[amicon]

Sadly people will say a number of things that with hindsight come across as halftruths and/or lies.

No contact is your best policy.
Stick to a onehundred percent dignified silence and start moving on.


.

[coruzzi2]

Wow.. Ive never seen a girl do that that hardcore.. I was begininng to think its only me that only guys do.
Its screwed up... but know he's nothing special to her either..
Shell be doing the same thing to him realll soon.. and to the next one.. and the next one.. and soon shell look back and want something real. Shell think of you.. and by this time she's out of her head and your moved on to bigger better things. Talk to lots of girls and move on. Because it'll be a different story once you've moved on to someone else. ;)


The best pay back for someone as screwed up as this is simply living happily.

[KevintheFool]

I want to spend some time being single... I have been in big relationships for the best part of six years now without a break bigger than maybe two months... Its time to work on me. Im guna forget girls for a while. Time to get back into rock climbing and skydiving.

Its just so tough when I got that wake up call earlier today you know? My heart started pounding, breathing went nuts and I was crazy mad. How could she manipulate me like this? Unbelievable!

Thanks for the comments. Its been a week or so no contact. That will last. There will be hard times, but there is NO way Im giving in to this. NO way.

[amicon]

Way to go-keep busy and stay single,doing your own thing.
And all the physical exercise you can handle.

As for the emotional pain,acknowledge that it's there and go with it until it fades away.

[Lucky098]

I know why she did it.. Because she's young! She obviously didn't have any respect for you.. Or if she did, it disappeared extremely fast.

Yes, she should have told you that things just weren't working out. And maybe she really did feel horrible for awhile. Maybe she was confused and couldn't think straight.

More than likely, she'll do the same thing to this next guy once the novelty wears off.

[Newguy2009]

But what Im saying is, Im a million miles away, can't fight for her but because of whats happened I dont think there will be anything to fight for anyway.

She left. She's not worth fighting for

[KevintheFool]

Threads merged

So, it happened, the girl I loved more than anyone or anything before broke my heart. I got the similar sort of excuses "need to find myself" etc blah blah but in truth there was a new guy on the scene whilst I moved to South Australia to gain my permanent residency there.

The ex always knew I was going and respected it but found it extremely hard whilst I was away. She didn't have the courage to tell me she found someone new and so I got the lame excuses such as the one mentioned above. She was back and forth saying she thought she had made a mistake but I told her to take her time, have a good think about it and backed off - I figured the respectful mature way to handle it.

Despite me assurances I would be home within a number of days (back in mid Feb this year), she decided that she wasn't sure if she could "forgive me" for leaving her and moving to Oz... Was only away from mid December and one of the major reasons for me moving to Adelaide was to give US the chance of a better way of life. A better life full stop.

She said she needed to be single and try to work on herself. Yet, the next day I was blocked on msn and Facebook and looking at this new fella's page on fbook (ok so only superficial details as he was never and will never be my "friend") it said he was now in a relationship with my ex. The ex in question had clicked she "liked it" - not sure how familiar some of you will be with Facebook but it was a slap in the face.

A few days after that, I wrote her a nice email (genuinely nice) explaining that I would be here ready to be her friend if and when she was ready and if this guy made her happy then I was happy for her.

In retrospect, I can see that I was manipulated into believing that I was the bad guy. I was the one who had broken her heart and given her deppression etc. Before I left for Oz I asked many months in advance "listen, maybe we should break up, it will be easier to do it now than when Im gone" - her reaction to this would be tears and promises that we would work and she didn't want anyone else.

I felt uneasy but I truly loved this grl to bits so I was optomisitc!

After the "nice email" I went to bits, well, I had already gone to bits. I had the sick feeling all the time, felt totally lost emotionally and spiritually as those who have lost that most special of people in their lives will totally understand. I found this website and it was an absolute lifesaver.

No longer did I regard my situation or myself as a "special case". I could see that there were many people who also felt as though their relationship was so special that nobody could ever understand, that although they saw people could be in love - it could never QUITE be as good as what I had. This website, or more aptly, the many people on it with their stories have really helped me.

Following some advice I went to Fiji for a month with two close mates and had a ball. I ddi meet a couple of girls to distract myself but knew then as I do now, there is no way Im ready to try and move on. It pains me to think that my ex who was once sooooooo close to me, can jump from me to a new guy so easily. But then that's an asumption. Maybe it isn't easy. Sure it's a new relationship with a new guy "The honeymoon phase" is always awesome. Maybe we will see how she goes in a few months time. - But then who am I and why am I to care? The end of the day she did the dirty (of sorts) and for that reason, if she came begging back I should give her the finger and tell her to politely leave me alone.

But that's just the problem. Im still madly in love with her and miss her beyond belief. Fiji was great, time out and exploration and got my scuba qualification - sweet!

However.

I am leaving to fly back to the UK tomorrow and for the last few days I have been home alone (my folks flew back a few days ago - JUST before the volcano stuff) and of course being alone is never good when there is stuff on your mind!

So, I fly back home, no I don't live with the girl but she now works at the same place as me. I have been working there in some way for around ten years as a crew member (manual set ups), lifeguard, swim teacher and soccer skills coach and have been at that leisure centre since I was 4 years old (almost 25 years). The staff, the older members anyway, are almost family to me.

My predicament I believe I have already solved in my head but guess I need some advice and somebody/some people to instill into me that the action I intend to take is the right action.

Im going to go into the leisure and resign. Im going to try and ensure that the ex will not be there and leave a box with all the stuff/presents she gave to me and leave.

I am a mature student with one year left of study in south Wales, UK but have never liked the degree, the thought of going back there makes me feel sick and without my ex (almost wrote baby girl then :( ) to occasionally lean upon for moral support I just really truly believe were I to go and try and finish the degree, not only would I fail but I would become very unhappy.

So, I go home, continue NC, pack up the christmas presents she bought for me (I never opened them as I flew to oz on December 13th and told her I would open them with her when I was home) the poems, pictures, photos, house key, stupid soul mate credit card things that hurts like hell to look at... All of it. Pack it in a box and leave it at the leisure (my current-ish/former workplace) and like her, leave it behind me and move forward.

Right?

As for uni, I will knock it on the head and come back out to Australia and start anew. Got a couple of really good friends out here and although they are in Perth and Im in Adelaide (2,600km distance) I can get out there no problems.

I just wish sooooo much I didn't miss or love her. I have been doing the no contact thing, deleted all her texts, numbers, photos etc from phone - that hurt like hell, a few days ago.

Anyone, anyone with any advice/tips on getting through please reply :) indebted!

Cheers

[amicon]

How well thought out is your plans when it comes to moving continents?

Is there a job waiting for you?Somewhere to live?

If you do move,are you sure it would be for the right reasons?

Boxing up and leaving her stuff is a good plan I think.

As for her finding someone double quick,you know,sometimes s**t happens to good people and you have just got to digest it and keep moving forward.

[KevintheFool]

How well thought out my plan for moving continent - almost certainly a big reaction to the realisation that I will probably be somewhere near to her again and the thought of that hurts like hell :(

My immediate family now live in Oz as well as a couple of friends, I wouldn't mind what job I did to start with. Shouldn't be an issue.

Right reasons - I don't know. Im full of self-doubt and analysing the whole situation again as Im guna be moving back to the UK. I felt as though I was really making some good progress and now as the clock ticks by I wait for the plane journeys ahead and Im totally terrefied.

Her finding some guy new - I guess what hurts most is that she lied about it and from that stemmed many smaller lies. I can see she didn't want to hurt me but of course it all came back and hurts even more.

Im not sure what to do. I really don't know :(

[none12345]

How well thought out my plan for moving continent - almost certainly a big reaction to the realisation that I will probably be somewhere near to her again and the thought of that hurts like hell :(

My immediate family now live in Oz as well as a couple of friends, I wouldnt mind what job I did to start with. Shouldnt be an issue.

Right reasons - I dont know. Im full of self-doubt and analysing the whole situation again as Im guna be moving back to the UK. I felt as though I was really making some good progress and now as the clock ticks by I wait for the plane journies ahead and Im totally terrefied.

Her finding some guy new - I guess what hurts most is that she lied about it and from that stemmed many smaller lies. I can see she didnt want to hurt me but ofcourse it all came back and hurts even more.

Im not sure what to do. I really dont know :(

Don't let her ruin your life man. You can't just not do anything because she might there or you might see her. Its completely over now and stop thinking about her. Don't contact her and eventually you won't be hurt or confused anymore. It takes time but it really works after a while. Her seeing other guys isn't your problem anymore and you shouldn't really care about that. You should care what's going on YOUR life and what to do next. (finding a job you love, meeting other women, family and friends).

[amicon]

Take your time before making what could be a lifechanging decision.

I'm thinking your emotional rollercoaster right now has been triggered by the fact that you are about to travel back to the UK and to a completely different situation to the one you left.

Time and patience with yourself are always needed when we heal from a breakup.

Take care on your travels,our airports are open again,but there is a huge backlog.

[KevintheFool]

There is a backlog but I have managed ti get a flight tio paris, booked a eurotunnel too. My uncle is getting married Saturday, he's like the best guy in the world and had so much his wife died of cancer.

If he can go on then so can I right>

I wish I never met this girl I have never felt this . Yea yea I'm feeling sorry for myself but I reckon who wouldn't?

I'm a little bit drunk. Sorry,

[talaniman]

After being dumped a few times, I started seeing that it was an opportunity to meet even better females. That's how I found my wife, after kissing a lot of frogs, and getting pizzed on by a lot of toads, so I think you will heal when the emotional dust settles, and you start seeing other options. You have too much going on for yourself not to.

[KevintheFool]

Ok, been a while ;) need a few views if anyone has any.

After going total NC from the start of March I turned up at staff training (lifeguard training is a compulsory element of the job) at my and the ex's workplace. I walked in ten minutes late on purpose as I didn't want to share a part in the chit chat stuffs before we sit down and go through theory and ressus on the maniquins etc.

So, I enter the room and silence! I knew she was in the room as I had signed in on the sheet you need to sign to "officiate" your attendance. I walk to the head honcho trainer and shake his hand - known him for 8 years and then took a seat after a couple of questions of how I was etc.

Didn't look at the ex or talk to her the whole time. Wasn't nasty or mean about it, but with over ten people in training, there wasn't ever really a moment where we needed to be in contact.

So, after the pool work and simulated rescue stuffs, I got changed and the ex had got out early and I presumed already left. I find her sat down in the building and hand her some of her old items - she doesn't look up, doesn't respond. Nothing. Im cool with that.

So, couple of hours later, its midnight and she rings, I don't answer. She has tried to contact me maybe 5 times since I got back in the UK and each time I have ignored - totally respecting the no contact stuff.

- Jumping back a bit - The day after my uncles wedding (the day after I get back into UK) I was pretty drunk and went over to her place and she's not there but her mother and brother and sister were. I was over the moon as the family were so good to me so I gave some hugs, had some talks and said I had some presents for them from Oz - which I did. It will be kind of obvious to anyone that it must be because I want my ex's family and indeed my ex to think Im a good guy. But seriously that's not how it is. I already know the family likes me a lot, its just they really helped me through some hard stuff in my life as did my ex.

So, I had NC for over three months. Feeling pretty good, been on a date but nothing went anywhere and am getting to the stage where being single is a good thing for me.

But Im off to China for a month in 6 days and so yesterday I said sod it, wrote the ex an email asking if I could have a few moments of her time, not guna be nasty or make her upset and if she doesn't want to meet, that's cool but could she leave my clothes (still got stuff over her place she hasn't yet returned or left at leisure - which seems odd as I left some of her stuff in leisure... ) in the staff room. Cheers!

Just simple, polite, brief. No kisses/anything heavy.

From what people I work with have said, she wants to talk to me. Im worried because we were very close (similar to everyone writing on this site right? :P) and we may have the chance to reconcile.

So what's the problem?

The problem is she has apparently been getting very "close" to our supervisor. I understand that we were broken up and I was the one who has remaining NC despite her attempts. However, this guy is at the workplace too... Depending on how things progress when we talk/if we talk, how do I broach the subject of the supervisor?

Taking a step back it seems absurd that I should even contemplate anything with her again right?

Get my stuff and continue NC?

The supervisor is leaving in a month or so to the other side of the country and already has a long term g/f he is and has messed around with other girls for a long time.

I must make it clear, I don't know if my ex and him were sleeping together/messing around or whatever.

Thoughts?

Thanks in advance :)

[talaniman]

You are too deeply invested in her business. Your following of NC has much to be desired. And any expectations you had about how she should react, is totally unrealistic.

You should have stayed with the NC, and left it at that.