put a happy spin on them. It's called being positive.

That does make very much sense, in a strange way, but I don't know if you followed the beginning of my story where I had the outside hurtfull actions of a stalker- I did, myself and my partner had an extremely good relationship until the interventions of this stalker guy, and then it went downhill from there, for 2 years so good and then for 2 years further we stuck together thrugh the toughest times of our lives-eventually it just ripped us apart, the things that my stalker said and did made us both doubt each other, but I could see through this, I knew my partner and I had faith in him, but his faith in me started to disappear, in his own words he just felt like I had been violated and he couldn't do anything to help or protect me, I know he blames himself, I don't know how 2 help him or me! The stalker is in prison now, my ex told me that he wanted to take it slowly and get to a good place again with me, he misses me- we spent some really lovely times together since the split and I believed we were working through things, but it seemed to be different and quiet controlling on his part whenever he was ready 2 call hed call, but wldnt ansa my calls, when I didn't call he would call me, he was busy with work and then hed just ring and expect me to be available- he was never like that before, what happened to him?
I then told him that I didn't want to be trated that way it wasn't fair and that I that it better for us to end it. Not what I wanted but for my sanity I mean, he then kept it open by saying that he would call me in a month and c where we were at! Was that his fear of losing it? Or was he trying again 2 have that control? Why do people play these games?

I did follow the beginning of the story and I appreciate that there were some outside influences on your relationship. My whole point is that no matter what happens or how it happens, it still has an effect on your relationship. All the stalker did was bring up issues that are present in all relationships. It takes a strong couple to doubt each other, fall in and out of love and still stay together. Playing games with each other just indicates a lack of respect. Once that is gone, it probably won't come back. How can it? You now know the person as they really are.

To answer your questions:

He's not afraid of losing you. He's just trying to see if he can function without you. (And by the way, he can).

Of course he wants control of the relationship. Aren't you exercising control by telling him you don't want to be treated like that?

People play games because they can. It makes them feel desirable. Plain and simple.

No I don't wnt 2 control him in anyway, but I do have the right not to be treated that way, as do we all, he never used to want 2 control anything, so I don't undrestand why now? We didn't play games during the relationship, but in my opinion I think he was trying to protect me and look after me after the stalker thing- but it all then went 2 far and became an obsssion. And dealt with things wrong

I never implied that you played games during your relationship. But now that it's over between you (as a couple) he can do whatever he wants (ie play games). What you really need to understand is that for the time being (maybe from now on) you are no longer together. Who cares what happened and how. The specifics are unimportant because it wasn't enough to hold you to each other. All you need to know is that it did and you two weren't capable of keeping it together. Get over him. Seven months is a long time. I've been broken up now for seven months as well and I thought the events leading up to my break up were extraordinary too (just like you do). They're not. Real couples work it out together, not alone.

Its been three weeks that we haven't really been together but I left our house 7months ago, I know we arnt together but he has not got the right 2 do what ever he wants keeping me a part of it! Yes alone he has the right 2 do what he wants I agree with that. But he keeps on changing his mind on what it is that he does want, he doesn't seem to want me when I'm there but he does when I'm not now that is all very wrong and the reason that I'm am still so confused,

I understand that you are very confused and hurt by all of this. What he's doing is not right and if he loved and respected you he wouldn't put you through it. It has to be you that puts an end to this. If he can have you whenever he wants, he will fully take advantage of this. Trust me. Don't let him do this to you. What if he decides he doesn't want you anymore? You will have lost respect for yourself and it'll take 7 more months (maybe more?) to recover from all this.

End it. Take back the control (Over your relationship and your life). Life is too short to chase after someone who doesn't know if they love you or not.

You can read all the books you want on how to get your ex back but the point remains that if your ex don't want you back you can't change their mind.

You agreed to the break up and even wrote a letter. I guess you got use to your ex trying to get you back in the beginning of the break-up but since he stopped now your mad.

He disappear because he accepting that it's over but you can't. You liked when he kept in contact probably beging you to get back together. Now you want to try what he tried to do.

You can ask " why he did this, why he isn't doing this and read all the books from the experts, but in reality you need to move on. Let it go and stop living in the past and wake up. It's over, it's over! The fat lady done sung and went home.

Work on healing yourself instead of doing what your doing. It a waste of time and money and will leave you more frustrated and you might get migrines from this, even depression.

Today is a new day and a new start to moving on.

Happy Easter!

I AGREE with that which is why I asked him not to treat me this way anymore and said that it would be best for us to end it there, not really wanting the end but knowing that I could not ask him to change- then his reply was ill call u in a month and lets see where we r both at, this just felt like him trying 2 have that control again=but I have had no contact with him 4 3 weeks now at all, what I am asking is will he realise that he can't have me when he wants me at his beckncall and will he start to put in some effort if this is what he really wants- we have stuck together through really tough times, he is a really stubborn man more than I've evr seen anyone that stubborn- and will he cut off his nose to spite his face? Thank u for talking to me by the way I really do appreciate your input- I am listening to u even if u think I'm not hearing u properly