Hi my girlfriend of 4 years recently broke up with me after saying she was unhappy for months as we never talked about our problems and in the end she just had enough and wanted out. I am devastated and have asked her for another chance but she told me that she thinks it will go back to how it was before and she is happy the way things are! This went on for three weeks and I had been suspicious from day one why she suddenly split with me with no warning. Two days ago I had enough of being a paranoid freak so I read her text messages on her phone to find messages from a bloke she used to work with! It was pretty shocking as they were like "I want to be with you for the rest of my life" and " Im happy to tell everyone that we are together." She told me it was all him but she wouldn't show me her sent messages so I don't believe her. She says she is not with him and they have done nothing together but I have no reason to believe that either. She still tells me she is not sure what she wants from the future and that she feels like she needs more time but we have a baby girl together of 18 months and it seems to me she really doesn't realise what she is doing to our family. She seems so confused, one minute she tells me she doesn't want me and the next she is not sure. I keep telling her if she doesn't give it another go she will never know if we could be happy together cause she didn't try! Im at the point of giving up and I need some advice quick because I'm going insane! PLEASE HELP ME. James

James, I'm really sorry for what has happened in you and your girlfriends' relationship. But, if I were in your shoes, I would completely leave her alone. The only contact I would have with her is if it has to do w/ur daughter. Maybe she needs space. Maybe she felt smothered but was to afraid to say anything in fear to hurt your feelings. I know it would be hard to take this kind of advice cause apparently you love her a lot, but maybe if you back off and give her some space, she'll realize how much she really does love you and want to be a family again. But trust me, the more you come around (only if it doesn't have to do with your daughter) the more she'll become more distance she'll become. Good luck James!

Thanks for your answer but I need more! I don't want to see her because it really upsets me but I'm scared if I don't see her she will get over me and forget about me! The last few months were a bit crap but she never told me how she was feeling and she tells me she only thinks about the bad things and she has a lot of anger for me for some reason. A mutual friend is going to talk to her about it and see if she can make her see sense but I'm worried about this as well because she says she is sick of talking about it to people because its none of their business. I know she is confused and it seems she is going through a bit of a strange phase because she was never like this before. She says she is just liking the attention from the other bloke but it seems like more from what the text message said! She also says she is happier now than she has been for a long time which makes me very confused! How can I make her realise that we need to be a family and try and work through this instead it seems like she is just running away from the problems we had. She says it would be easier to get back with me than not but she is not sure what she wants for the future! I feel now she has told me all that she wanted to we could make a fresh start and really try again but she just leaves me hanging!

In my oppinion she is cheating on you, from the texts you found it sounds like it has been going on for some time. she isnt really acting like a responsible new mother.
I would give her what she wants, space, and if i were you i would get myself some new interests/friends/hobbies whatever you want, to get you out of the house, you time.
no matter what, be there for your baby.

Im totally agree with purple-hearts advice. She not worth your time and good feelings. Give her all the time in the world, but all!! If you can prove that she behave unfaithful, she's negligent as a wife, well at least legally.
If she came with this out of the blue, and then bing, bang and crash, I'm not happy, I'm leaving you, she has something cocked before. Just wave her goodbye and start thinking if she might be a good example to your baby girl.
Better it happened now that later.
Relationships must be an open communication and commitment system at both ends.

Be strong man for your baby

The last time we spoke she told me she wasn't sure what she wants for the future and if we tried again it would go back to how it used to be. The thing is we split up just after the new year for two months and she says in that time she got over me and she only got back with me because she felt lonely! Our mutual friend saw her yesterday and she told her that she can't make herself love me and that I would get over her! She also told her that she isn't with this bloke (which I think is a lie) and she wants to be on her own! Its like she is telling everyone else one thing and me the other and I can't understand why! Is she telling me lies or them? Does she really know what she wants for the future and it is not me? I have not spoken to her for three days now and feel better for it but I'm going to have to soon to see my daughter and I am dreading it because I feel I will be straight back to square one! I love her so much :(

She swears that she is not with this bloke and all she likes is the attention but I'm not sure! I saw her lastnight and we are getting on really well, I didn't mention anything about the break up or him because I really want her back and don't want to get on her case. I figure if we are going to get back together it is meant to be if she gets with this bloke or not. I might just have to wait a while! Do you think it is best to stay friends with her or not see her? I thought staying friends and being there for her will be better because we will never lose friendship and friendship could lead back to a relationship. What do you think?

I'd say follow your heart! But be careful!

You have a child together and whether you two get the love going or not you will have to deal with your child together. I think you should cut the contact with the mother and start focusing on being on the same page to raise the child. For your own good start getting your life together without her in it as much.

I see what you are saying but we both agreed that we need to still do things as a family to make it as normal for Sophie as possible. I really want her back and I just hope she comes round to my way of thinking. What thing do you lot think I could do to get the love back? I need some help here!

I think before you can get this relationship back you have to get yourself back, asI believe you've spent so much time thinking of ways to kiss her butt you've lost yourself, and don't know it. Don't want to be harsh here, but you need time to think on your terms, and reflect about how you want things to go. Putting everything under her control and whim is not healthy. Some where dude you have to draw a line as to what's acceptable and what's not. And you must communicate with her to solve your problems, an impartial trained 3rd party can do wonders in this area and I think you both should try it together.

Does anyone have any ideas of how I could win back her heart?

I went out with her today with Sophie and everything went OK. I still want her really bad and it sucked a bit but I'm doing the family thing for my daughter so I know I must be strong. She said she enjoyed it and wants to do it again soon which is better than a kick in the teeth I suppose. Still need some ideas how I can win back her love though...

I think you just need to give her some time to think things over, quit bringing up the break up and the other guy. You don't know for sure what has or hasn't happened with him, so don't just assume something did. Just be there. When she decides what she wants she will let you know. In the mean time, get on with your life. Go out have a good time, do somethig with the guys, just don't do anything dumb that would jeopardize your chances with getting back with her. Just do something to get your mind off her and the situation.

I have been doing stuff. I went out at the weekend and got very drunk and the next day felt twice as bad as normal so I won't be doing that again. This girl keeps txtin me but I'm not interested because I don't want to ruin things.

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Originally Posted by lovesick1

Does anyone have any ideas of how I could win back her heart?

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I was married for 21 years and yes I loved him but no one and I mean no one will cheat ion me and get away with it. Do not let anyone make you lose yourself esteem . You deseve better. Make a life for you baby and move on . She say she knows you will not get over her PROVE HER WRONG. You said the only reason she took you back was because she was lonely. Baby, get a grip, YOU ARE WORTH MORE than that. Love yourself first.

Is anyone else is the same situation cause it would be good to talk to someone that is?

I'm in the same situation... We broke up 2 months and a half ago... we hung out last week and had an amzing time together. She hugged and cried on me and stuff but she said she still isn't sure if she wants to get back... I just kept things up-beat and that's it. I being a lot stronger on the outside than I ever was, but still dealing with the pain in the inside without showing it... Little by little I'm getting thee... I do not contact her. I let her if she wants to, but I made sure I left things in good terms... Well if she wants me she knows she is accepted and doesn't have to have any thoughts in her head. In the meantime, I'm trying to move on, not necessarily with other women but with my life in general... Just keeping her out of my mind as hard as it is. My plan is to just sit back and relax and I feel good because I showed her the great guy she remembers and wells if she still wants out and just be friends, I know I tried and left things in place where they could've been picked up and well, eventually she is the one who lost out. Plus I'm glad we are not in bad terms regardless. I'm giving her a week even though she doesn't know. IIf after a week she doesn't make an attempt then I will have the closure in my mind that thing are definitell over. I mean if she wants me and we had a great time and she cried, what's stopping her now? Well, I'm basing everything on this week now. Every second counts and I can't believe I'm taking it so well. Stay strong my friend. If it may help, you can read my post... Break-up affects! Take care and good luck!

It sound like your doing all right mate! Better than me anyway. My ex seems happier than she has been for ages and even though she says she is not with this bloke there are to many things that point to the fact she is. Soon after we split up she moved Sophies cot out of our room into her own room,there was a picture on the bedside table of us kissing and a few days later it had gone. Then there are the text messages and her saying that she is somewhere when she is not! For me it is looking bleak! I'm starting to give up hope and even though I have told her exactly how I feel she still hasn't shown any emotion! Its as if she has just rubbed me out of her life and moved on straight away! I'm not sure her knowing she can have me back anytime is such a good thing. We went out as a family the other day and she seemed to like it and said we should do it again but playing happy families and pretending everything is all right was no good for me. Also its as if she has the best of both worlds, being single and being a family when she feels like it for a few hours. I'm not sure whether to stick around and be there for her in the hope that she will see sense or cut all contact and get my mum to pick up Sophie so I don't ever have to see her! The fact she doesn't think I think she is with him is quite a major thing to her. When I found the messages I told her that was it there is no chance for us but stupidly told her I still wanted her a few days later on the phone. She said I don't want you to hate me but told my mum she hates me! What the ****! If anyone can figure out anything let me know. Thanks, James.

When you found what messages?