[Val_54]

You're very right. I think that's why we humans usually do end up learning things the hard way. That's the only true way to learn. Just being told "no", doesn't always work, since you didn't actually learn it for yourself. I do believe that the kids that weren't allowed to experience some hard things in their youth, will have a hard time when they're grown up.

Of course there are some things that no one should have to learn the hard way.

I suppose it's the only way to learn but over protecting doesn't help in the long run. I just hate the thought of him being nasty to her I guess. She says he's changed a lot & hasn't shown ant tendency to be violent & he's off the drugs apparently, so maybe things are looking up :-)

" This guy had on several occasions after drinking been violent towards her, not bad, but pushing her, kicking her leg and calling her nasty names. "

Pushing and kicking- not bad!??
Or is that OK behavior on cocaine or something?
Don't give her advice- you don't know how.

We think his behaviour was possibly fuelled by cocaine but he's not taking it now & apparently he can have a drink has not shown any violent tendencies - no that behaviour is not acceptable!

As her mother I do know how to give her advice !

[Alty]

I suppose it's the only way to learn but over protecting doesn't help in the long run. I just hate the thought of him being nasty to her I guess. She says he's changed a lot & hasn't shown ant tendency to be violent & he's off the drugs apparently, so maybe things are looking up :-)

There's an old saying, one that I'm very fond of because it's often very true:

A woman marries a man hoping that he'll change. A man marries a woman hoping she'll never change.

We women always think we can change a man, change his bad ways, make him into the man we want. It simply isn't possible.

Has her boyfriend changed? Unlikely unless he went to therapy, rehab, and made the choice to change his behavior. But in my experience, a man with as many issues as his, doesn't change simply because of a woman. Not even because he really wants to. He needs help in order to change. If he hasn't gotten that help, he's a ticking bomb waiting to explode again.

Just my opinion.

[Val_54]

There's an old saying, one that I'm very fond of because it's often very true:

A woman marries a man hoping that he'll change. A man marries a woman hoping she'll never change.

We women always think we can change a man, change his bad ways, make him into the man we want. It simply isn't possible.

Has her bf changed? Unlikely unless he went to therapy, rehab, and made the choice to change his behavior. But in my experience, a man with as many issues as his, doesn't change simply because of a woman. Not even because he really wants to. He needs help in order to change. If he hasn't gotten that help, he's a ticking bomb waiting to explode again.

Just my opinion.

I think so too but to be fair some people do sort themselves out & change & my daughter says he has & it a very different person to who he was when they first met. I don't think she has tried to change him I think it was the fact that she moved away & it was the shock he needed to realise what he's been doing. It's funny though I think she's half expecting him to mess up again. She will have to decide over the next few weeks whether she's going to move back in with him or not...