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lovesick1 · Jun 12, 2007, 02:28 PM

I talked about them in my original post up there ^

lovesick1 · Jun 16, 2007, 06:00 AM

I have an update! I talked to her mum last night properly for the first time in the four years that we have been together. She said to give her time and space and she might see what she had. She also said she will talk to her when they are away for the week because she can see that I have realised the mistakes I made in the relationship and that I really do love her and want it to work. She said had never seen this side of me before. She told me she wants us to be a family so much because her children only saw their dad once a year as he lives in Scotland and is not well enough to travel. I really hope she can talk some sense into her! I do know one thing and that is I still want her just as much today as I did the day we split up but its not as painful anymore because I have realised that she probably won't be coming back to me and I am ready for this but if she does I will be the happiest person in the world at that time! She also told me she isn't with this bloke and she is just liking the attention which has put my mind at ease a bit.

adorable darcy · Jun 16, 2007, 06:35 AM

Hi james
I'm sorry this happened tp you... I know its difficult but I think you have to let go... do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you... im sure you probably think yes yes... but really things will never change now... be strong and let go... it will hurt but in the long run you will have your pride and self respect... you can do xxxx susie

talaniman · Jun 16, 2007, 08:30 AM

I don't know your stuation but after a few years especially when a child is involved, females get cranky when a man doesn't commit (Marriage) to them, and they can be very hard to understand. Have you ever had this conversation about marriage, before or do you think you can sail through like everything is OK??

ordinaryguy · Jun 16, 2007, 09:37 AM

The thing I notice about all your posts is it's all about your ex and getting her back and almost nothing about your daughter and getting her back. You may or may not have a lifelong relationship with your ex, but you do absolutely owe it to your daughter to have a lifelong relationship with her regardless of what happens between you and her mother.

My advice is to focus entirely and exclusively on cultivating a relationship with your daughter. If your ex is a genuinely good mother that should help inprove your relationship with her as well, but don't do it for that reason. Do it because you love your daughter and want her in your life no matter what happens with your ex.

lovesick1 · Jun 16, 2007, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

The thing I notice about all your posts is it's all about your ex and getting her back and almost nothing about your daughter and getting her back. You may or may not have a lifelong relationship with your ex, but you do absolutely owe it to your daughter to have a lifelong relationship with her regardless of what happens between you and her mother.

My advice is to focus entirely and exclusively on cultivating a relationship with your daughter. If your ex is a genuinely good mother that should help inprove your relationship with her as well, but don't do it for that reason. Do it because you love your daughter and want her in your life no matter what happens with your ex.

Since we have split up I have had my daughter loads! I had her this week from Tuesday right through until Friday morning which I loved so much. My ex is really good about me seeing her and I can have her whenever I want. I agree with what you say and I have been doing this right from day one.

Originally Posted by talaniman

I don't know your stuation but after a few years especially when a child is involved, females get cranky when a man doesn't commit (Marriage) to them, and they can be very hard to understand. Have you ever had this conversation about marriage, before or do you think you can sail thru like everything is ok????????????

I haven't talked to her about this and I am not sure how she feels about it. What do you mean by sail through like everything is all right? :confused:

talaniman · Jun 16, 2007, 03:55 PM

Just shooting in the dark, but many females who feel that after a while the man doesn't see a future, they tend to think they should find someone who thinks that way. She my say nothing, because she wants it to come from you, but females tend to look to the future, and it my be you offer none. Many long relationship end for that very reason, future security as in family, marriage. Not to put things in your head at all, but the what a lot of woman want, men also. She has never asked you where this relationship is going?? Its like moving to the next level of the relationship.

lovesick1 · Jun 17, 2007, 01:26 AM

So what do you suggest I do? I mean I can't just prepose to her as we are not together and she says she don't love me even though I think she still does! Also with this bloke txtin her her mind is elsewhere! I see where you are coming from though. I know many people post on here move on get,over her but I did loads of stupid little things to make this happen and I'm not just going to give up on our family and our relationship that easily. I admit blaming myself isn't going to get me anywhere and she did thing that got to me also but those things have already happened so I can't do anything about them.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2007, 04:59 AM

Just food for thought as to why things may have gone the way they did. For now, as I have said, and Ordinary Guy has also mentioned, the relationship with your daughter is a priority, because what we adults forget, is the confusion a child goes through when we change things on them, all of a sudden. What your ex does next is any body's guess.

lovesick1 · Jun 17, 2007, 09:28 AM

Yeah I know and not knowing is the worst thing. A part of me is saying forget about it its over and another part is saying don't give up yet and just give her time. The thing is how much time do you give someone and how much do you put up with before you say to yourself enough is enough? I know asking you lot that is pointless and only I know how long I'm willing to wait but writing it on here vents my thoughts and its good for me to get it off my chest! I want to thank everyone who has posted replies because you have all helped me out no end.

rockstar567 · Jun 17, 2007, 10:21 AM

Go up to her & ask to just sit down & talk about what you guys want to do. Like ask her if you could do anything to help your relationship & anyhting she could help in th relationship too. Just try talking about things & ask her about the txt messages...ask her who the guy is. & who she truelly wants in her life

lovesick1 · Jun 17, 2007, 10:54 AM

We have talked about it when we first split. At first she said she was unhappy and wanted to be on her own and I said I will do this and that to make things better but she just didn't want to know! That's what got me paranoid! Her giving up so easily made me wonder why won't she give it another try, why is she acting like we have already tried everything we could to save us because we hadn't! When I found the messages she said she didn't want to tell me because it might of never come to anything and she didn't want me to get the wrong idea. She told me his name and she thought he was a nice guy and most other men she knew wernt. Rather nieve I think because he has fancied her for ages and he will obviously tell her everything she wants to hear to get with her! After this day we spoke on the phone and she said she still doesn't know what she wants for the future and that she feels like she hasn't had enough time but that just leaves me hanging! I don't want to push her in to anything she doesn't want or push her away even more by keep talking about it with her so I guess I will just have to wait and see if her being away for a week changes anything or if she decides she wants this other tit!

rockstar567 · Jun 17, 2007, 11:00 AM

It sounds like if she doesnt want to tlak about it she maybe with him & not telling you. maybe just hang loose around her dont call her EVERY MIN. just relax wait till she calls you. if you think she is waiting for you to call her then call her & just bring up a subj. if she feels liek she ahs to bring up the subj. then just listen. maybe she want to tell you the truth.

emopunk7 · Jun 18, 2007, 07:01 AM

Wow... She is talking to another guy and still you stay around? Think about it... The love of your life left you and is talking to another guy. She asks for more time to see how things go with the other guy and if nothing then she will return... Leave her in the curb! You are much better than this. No contact at all now! Get get your life together and see her the least possible since you have a baby and now show her that you are doing okay. Living well is the best type of revenge!

lovesick1 · Jun 21, 2007, 02:17 AM

This is going to be my last post. I'd like to thank everyone for there advice and help they have given me over the past month, I appreciate it. I feel like there is nothing left for me to say or do. I have no job, nothing to look forward to in my life and no hope. I feel like I have just hit rock bottom and things are getting worse, not better. I have lost everything. I still cry myself to sleep and hate waking up in the morning. In fact sometimes I wish that I didn't wake up at all.

Jiser · Jun 21, 2007, 02:41 AM

Get yourself out and about and stay busy. Things can only get worse if you let them! You may have to start from scratch but it doesn't mean you won't be at your tops very soon. Join the gym for a start.

lovesick1 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:43 PM

Well I'm back! I spoke to her mum and she told me that she is with this bloke! I am OK now! I hate her for what she has done which makes it a lot easier because she has been so deceitful about it all. Me and my mate went round her flat and caught him coming out and getting in his car! What makes it better is he has got nothing on me (dont mean to sound big headed) he looks like a right skid! We had him cowering in his car with the doors locked shouting "I will press charges" Lol absolute ! He will get what's coming to him! He s.h.i.t his pants! She says she is happy and I'm glad! Glad to be rid of her that is! I have seen Sophie and I'm having her Tuesday,Wednesday and Thursday which is good! I am sooooooo angry! I can't wait for it to all come crashing down on her so she sees what she has done and by that time it will be way too late! I am already a member of a gym and have been going overtime lately. I have got a lot of work on laboring at £9 an hour so I should be getting some decent cash soon too. I haven't spoken to her since I found out only text messages and I have told her exactly what I think which she didn't like but I just don't care anymore. There is only so much someone can take before they are tipped over the edge and I have taken a lot! I am back on track and when I stop being so angry and stressed which could be quite a long time I will eventually see her and show her what she could have had but she isn't getting any of it! Its funny how things change, one minute I loved her so much and thought I could take her back no matter what and the next I really do hate her for the way she has approached the whole situation. Peace :D

talaniman · Jun 24, 2007, 04:02 PM

Now you know where you stand and can plan without looking behind you. Just be a great Dad, and never let your kid know what a witch her mom is. It gets better, just not today.

lovesick1 · Jun 24, 2007, 10:46 PM

Trust me I'm going to give Sophie more than she could ever want. She is the only girl that matters to me, I have unconditional love for her and she is mine forever no matter what. I will just make sure she doesn't grow up like her mother!

answer101 · Jun 28, 2011, 10:26 AM

Sounds to me like what you are doing is not working. My advice is you give her some space, and for all it's worth I hope you have your conversations when your child is not around. Sometimes women leave because they feel like their needs are not being met, either physically, emotionally, or just in general. Woman at times can be needy and if she didn't say anything to you my guess is because she already checked out. First things first women hate buggers they don't like a man to beg them to be with them. It's not attractive by all means. Sure woman like to be chased but don't make yourself look desperate either. Concentrate on your daughter and take baby steps... offer her coffee when she comes to see the child or bring coffee when you go to her place to pick up the child, sometimes taking baby steps will get you more of what your looking for faster. Hope it works out for you, but if it doesn't you'll still be fine, even though you may not see it yet!