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Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2012, 07:21 AM

There is no way to get him back. He has to want to come back and that, you cannot control.

talaniman · Aug 12, 2012, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by daisy0brien

Well its just because the post was about how to get him back, not how to get over him...

There are any sites that offer secret tips, tricks, strategies or plans to get an ex back. They also have money back guarantees if it doesn't work. They are for the desperate.

Are you desperate enough to compromise all your dignity and self respect for this teen age love of yours?

WisperWill70 · Aug 12, 2012, 08:45 AM

Everyone is right here... you can't make anyone come back to you and trying will tie you in a knot and make you even less attractive. Attention you manipulate doesn't feel good the way love and attention that is freely and willingly given to you does. The advice and tip for a success IS to move on with your life and focus on yourself, get yourself together.. ;) unless you change for yourself (for YOU and not to "win anyone over") you'll never be or do any of the things that could make things work out in a relationship ANYWAY.

The way to show him that you're trustworthy or have trust in him is to let go and focus on your own life so that you trust *yourself* (for example). -- I know it's hard because he's your "first" everything... but you have to now work on yourself. If he's the right guy - he'll be there!

Also alcohol just in general is a bad mix with relationships of all kinds..

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 09:35 AM

Thank you everyone for all the advice. I know realistically I have to move on, but I'm not the type of girl to flirt and mess around with different guys.
Right now is a very lonely time and I'm just desperate for answers really. I'm currently in NC, and along with some feel good anthems and soppy movies it's helping. But everything is a reminder of him, so sometime's I feel I'm okay and then WHAM, all the memories hit me like a tonne of bricks.
No, I'm not ready to compromise my dignity for a teenage love and as naïve and teenage-ry as this whole situation seems, I would do most things to have him back in my life again, hence I am blabbing my problems to an internet forum in search of some help.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2012, 10:03 AM

You don't have to flirt and mess around with guys. Just be you, enjoy yourself, get to know yourself, be comfortable in your own skin.
This "missing him" will get better with time. Do you!

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You don't have to flirt and mess around with guys. Just be you, enjoy yourself, get to know yourself, be comfortable in your own skin.
This "missing him" will get better with time. Do you!

Your blunt approach has been helpful, it just sucks to lose something you thought would last forever, so I'm sorry for whining haha

joypulv · Aug 12, 2012, 10:45 AM

Several have mentioned drinking and you say that that wasn't the big deal so much, but you also said at the beginning that you had been causing most of the fights before that. You have a lot to work on and it isn't fair to practice on him - it is SO easy to fall right back in to old habits. Don't most of us here know that!

This isn't easy to realize at 17, but we all make mistakes. It's what we learn from them and what we do with what we learn that matters as we go through life. You will fall in love again and can make that supreme effort with him.

If you want, write a list of your failings. Sit on the list for a week and then start writing a paragraph for each one on the list about what you will do to replace that old behavior with new. Sit on that for a week and then mail it to your ex. Don't expect a reply. But you never know.

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Several have mentioned drinking and you say that that wasn't the big deal so much, but you also said at the beginning that you had been causing most of the fights before that. You have a lot to work on and it isn't fair to practice on him - it is SO easy to fall right back in to old habits. Don't most of us here know that!

This isn't easy to realize at 17, but we all make mistakes. It's what we learn from them and what we do with what we learn that matters as we go through life. You will fall in love again and can make that supreme effort with him.

If you want, write a list of your failings. Sit on the list for a week and then start writing a paragraph for each one on the list about what you will do to replace that old behavior with new. Sit on that for a week and then mail it to your ex. Don't expect a reply. But you never know.

Most of the fights stem from jealousy on my half, which is a problem of my own I know I need to work on. The list idea is very helpful, thank you. But, to be fair, he doesn't make my jealousy any easier by flirting and spending a lot of alone time with his female friends.
If I work on this issue, how can I show him that I've changed and grown up?

talaniman · Aug 12, 2012, 02:58 PM

What if he doesn't change HIS flirty ways or doesn't stop being alone with his other female friends? It seems your only course of action to convince him to give you a second chance is to be willing to share him with other females and not complain about it.

Can you do that? Drunk or sober?

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

What if he doesn't change HIS flirty ways or doesn't stop being alone with his other female friends? It seems your only course of action to convince him to give you a second chance is to be willing to share him with other females and not complain about it.

Can you do that? Drunk or sober?

I'd take him back under any conditions, I miss him so much.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2012, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by daisy0brien

I'd take him back under any conditions, I miss him so much.

Now that is just pitiful girl. You didn't tell the whole story from the beginning. He flirts and spends a lot of alone time with girls, he has brought a lot of this on himself and you are taking the blame and wanting him back. Don't go there.
There is a guy out there for whom all of this this drama won't even take place. You get this guy back and you will feel bad about yourself, you won't be happy. He is not the right guy for you. You deserve better and better is out there.

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Now that is just pitiful girl. You didn't tell the whole story from the beginning. He flirts and spends a lot of alone time with girls, he has brought a lot of this on himself and you are taking the blame and wanting him back. Don't go there.
There is a guy out there for whom all of this this drama won't even take place. You get this guy back and you will feel bad about yourself, you won't be happy. He is not the right guy for you. You deserve better and better is out there.

But we have so many private jokes and old haunts. Everything reminds me of him. It's getting harder everyday. The break up has made me realise how insignificant the flirting was- if I wasn't so insecure and didn't make a big deal out of it, we would still be together.
I literally feel sick at the thought of being with anyone else. It took so much for me to trust him and let him into my life. I don't want to throw it all away.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2012, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by daisy0brien

But we have so many private jokes and old haunts. Everything reminds me of him. It's getting harder everyday. The break up has made me realise how insignificant the flirting was- if I wasn't so insecure and didn't make a big deal out of it, we would still be together.
I literally feel sick at the thought of being with anyone else. It took so much for me to trust him and let him into my life. I don't want to throw it all away.

If he had not been doing what he was doing, you would not have felt insecure. You're dealing with memories now. There is a young man out there you will be able to trust. You did not throw anything away, he left you and for all you know he is with one of those girls. Don't take this all on yourself.

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If he had not been doing what he was doing, you would not have felt insecure. You're dealing with memories now. There is a young man out there you will be able to trust. You did not throw anything away, he left you and for all you know he is with one of those girls. Don't take this all on yourself.

I cannot imagine ever being intimate, physically or mentally, with anyone else. I was clingy and insecure, driving him to fall out of love with me. I wish more than anything that I had appreciated him when I had him. How can he just walk away without a second glance back? Can't I prove its worth another shot, now that I've learned from my mistakes?

talaniman · Aug 12, 2012, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by daisy0brien

Thank you everyone for all the advice. I know realistically I have to move on, but I'm not the type of girl to flirt and mess around with different guys.............................................. ........ No, I'm not ready to compromise my dignity for a teenage love and as naive and teenage-ry as this whole situation seems, I would do most things to have him back in my life again, hence I am blabbing my problems to an internet forum in search of some help.

Originally Posted by daisy0brien

I'd take him back under any conditions, I miss him so much.

Which is it? Never mind, teens always have trouble coping with feelings, and tend to ignore facts. AHHH youth is wasted on the young. Hopefully you will reread this thread before you give away your dignity, and self respect to a guy who doesn't respect you, or the relationship you had.

If that's what you want to call it.

Write your letter. Pour your heart out to him. Then wait two days, go back and read it, then burn it and walk away. The heart you save will be your own.

daisy0brien · Aug 12, 2012, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Which is it? Never mind, teens always have trouble coping with feelings, and tend to ignore facts. AHHH youth is wasted on the young. Hopefully you will reread this thread before you give away your dignity, and self respect to a guy who doesn't respect you, or the relationship you had.

If thats what you want to call it.

Write your letter. Pour your heart out to him. Then wait two days, go back and read it, then burn it and walk away. The heart you save will be your own.

Okay, maybe I am ready to compromise anything. Have you never felt this way before?

talaniman · Aug 12, 2012, 04:15 PM

MANY TIMES!

But that's what gives me the experience to share with you the lessons I have learned, so you don't give away your dignity and self respect and be made to be so desperate and foolish for love. That's worse than being DUMPED, because now your misery will be of your own making if you pursue someone that is NOT as into you, as YOU are them.

Read my signature if you haven't already. Learn by listening, or get your head bumped really hard against a brick wall, LIKE I DID!! Your choice.

Its very hard to tell the heart to stop making you feel! But do what the mind tells you to do.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2012, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by daisy0brien

Okay, maybe I am ready to compromise anything. Have you never felt this way before?

Girl, the boy dumped you because you got tired of his shenanigans and now you want to beg to get him back, so he can either refuse you or poo-poo all over you again?
You are hurt and desperate. Do as talaniman suggested. Write your letter and then burn it. Don't allow this clown to make you wallow. You will get past this. You will meet someone else and think back on this and you won't be able to believe how silly this was.

WisperWill70 · Aug 12, 2012, 06:26 PM

The fastest way to sign up for disaster and heartbreak is to throw yourself respect out the window.
Compromise to anything? If you do everything FOR a guy - you're just a husk of a person that no guy will respect.

Also "flirting" is something we don't have a clear window into so no one here can objectively say that this guy is a dog who treated you badly or whether you let your insecurities steam-roll over the trust in the relationship. (or maybe a little from column A, a little for column B) None of us can tell you that online, not knowing the real situation.

The fact that he "flirts" or the meaning of him having female friends (he should! Just like you should have guy friends!) could be your imagination coming from your fears or your lack of trust or how you spin-the relationship in your mind... (lots of jealousy, always comparing yourself to other girls or wondering who he might hook up with/like better) Some of this could be your imagination, fears or lack of self confidence - that's common with most teens. Guys (especially at that age) don't know how to deal with insecurity and just feel attacked/on the defensive - instead of communicating or reassuring.

On the other hand if he's really disrespecting you (and you know for sure he's not just friendly/peer-pressure flirty like a lot of young guys are) -- you can do better to just move on. Even if this is a situation where he cares a lot about you but is young and wants to see what else is out there in the world, you just need to move on and do the same. It hurts, it sucks... but you know what? It happens and 17 isn't an age where most of us want to settle down with one girl or 100% know what we want.

Just don't lose yourself respect or be desperate to get him back. Let the feelings or memories wash over you and day by day it will get easier to put your attention back on you - where it belongs!

joypulv · Aug 12, 2012, 08:32 PM

Of course he flirts - he's in HIGH SCHOOL!

Teens just are not ready for serious long term monogamy, period. You should be spending more time with other guys. It's how you learn about differences in people, and how you decide what you like, and keeping it more casual is better for the huge number of changes you go through at that age. And you need to work on that jealousy, which is a poison that can ruin relationships all throughout your adult life.