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    hulahula157's Avatar
    hulahula157 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 23, 2007, 09:03 AM
    How do I treat my ex?
    I've been looking through the posts on this site, which have been helpful, but am looking for some advice on my particular situation.

    We dated for about 6 months and then my ex broke up with me (very amicable break up, my ex just thought that we didn't click). We see each other every day as we work for the same company on the same floor. I want to know how to treat my ex when we cross paths. I have had a hard time getting over my ex and so I am going to NC after about 2 months of trying to be 'friends'. Being 'friends' has made it nearly impossible for me to get my ex out of my head and be able to put myself out there for a new relationship.

    So, how do I go NC with my ex given my situation? Do I ignore my ex entirely, or just say the occasional 'hi'? How do I tell my ex that I am going NC and to please not contact me, etc.

    Thanks in advance for all your help.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Dec 23, 2007, 09:16 AM
    Yeah its tough being so close to her, but No contact is the way to go, and you need no formal announcement, just do it. NC doesn't mean to be rude, just distant, as the casual passing is a smile and hello, and keep any conversation short, and business only. She will get the picture especially if you initiate nothing, and brush her contact aside. FRIENDLY, BUT BRIEF, AND BUSY, means unavailable for friendship or anything else.
    hulahula157's Avatar
    hulahula157 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 23, 2007, 09:23 AM
    If I brush contact aside, won't he think I'm just being rude? I know he wants to remain friends, we always had a great amount of fun outside of work and he is definitely the type of person that I would love to be friends with, except for the emotional ties.

    How will I know when I am ready to be friends with my 'ex' again, if ever? It's a him, by the way, not a her.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Dec 23, 2007, 11:45 AM
    Being 'friends' has made it nearly impossible for me to get my ex out of my head and be able to put myself out there for a new relationship.
    Going back to friends after a relationship is tough, so getting over him is what you must do. Only then can the friends part work, if at all. The choice between seeming rude, and getting over him is your choice. Let time heal the wounds. Is it rude to heal your own wounds?
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #5

    Dec 24, 2007, 08:31 AM
    "won't he think I'm just being rude? I know he wants to remain friends"

    I believe NC means you are absolutely not looking for a positive result in the relationship. The goal is complete indifference and in the course of obtaiing that, you give your heart both time and circumstances for healing.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #6

    Dec 24, 2007, 10:09 AM
    Ignore your ex as much as possible. When you must cross paths, just be as cordial as you would to a stranger and leave it at that.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #7

    Dec 24, 2007, 10:12 AM
    If I brush contact aside, won't he think I'm just being rude? I know he wants to remain friends, we always had a great amount of fun outside of work and he is definitely the type of person that I would love to be friends with, except for the emotional ties.
    What he may think isn't for you to worry about. You'll have to decide what's best for you in this situation. If you can remain friends with him without the emotional connection then fine. But if it's too much for you to handle then don't do it.
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