[ConfusedandLost]

Remember HE gave you up... you owe him NOTHING! Walk away now... do you really want to be 2nd best in his life? No one deserves that... move on...

[s_cianci]

If he does contact me, is it okay to ignore his calls and texts? I've never done that because I always considered it rude, but I feel like I really need to stay away from him. Its the best thing for me. I just dont know how. Please advise.

It's perfectly OK. There's nothing rude about it. He doesn't own you and you don't have to drop everything at his beckon call and answer to him. If he knows you're willing to do that he'll actually lose interest and stop pursuing you because he'll know that you'll always be there. You need to be too busy to get back to him right away, if at all (or at the very least make him think that you are.) He needs to know that if he wants quality time with you then he has to make that time and if he doesn't then he loses out. That's the real trick to keeping him around.

[MissingHim2Much]

I for one would never ever want to be my ex's friend. It's all or nothing in my opinion, If he doesn't want all of me then he gets none of me!!

[ruby07]

Hey guys,

So I was happily doing my no contact for about two weeks and he texts me. I was afraid this would happen. Its like he has a radar that tells him whenever I'm happy for once, to contact me. I responded with a quick response, but why is he doing this? I'm going to try to stay busy so I don't talk to him every time he tries to get in touch with me. I'm just sick of his tactics.

[Homegirl 50]

Yep, this is a good move. Remember, he broke it off with you. You are just now coming to accept it. Leave him alone and you will heal.

[ruby07]

Hey Guys,

An update... He wants to try our relationship again after 2 months. I don't know if it was the no contact that made him come back, but I'm not sure what to do. I want him back and I want to try again but I don't think he has changed. It will take a lot of work. It seems that my feelings for him are stronger than his for me at this point. I need to be patient and not get too emotionally involved just yet. He said he wants to take things slow. I'm sure that's a good idea considering how many disagreements we had before, but what does that exactly mean? What is the best way to go about this without messing things up again?

[Homegirl 50]

He is thinking he can get you back. Leave this guy alone. You can get through this if you'd stop anwering his calls and responding to his texts.
If you mean business, act like it and stop responding to him. He has no respect for you at all.

[Ash123]

MAKE HIM WORK.

Geez, what are you his hired phone friend?
If friends is ok, keep going...if not, consider this:

You are still on his mind, but you are easy to have as a friend.
If you want to be more than friends, he MUST contact you.
And you don't have to answer....At your age (how old are you??)
relationships cannot be expected to last forever. So, he is doing what's normal.

But if you all have any chance left, it's gonna take you being a bit more...busy!
....go on a trip, a date, a movie night. try a month of no talking and see what kind
of messages you get - you may be surprised. i hate games - but today, i'll share that.

just know that games are for kids and relationships are for adults.

"See what kind of messages you get, you may be surprised..."

Well... Ok? :-)
Anyway, yes, A respectful silence after a long relationship can bear fruit and sanity.
Bit, I would take my time if I was you and listen to your gut. You are in control at this point...
Don't be vindictive, but explore the reality of your respective expectations and what -if anything - he has new to say... same ol' - same o' - can only lead to same ol' - same ol'... at the least he did some personal soul searching.

One day at a time...

[ruby07]

I got back with my boyfriend 4 weeks ago after a 2 month break up. He wanted to try again and go SLOW. I am very emotionally attached to him, but it seems that he isn't where I am just yet. He knows that I am a few steps ahead of him. He claims he is working on it. He told me he's half way there to committing 100% to me. He also told me he doesn't feel the sparks we had before. I don't understand what he means by that because we have a great connection when we are together. I didn't think its suppose to be this complicated. I tried to step back emotionally, but its so hard because I am in love with him. I don't want to lose him again. What should I do? Please help.

[mainlandkid]

Try to hide your feeling for him and take it slow... you need to give it some time

[snuffy]

I got back with my boyfriend 4 weeks ago after a 2 month break up. He wanted to try again and go SLOW. I am very emotionally attached to him, but it seems that he isn't where I am just yet. He knows that I am a few steps ahead of him. He claims he is working on it. He told me hes half way there to committing 100% to me. He also told me he doesn't feel the sparks we had before. I dont understand what he means by that because we have a great connection when we are together. I didn't think its suppose to be this complicated. I tried to step back emotionally, but its so hard because I am in love with him. I don't want to lose him again. What should I do? Please help.

I was dumped by a girlfriend 2 weeks ago and found she was pregnant 4 days ago. (she is now almost 6 weeks pregnant).

I really want her back, and I want her to want me back, but that is not happening. I think the problem is she knows how bad I want her, so maybe she has to see me move on.

But I don't want to, especially now she is carrying my baby.

Won't there be a tme when she re-considers. She is going to be lonely without me there to support her 24/7.

My only mistake in our relationship was to not give her enough space.


That is complicated huh!

[ruby07]

I see that a common advice is to give him space. But, is that okay and healthy when two people are in a relationship? Shouldn't we be working on it together? I guess its more complicated than it sounds.

[Tranquility]

For d sake of yourself worth, take it slow and he will cherish u more as time goes by

[ruby07]

I am currently in medical school. My boyfriend has a great job in business. Now, he wants to quit his job and own his own business because he will make more money that way. He is very ambitious when it comes to money so there is no doubt he will work hard, but deep down inside, I know he will hate it and regret quitting his current job. One thing that concerns him is my career path and his will not match. He says his isn't as prestigious. At first I agreed with him and tried to dissuade him from owning his own business, but it just backfired on me. Now I told him I will support him in whatever he does. We recently got back together after he broke up with me, and he is still unsure about us he says. That hurts me a lot even after showing him that I support him no matter what. Did I do the right thing by showing support? Should I find someone of my caliber even though for some reason I still love this guy? He hasn't put me as a priority ever since we have gotten back together. He hardly calls or texts me. He does make an effort to see me once a week though.

[s_cianci]

You'll have to make your own decision on this. We can't make it for you. If you don't feel that he is adequately vested in this relationship then it may be time to call it off. I think the whole job/business thing is just a red herring and has nothing to do with the real issues here.

[statictable]

I may be wrong but you've described a perfect NE-ern mind set and if I'm wrong I appologize.

The concept of education as it relates to one's social and/or intellectual tier remains strong within certain regions of this country (USA) but a far greater portion of our population has been able to clearly define that concept and in the past 20 years we've witnessed a growing sense of awareness as it relates to one's success in and out of the "mainstream."

We are more aware of the fact that a Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakof produced music without a book of instructions and you can be the Governor of California and lack any formal education.

A physician was pedestal-ized (psst-held on a pedestal) into the 4th quarter of the 20th century in much the same way a priest, rabbi, airline pilot, film actor, poet, artist and a whole assortment of magnates, scientists and authors might have been. Today that list has "normalized", becoming far more realistic.

Relegation; the ability to provide quality health care has become far more reliant on non-physician "types" due to advancements in both technology and pharmacology not to mention scores of non traditional care givers and the exponential rise in personal health awareness. Often one's signature out perform personage.

The faint hint of success or intellectual superiority based on societal norms would be cause for any bright person educated or not to seek refuge. As a witness to this man's response the very last thing needed was a 180 but there are regions in this country where 180's are a way of life and a way to find social and intellectual acceptance.

[spitvenom]

To me it doesn't sound like you are showing support you are only giving him lip service. I mean you already know he is going to hate owning his own business how you already know that is beyond me I guess they have course you can take in medical school that gives you the power to tell the future. And to be so pompous to say that he is not your caliber but you love him anyway is just wrong!! To be honest you should break up with him and find someone in medical school that is developing a God Complex like you are. It shouldn't be to hard.

[mafiaangel180]

Well my question is, why did you break up with you?

It seems to me he has his plate full. My ex dumped me to figure out his life, like his mind was spinning and being in a relationship only added to his confusion. I would give him some space.

[ruby07]

I'm in quite a dilemma. I'm very confused regarding my boyfriend. We broke up and got back together. Its been 2 months since then and I still feel so distant from him. He wanted to start things slow, but He hardly calls me. I used to do a lot of calling and texting, but I felt like I was the only one making the effort. We had talked about how important it is to communicate and call each other. He had told me he would call me at least every other day but that doesn't happen. When he tells me he will call me, he never ends up calling me. I'm not asking for much, just some attention from him. I feel like I'm being taken for granted. Am I? He doesn't realize the value of who he has. I have very strong feelings for him and I can't break up with him for some reason, even though I know that's the best thing for me to do. Is there anyway to win him back? I have recently stopped calling or texting him. I don't know what that will accomplish but I feel like I'm the only one giving and making an effort in this relationship. Its not fair so I'm stepping back. Is that a good idea? Please help..

[Chery]

Hi ruby,

I have a few questions...

Are you two seeing each other every day?
If so, why is it so important to you to text or call on a regular basis just to get confirmation of the relationship.
Do you live aparat and see each other only a few times a week?
If so, what do you do with the time you have? Just go to bed and get on with it, or talk about what interests you share and what your future plans are, and what you plan on learning about each other.

Most men think it's being too easy to text and call every day, they consider this 'not manly' and it can become a 'chore' to them, especially when they have other things on their minds.

So, let me know exactly how you see your relationship, what you really want from it, OK.

C.U. soon ont this forum.