[joypulv]

Thank you. Sorry for putting you through this. One last background question (from me anyway): is the loan money you and your husband borrowed from your in-laws, or money they owe? Assuming it is what you borrowed, would you dare approach them for a smaller amount each month?
The dilemma becomes more clear as you write about your marriage, your culture, and your childhood. I can see how you want the best for any and all children you may have.

I had an abortion and had my tubes tied. I never had children. My childhood had a lot to do with my decision. As I look back, I sometimes wish this and that but overall am content with what I did. Few of us go through life without regret, but the key is to know when we are having opposing thoughts and weigh them over the course of time.

If you abort you may wonder who that child would have been, and if you have the child you may struggle and worry about recreating your childhood for two children of your own.

My advice is just another question: if today were the day (pretend it is) that you have to abort or it's too late, what is your answer? Can you pretend it is, because that day will come? Give yourself the answer, and be aware in that moment how you feel. Do you feel relief or regret? And can you talk about that moment here?

[JudyKayTee]

Joy, as always, has given comprehensive advice from her heart - advice which contains a lot of info on where and how she came from. Touching that she is so open and honest.

I come from another place. I cannot have children. Several miscarriages, hysterectomy at an early age.

That doesn't mean Joy and I disagree on these boards - we just come from different places.

I am the first to admit I do not understand the culture in/of India - not at all. I've posted questions asked, have never received any answers at all.

But I do not understand, if you don't have contact with your parents, if they won't/can't help you, if you had a bad childhood, why you say, " So plz do not mention waitress and jobs alike. My family wil not accept that."
What does it matter what your family will or won't accept? I went to law school. I waited tables, I worked as a costumed cocktail waitress, I helped a friend clean houses - I did what it took when I needed to put a roof over my head. No shame in honest work.

On the other hand, if an abortion is your choice for whatever reason, so be it -

Then the next question becomes birth control and preventing this personal anguish a second time - ?

[joypulv]

JudyKayTee, as always, brings up questions I haven't thought of, and they are good ones.
Here we are, two women who like and respect each other, one who can't have children by choice and one by fate.
soni dot, I hope you appreciate our hearts out in the open here. I hope it helps in some way. I hope you respond!

[J_9]

Are you in such a bad school area that she can't go to school for free?

There are many areas of the world that you have to pay to go to school. Not all locations offer school for free like here in the US.

[soni dot]

I am an Indian, and in India, family doesn't just mean You, your Husband and Kids,, it consists of your parents, your in-laws and everyone,, My parents are still unwilling to accept me. But my in-laws are my family and my husband and I are responsible for them. The loan I mentioned is the loan my in-laws took to buy an apartment, about the same time I got married. They never mentioned until the day my father in law retired and his pension was not enough to pay the loan and live on basic necessities. Hence my husband is paying a part of their loan, as well as ours.
When I mentioned my family won't accept me working as a waitress, I meant my in-laws. In india, if you want to work as waitress in a well recognised/dignified restaurants, you need to take up a course on Hospitality management,, as for waitress in pizza joints and alike, its considered to be very low jobs for educated people and my family won't accept that. Though we have financial problems, we come from a background where we are respected for what we do.
There are government schools which provide education for lesser costs,, but what's the point of taking my kid out of a good school, where I have already paid for her admission? I lose the admission fees... also, government schools here are so bad, I am not sure I'd like my daughter going there. Didn't u hear of more than 22 kids dying after consuming food in govt school?

I came here asking for help and not some kind of support to abort,, like I mentioned before,, my heart says NO,, if I did want to abort, what's the point in asking for help?

I would be devastated if I had an abortion,, I still have time,, I am trying to find some solution to my problem, so I can have this problem. We are trying to sell my in-law's apartment and buy a smaller one, so that the loan amount is reduced to such that they can afford to pay. Husband is trying to change job, jump for higher pay,, I am looking for part time job like Montessori day care teacher etc, where I can go when my child goes to school, it pays bad but at least it's enough for check ups and I can save the gold money for later. But once they realise I am pregnant, I might lose the job since I can't work for long term.

[joypulv]

Excuse me but you didn't just 'come here asking for help and not some kind of support to abort.'
QUOTE: ".. should i keep or opt for abortion? given my financial status and the situation at home, i feel its better to ot abortion but my heart says NO,,, "
If you had already decided that your heart won, you should have said so.
And if the help you wanted was about your financial situation, you should have gone into more detail at the start, as you would to a financial consultant. I did have a feeling that you were obligated to the entire family. This just doesn't seem fair to me, but I am not Indian and it's not easy to understand.
I have been through poor times and comfortable times, but I always knew ways to be extremely frugal, and still practice them in my old age, even if I don't have to. You sound like you are doing all you can regarding cutting expenses and finding work (I would take a job without mentioning pregnancy, because employers fire at will and employees quit at will, and it's all just business). I often sell items I don't really need or clothes that don't fit me, on eBay. I have made thousands doing that, and sometimes do it for others on commission. Other than that, I am retired.
I'm not really sure what you are even asking from us now, now that you have made it clear that you are keeping the baby.

[soni dot]

What's wrong if I want to follow my heart? In one hand you say m doing wrong by opting for abortion, when I feel like following my heart, you have something rude to say about that too...
Most people follow their heart,, when heart says otherwise, the mind tries to find a way to follow the heart,,
As of now, I have not decided anything yet,, I am trying to find ways to make a better future for my kid and the future kid if I decide to keep it. I have indeed thought of solutions, but not everything works,,
I am still unable to sell my in-laws house,,
Job market is down, and hence hubby is unable to find a suitable change in job,,
What little money I have with me is no enough once the baby comes... I never bought a crib or anything with my first born that I can use it again,, she slept in an old cradle in which my husband slept when he was born,, its tradition that I was forced to follow,, once she turned 4 months, she slept with us,, she still does,, there is no Law in India which doesn't let children sleep with parents... in fact, most hospitals ask mother and the baby to sleep together,, for stronger bond...
Now,, u might sell a lot of stuff on eBay,, u get enough buyers,, its not similar here, we do not buy anything in excess that there is a need to sell,, as for clothes,, once the fashion is out, we wear them at home until it tears, no point selling something that's torn,, any tight clothes I have, which are in good condition, I give to my sis-in-law,, and its passed on,, we don't believe in selling something which can be used by family,,

Given how you can misunderstand everything that's written here, I see no point in asking for suggestion...

[Fr_Chuck]

Part of the issue here, is that they borrowed money with no way to pay it off, and now want son to pay the bill. That is not very responsible and why are they not looking at ways to earn more money. Looks like you should not care what they think or want, since this is partly their fault

[joypulv]

Wow, you certainly twisted my words around. I will no longer respond.