I have never written on one of these sites before - I don't even know if there are many of them around? What I do know is that despite my best attempts to occupy myself and try and distract myself, I cannot get my mind off the girl.

I first met her (lets call her Kelly) when I was 24 and she was 15. I was lifeguarding her as she swam at the pool I worked at part time whilst I also went to uni. The moment I saw her, the very second, I was totally bewildered by her beauty. I found it hard to breathe. I know, I know, corny as but it's the way it was and I haven't ever experienced it before!

Anyway, I didn't know who she was, at the time of seeing her, she was actually taking part in the club championships for the swim club she is in - the same one I was in many years previous. I heard her name announced at the start of her race and she looked up before she took her marks to see if I had heard it and was looking at her... Of course I was...

Ok, on with it! That was back in November 2007. I thought to myself "wow, she was really something", I couldn't get her out of my head. I saw her a few more times - never actually speaking or making contact other than small lingering looks.

I understand also how some people reading this may find me to be a sick disgusting kiddy fiddler or whatever, but in reality, I assumed she was 17/18. Come December, I went on holiday to Australia with my family, I decided that I would search for her on Facebook and I duly found her. I emailed her a small email through a new account I created called "An admirer" so she didn't know my identity. Again, I know I know, sounds stalkerish and crazy... In my email I merely said, hello with a smiley, and that I knew she had a boyfriend (I saw her wlaking out the leisure with a man - later turned out to be her brother to drive her home) but I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were gorgeous!

I didn't even end it with a kiss. I figured I had done something nice and didn't expect a reply but of course hoped for one!

I got one.

We emailed maybe ten, eleven times before I asked her what she was studying at school, expecting her to say maths, english and a science. That's when she told me she was 15...

I replied "ummm, im really sorry, i do think ur lovely but Im too old for u. So very sorry for emailing and best of luck!"

She replied "well, I dont see us doing anything wrong by just emailing but if thats how u feel, take care"...

Such a mature response, I carried on emailing against my better judgement. She wanted to know who I was and I didn't tell her. We emailed a good few hundred emails and she turned 16, we met and we were with each other for nearly two years. I moved out to Australia in December 2009 to stay for a permanent residency visa and that's when it went wrong :(

We always had such an incredibly strong relationship, but due to the age difference, me being 25 and her 16 when we got together, and some huge family troubles (my mother having an affair and my father attempting to kill himself) I didn't have the strength to tell people about us. In a way, I kept it hidden, her parents knew, that was something I made sure of from the start, I would not enter into anything with her unless they knew everything and from the word go. There had to be trust there when the age gap is what it is and at the age she was...

She fell apart when I left... She went to pieces and I so nearly came home but I didn't. I stayed in oz and she met a new chap at her sister's engagement party. She didn't tell me at first, she said they were just friends, but the emails, the texts, they all changed slightly, you know when you just know something is wrong? I asked and asked but she told me trust her and she promised me it was nothing. It was mid January when they met, by the end of January she had broken up with me. The reasons ranged from "I need to find out who i am", "I am so unhappy that you left me and can't forgive you", "I can't forgive u for keeping me hidden from most of ur friends and family for the last two years".

When we were together, she always wanted marriage and stuff. That's way too much too soon for a 17 year old girl. Right? I said woah woah woah, take your time there, you still have so much stuff to do and see. But when we went downhill in late January I said I would give her those things. Anything.

Its now mid march and I haven't heard from her in a week and a half. She has blocked me on msn and Facebook and is with this new chap. I fly back to the UK mid April and want her back so badly. I have sent her an email a few days ago saying that I wish her the best and if adam makes her happy, then good luck. Trying to hard to play it cool and be nice. But I did go to pieces, I cried, I asked her back, she said she wanted me to come home in mid feb and I drove from Albany in Western Australia back to Adelaide in 2 days (2,600km) with no fone signal to get to adelaide and find that she doesn't want me to fly home because she was worried if it wouldn't work and I would resent her.

I know she can't be in love with this new guy.

I guess I don't even know why I'm writing this here and hoping people will read it. I just feel sick a lot and lost. I'm lonely out here as I've travelled about a bit and not had chance to meet people by where I'm staying in adelaide.

Does anyone think there is hope when I return? I will have a nice tan, been working out... I want her back and know I have hurt her so just need to give it time and wait and see right? I need to pick up some stuff from her place, I wonder if she will cry when she sees me, I hope she does because it shows she cares. I hope she clings to me. I hope her feelings come flooding back.

But then what if they don't. What if she opens the door and is just friendly, that would be the worst... she would have moved on if that's the case...

Why did I keep her hidden? Despite the age difference she was the best girlfriend I ever had and I know I ruined it by moving out here to get my visa and by not showing her off. Live and learn right? Live and learn.

Time machine wanted...

She's young... Young people are typically dumb. We all get called "young and dumb" when we make bone headed decisions... Obviously she was not mature enough to carry out a long distance relationship with commitment.

Of coarse she is going to talk about marriage.. and having kids.. and growing up.. You're an older man. Not a high school boy. You showed stability, so why not talk about it?

She probably didn't want to be your "dirty little secret" anymore. She probably found the other guy more appealing due to public outtings with people their own age.

I'm not an expert.. But I believe relationships with huge age gaps only really work once maturity sets in. Its rare that a situation like yours actually succeeds when one of the participants is so young.

She'll probably go through a dozen boyfriends before she graduates high school. I can almost guarantee she is not ready to settle down. I know I wasn't at that age!

You really shouldn't worry about it. And possibly, you may have better luck with finding the woman of your dreams who Isn't currently going to high school.

That's a great reply and I appreciate it :) I would love so much to move on and my heart to not feel what it currently feels you know?

But that's the thing with the heart, it does what it wants!

I have read a couple of other articles on this site about NC - no contact and I think its for sure the way to go. I think I did the right thing telling her I would be there for her when/if she's ready to be friends and I won't lie, I cannot but hope and harbor some sort of reconciliation will come about.

I don't think many people are ready to settle down. Truly, she was always so so certain that was what she wanted. But at 17... So sooooo young!

She is gorgeous and beautiful and everything else but I need this NC thing. Im running at least once a day (day off today as I think running twice a day is a little too much :P) which helps and heading to Fiji in two days with an old friend (male).

I just want her to be happy but in my head, I want her to be happy whilst holding my hand! :S

You seem like a really great guy. But she's really young, she probably doesn't even fully understand what she has done, she's probably living more in the moment. I'm not an expert either, but I think it's better if you find someone else closer to your age. There are plenty of wonderful people in this world, you will find amazing love again. Somewhere in this world a girl is wishing to meet her dream guy and you are him. Just wait till the day you 2 meet, it will be wonderful. That might sound a bit cheese lol but I think its true.

Im in such an emotional rollercoaster! Discovered this site and was like "wow! My saviour on a website!!"... It really helped because although I knew that I was neevr going to be the first person in the world with a broken heart, to actually read the words of others and share in a similar pain took away the feeling of lonliness...

I thought I had met the girl in her, truly! Before she met this guy she would plead with me to come home and before I got my visa through, I offered it to her, I told her I would marry her, give her anything. That was the weekend of the 13th/14th of February and she ignored me :(

Was beside myself! A few days later I find out she had started seeing this new guy. The day after that we spoke on the phone and she agreed to me coming home and we would make it work again... Travel - as stated previously - like a demon to Adelaide, to find she's unsure about the whole thing once again...

She is confused, she can't love this new guy. I want to say who cares if she does? But I care! I REALLY care! I hate that I do but after spending two years in eachothers pockets, she has someone new and Im holding the candle.

Im maybe a week into this no contact thing and sometimes its easy. Sometimes you just want to drink as many Corona's as you possibley can or in my case run too much.

I miss her :( man I miss her :( but that's OK. That's natural. I get all the intelligence of the situation.

Cynicism is the opiate of the intellectual but love haveth no bounds!

Thanks for your message chickie543, I reckon I could be hitting this site kind of hard the next couple of days before I fly out!

No problem! It's normal to still care about the person. But reality is you care about someone who isn't even the same person anymore. You love who she used to be.
Being on this website has helped me a lot. It's a feeling like you aren't alone in heartbreak.
Please keep us posted, I hope you feel better, stay fit and keep those endorphins flowing! That's helped me a lot too.

That's why adults shouldn't play with kids, sorry guy, but she grew up on you, she couldn't help it.

I had a friend in high school who dated an older guy. He was a freshman in College while we were sophmores in high school.

Your situation may be different.. BUT

She use to love telling me she was dating a college guy. Everyone was sooo amazed that she was dating a college guy. She graduated high school, moved in with him.. And the relationship fell apart 6 months later. They continued to be together for 4 years and were on the brinks of getting married. She finally called it off.

I guess what I'm saying is.. Maybe you were just a status symbol to her. When you weren't around, she started looking for someone else. She couldn't show you off anymore. Like my friend -- you two became different people. She's probably going to go through another change before she discovers who she is.

Maybe this girl is more manipulative then you think.

That's just my opinion. I could be totally off...

But quite honestly... You sound like an awesome guy. Seems like you love to travel and that you really do give your whole self to someone...

But... I do know one thing... I'm totally in love with my boyfriend.. I can see myself with him for life -- And if he had to move away... Id totally follow him... Hell or high water, I would follow him

Its true chickie, I do love who she used to be. I guess I don't really know who she is right now... Curiosity leads me to want to find out though! However, as I read elsewhere, curiosity killed the cat.

Just got to leave it behind!

Talaniman - I appreciate your input. I never expected to fall for this girl. She is the youngest of four and its easy for me to say this but she is and always was very mature. When I first met her after all the emails, I was expecting her to be as you say "just a kid", but she wasn't. I had no expectations of anything lasting, but as I said, you can't help what your heart implores you to do. I went with it, I fell in love. I don't regret it because I shared some of the happiest moments of my life. She probably did grow up on me. I don't hate her. Would make it easier if I did. But I tell myself it's a good thing, I do hope she's happy despite missing her more than anything I have missed before.

Ok, beginning to sound like Im going to break into a song and dance or something!

Lucky098 - Interesting analysis, I hadn't ever really looked at it from the point of view that I was a status symbol. I can easily laugh that off because of how much time we shared and what we shared, it was very real. But it's a possibility and one that I will add to the list of the reasons of why its good its over!

Thanks for your comments on me :P don't feel like an awesome guy, feel like I broke my baby girl's heart coming here and not showing her to my friends and family. Got myself to blame.

Keep smiling :P time for a run soon I think!


When I say "she is the youngest of four" I mean she has three older siblings. A brother and sisters to learn from and I believe this created the maturity in her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KevintheFool

I went with it, I fell in love. I dont regret it because I shared some of the happiest moments of my life.

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Live with no regrets is what I say.

If being with her was the best moments of your life, then cherish it. Hold it close to your heart... Nothing wrong with that at all.

But, I think you need to move on. If your paths meet again, then run with it.. But don't force those paths to meet. Otherwise it will never work.

I do hold the memories close! I also try and concentrate on the bad aspects, of which, there really aren't any I can think of. I don't say that without giving it good consideration, I do think I messed something great up.

But hey, what's done is done :P I have learnt something from the experience and I have the chance to improve myself, get back into training for my next challenge!

I am moving on. Its tough, but then, it obviously always is!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KevintheFool

Thanks for your comments on me :P dont feel like an awesome guy, feel like I broke my baby girl's heart coming here and not showing her to my friends and family. Got myself to blame.

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Do not blame yourself. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you planned. This is not your fault it just seems like her feelings changed and you can't help that. Again not your fault so don't feel like you can't be an awesome guy to someone else.

Don't want to be an awesome guy to another girl...

Just soooooooo frustrating! I asked and asked and asked about this new guy writing on her wall on Facebook, "No, we are just friends" "Trust me Kevin" "I promise you its nothing". I would ask and ask and you know when you just KNOW?

The texts changed, the emails changed. You go insane thinking about it.

Im talking to a different ex - just on a friendly basis, we lived in uni together for 3 years and we share a big interest in World of Warcraft - sad as I know! But it's a helpful distraction, plus a bit of banter that I have more achievements and titles than her!

(Nobody is going to have a clue what I'm going on about and thinking I'm now an uber geek lol)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KevintheFool

Dont want to be an awesome guy to another girl

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That's not true. You will find a girl again, that you will love and care for.

Im headed to Beijing in July for a month now. That's something to look forward to, if the girl had taken me back I wouldn't have gone. I couldn't leave her again I told myself.

But hey, I do love travelling and seeing new stuff. Plus, its to learn mandarin :P that's going to be crazy hard!

Sounds like a lot of fun!! Good luck learning mandarin, it seems really hard!!

Seeing as I am and haven't ever been great with learning languages then yea, I'm thinking its guna be kind of tough!

Great distraction if I feel rubbish still though.

Feeling perky today though. :D so far anyway!

That's awesome to hear! You will have lots of fun on your trip! Keep us posted :D

Its not for a few months so you will probably read a little more of my journey to recovery before then! Going to Fiji the morrow though so won't be posting for a while. Have to write letters instead as newguy (dif thread) has been doing and you also I believe? Or at least you were.

It it helps then Im all for it!

I think about my girl (former) and I know currently she's going to be in the honeymoon phase with this new guy, all exciting and stuff. Because she met him through her older sister too, her older sister supports her fully with the new guy and doesn't really like me.

She has good reason to not like me though :( after I spent the weekend of valentines trying to contact her to no avail I emailed her older sister's house mate (I will call Sally). Sally had previously been in a relationship with the housemate I contacted and had been cheating on him for months with another guy who she is now engaged with. The guy she is engaged with is good friends with Adam, the chap who is now with my ex.

Confused yet? :P

Basically, I was so insensed about the whole situation and being ignored which was very unfair, I emailed Sally's house mate and told him about Sally's infidelity. I did this because I was so very hurt and drunk. I knew that my girl was with her sister and this guy that weekend and knew too that Sally had probably pushed my girl to this guy.

This probably makes no sense at all does it? But what Im saying is, Im a million miles away, can't fight for her but because of what's happened I don't think there will be anything to fight for anyway. The only hope I have is if she comes out of the honeymoon stage and yearns after me again. I tell myself he could only be a rebound thing...

But then this is all so negative to my own healing. Just leave it alone. It drives you insane doesn't it :S

Threads have been merged

I have another post I wrote just yesterday which explains my situation but today I have sort of come to my senses in respect that the girl I was with has totally taken me for a ride...

She met this new guy and she changed instantly (I am in australia till April and she's in the uk), her texts changed, her msn convo's with me changed, the feel of everything just changed... She then starts to say that she thinks she needs to find herself, she's unhappy and needs to sort herself out, put herself first.

I give her space, I allow her time. She texts me how upset she is and I comfort her. She is crying all the time and telling me she thinks she has made a mistake etc.

Looking back, I now see that she didn't want to hurt me, but she was saying the things she was saying to make me feel bad. She was twisting everything so that I accepted that she was unhappy which gave her a greenlight to get with this new guy.

The last email I wrote to her, maybe a week and a half ago basically said that I was sorry, I took full blame for everything and since then I have not heard anything. She wrote in the email previous to that one, how she didn't want this new guy. She just wanted to be on her own and sort her head out.

Low and behold within two or three days I am blocked on Facebook and msn and she is now in a relationship with this guy.

I feel like such an idiot. I feel like I have totally and utterly been made a total fool of and treated like a prize d**khead for no reason. Why not have the guts and courage to just tell me how it is from the start and be big enough to say you met someone new... Why give me hope to only take it away again. How could she do this? I thought this girl was special!

This just dawned on me like half and hour ago after reading old emails about "how we can get through this time apart if we are together", how she "loves me more than anything and would never hurt me".

MAN IM SO MAD!!