[Fault]

Get a hotel room and learn about each other's bodies. Remember to properly use birth control even without 'sex'. Just feel and explore with no expectations other than being together and relaxing.

If she isn't open to that then I don't think she ever will be.

Right now with mom's house and mom downstairs or a dorm where neighbors can hear everything is not conducive to taking time and getting used to what each other needs.

Frustration and trying to 'get it over with' will only hurt the relationship as you are learning.

editted to add: the edit feature becomes available after a certain number of posts.

Ah OK thanks about the edit button.

Well see that's the reason I have a dorm room...

[Cat1864]

How much privacy do you really have in that dorm room?

How many people 'know' what are you doing in that dorm room? People who know you or see you all the time.

A tent in a campground would be less public.

[liewiskc]

Hey man.. I'm in the same boat. Its almost like I wrote that.. Ha. I just try to stay light hearted about it. Do other things to keep your mind off it. Because if there is something going on mentally only she can fix it.. as much as we want to help we cant. It sucks, but that's the way things are.

[asking]

I agree with Cat about getting some private space and less pressure. She may not be as relaxed in your dorm room as you are. Try a hotel room if she wants to try it. I would not surprise her with this.

But I also have concerns about her. Her unhappy relationship with her abusive and abandoning father is probably not irrelevant. Her anxiety and harsh comments to you are not a good sign. I would back off a little and see if that helps your over all relationship. It's possible you are pressuring her too much. But my take is that there are more issues here than that. You should tell her that you are trying hard to please her and that her impatient comments hurt your feelings.

[Alty]

I rubbed her for maybe a min or so, and then she tells me to stop, saying she was 'all dried out' because I 'took too long'.

You "rubbed" her for a minute or so and you took too long? What does she expect, instant gratification?

She then says to me that I don't do enough to sexually satisfy her, and she doesn't want to give me another opportunity.

I'd like a list of the things she does for you. Does she give you any sexual satisfaction at all? You say you go down on her, does she go down on you? You say that you finger her, does she do anything at all for you? If she doesn't then she should keep her mouth shut and her legs crossed.

Why are you with this girl again?

[asking]

I should be more explicit about my concern. A man who hits his wife almost 100% certainly is also emotionally abusive, which means harsh, belittling comments and other forms of insidious verbal abuse. If your girlfriend was raised in an environment like that she most likely was on the receiving end of at least some of it and knows how to dish it out. What she said to you sounds cruel to me. I don't doubt that her anxiety is genuine, but I'm concerned that she is making you unhappy. I just think you should think about whether you feel loved and cherished in this relationship. It's hard for us to tell, but it sounds like you are not.

Also, this may be totally wrong, but is there any possibility she was sexually molested by her father? In general, men who hit don't respect boundaries, and you said she was a daddy's girl. This could explain her extreme anxiety surrounding this issue. It could also be completely off base. I'm just trying to make sense of what you've told us.

[saturnine]

I had unprotected sex for 4 years with my boyfriend, and then I got pregnant, I have a beautiful little girl, and we have had sex since then, while I was breastfeeding, and after that, these times always with a condom and pulling out . But 2 months ago I missed my period, false alarm, and have had sex maybe 2 times since then . He feels bad, because he wants to, and our relationship is getting worse . But a long time ago, he said sex is not so important for him ( apparently as long as he gets it ) I am very upset, because I feel I cannot talk to him anymore, he does not take anything I say seriously anymore, if he ever did . I thought about it, and came to the conclusion that I am so afraid of getting pregnant that I just shut down my libido, it is not just abstinence, I actually stopped desiring sex, just like I stopped eating sweets when I saw I was getting fat, and I ate a lot, and anyone knows it's hard to stop . I cannot have another child, for so many reasons, (none medical), and I don't want another child .Also I am horrified at the thought of an abortion . So I just thought it is selfish of him to ask me to put my life at risk (risk because on an abortion might kill you, or you may commit suicide if you cannot live with it, or go crazy , and risk that I will be even more depressed if another baby will mess my body up beyond acceptance .) .I just feel that if he is acting badly because we are not having sex, maybe he does not love me. I think that if sex is like money for him, that if I have sex with him then he is nice to me and listens to me and puts value on what I say, etc. then all that is false . I don't want to pay with my sanity for a little attention and a kind word . He is not a bad guy, maybe he does still love me, if he ever did, or was it just the sex feeling for him ? Maybe he just does not understand this fear, because even if he would hurt too if I got pregnant and had another child, or feel bad if I had an abortion, and felt really bad, it really would not be him doing the actual suffering , would he ? Is's not his body being f** up . I'm 24 and looked just fine before, at 23, like when I was 16, and suddenly I look like I should have looked maybe at 30 . It's a bitter pill to swallow . I just don't want to get hurt anymore, in any way . I've had my share of hurt in my life, enough is enough , if he gets it fine, if he does not, I am ready to give him up, if it comes to that .