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Romefalls19 · Apr 27, 2009, 05:24 AM

You could just drop it off while she is at work or try and get a 3rd party to drop it off for you.

jmw0713 · Apr 27, 2009, 06:16 AM

Have a relative or a good friend drop the stuff off for you. I went through the same emotions you are when my ex dumped me. The first couple months of NC are pure hell! However, if you stick to it and resist talking to her, then you will feel 1000% better in a few weeks. You still won't be totally over her, but you will not be sobbing at nights and thinking of her as much.

It takes time. Sorry to say, it won't be easy. Be prepared for the "out of the blue" phone calls. If you do talk to her, keep it brief. Your emotions will well up very quickly and you must remain strong.

ldanny · Apr 27, 2009, 12:42 PM

She moved out and I don't know where she lives anymore... and I don't think she told her family... and trying to forget her right now, its even harder because I am sick (flu that I got from her).. Her brother just text to for a lunch that we have every year... I don't think I am going to go.. probably just ignore the text...

ldanny · Apr 30, 2009, 10:28 AM

Ahhh.. I was doing so well, almost two weeks of NC and today I gave in and text/ called her...

lighterrr · Apr 30, 2009, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by ldanny

ahhh.. i was doing so well, almost two weeks of NC and today I gave in and text/ called her...

So what happened ? How did it make you feel by calling her? What was her response to your call?

ldanny · Apr 30, 2009, 11:03 AM

We talked like we were just friends... nothing more nothing less.. its over...

lighterrr · Apr 30, 2009, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by ldanny

we talked like we were just friends... nothing more nothing less.. its over...

So you need to accept the relationship and move on. You have already admitted it to yourself that their no future with this girl.:) Open up yourself to new people this a whole new world out their waiting for you to engage.

Good luck

ldanny · Apr 30, 2009, 12:34 PM

Thanks.. you I swept and cried about this relationship for the past 3 weeks.. and the past few days of NC really made me feel better.. Talking to her today made me want to get back with her.. but its not going to her me if we don't... Thanks for all the support, don't get me wrong. I am still very hurt but I think its to the point that it doesn't matter anymore. I still think of her and the relationship every moment of the day but it just isn't as strong of a pain anymore.

jmw0713 · Apr 30, 2009, 02:18 PM

Yes and that pain will get weaker and weaker as time goes on. Don't worry a lot of people give in and contact the ex. I gave in when she called me about two weeks ago. We talked like friends (:sarcastic: yay!) and shared a laugh, but she is off doing her thing and I am doing mine and that is were we stand.

The problem with contact is the fact that it may go well or it may not. Either way you feel crappy after you talk to them because you either miss them more after a few days, or you feel like you just made things worse if the contact didn't go well.

In my case, it made me miss her. For a few days after words I just kept thinking about her. However, after a few days, everything went back to normal for me.

Most of the time when contact occurs, you don't find out anything new that you want to hear. It's just the way it is.

lighterrr · Apr 30, 2009, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by ldanny

thanks.. ya i swept and cried about this relationship for the past 3 weeks.. and the past few days of NC really made me feel better.. Talking to her today made me want to get back with her.. but its not going to her me if we dont... Thanks for all the support, don't get me wrong. I am still very hurt but I think its to the point that it doesnt matter anymore. I still think of her and the relationship every moment of the day but it just isnt as strong of a pain anymore.

Very true and it will get better:)

ldanny · May 13, 2009, 02:29 PM

I was doing so well with NC. Then she calls me to help her move... the sucker I am.. I agreed, I wasted two weekends helping her and thought this would show her I care...

Bottomline, she wants to focus on herself and making herself happy... This just messed me up so much. Here is the kicker, she is heading a trip this weekend... and I think it is with one of my friend (guy). I know I should have and have to let go... It was getting better now it is like I am starting over in the healing process...

jmw0713 · May 14, 2009, 06:28 AM

We all slip sometimes. Just remember the lesson you learned from this and don't repeat it.

It will take you a few days to get back to where you were. I think you will also notice that it doesn't hurt as much this time as it did when you first started the healing process.

At least you definitely know you are making the right choice by initiating NC.

ldanny · May 14, 2009, 11:26 AM

You.. I just can't understand how a person can throw a 6.5 year relationship out the window...

jmw0713 · May 14, 2009, 08:36 PM

No one ever understands why the one they love leaves them in the dust. I know I didn't (and still don't) understand why my ex dumped me after 4 years, but she did.

The only thing you can do is pick yourself up and use this experience to as a learning tool to make you stronger for your next relationship.

ldanny · May 16, 2009, 07:16 PM

I don't know why I'm still so stuck on her.. lost my appetite again.. so stupid... I hooked up with another girl last night but all I kept thinking about was her... wth is wrong with me? Its bugging me so much to know that she is on vacation with someone I don't know... but the thought that she is with one of my buddies is making me sick... I don't know...

kdomi002 · May 17, 2009, 01:31 AM

Idanny,

I know how you feel. My ex of 4 years just broke up with me five days ago. He had asked for breaks in the past and I manged to talk my way out of them. I think that I was afraid to lose him. I kind of put some pressure on him about the marriage thing, too, but It took a very unpleasant but enlightening talk for me to realize that he is def not ready for marriage and frankly neither am I. That family pressure can really get to you like it did me. I come from a hispanic household and marriage is a big deal. I have come to realize that I will not let that pressure consume me ever again. It has made me practically lose the man I love.

MY biggest mistake was that in the last 2 years of our relationship I became very clingy and needy. For some reason I needed him so much and never worked on my individuality and independence. Now I am going through the toughest phase of the break up: he says he loves and cares about me, but that we both need this to discover who we are, get things done with our careers and be able to breathe (we are both 23 yrs old). I had to agree or else I know that I would push him away for good. The thing is that I still love him deeply and have hopes that we will get back together. We were about to move in together and I was already in the process of doing those things that were going to make him see a change in me, I just didn't get the chance, :(.

Since then I have focused more on making friends, I'm about to get a gym membership and got a work out buddy, going to focus on work and school and see where it takes me. There are days when I feel I'm great and I can be alone and just fine, and there are other times that I am so disappointed that I haven't gotten a call or tx or email. But I will do my best to not contact him. I would be lying if I said that I do not have hopes and would give it a shot again if we agreed to take it much slower than we have been, but at the same time, sometimes I wonder if things happen for a reason. I'm still battling this and I don't expect it to be easy.

All I could advise you is to do what I am doing now. Continue your life, focus on other things. If you happen to move on during this then good for you and you will be free, but you can't expect her to give you an answer yet. Before a good time for both of you to think, you might make decisions that are not the best for you. I am learning the hard way that I should have given him space before, and now its hard, but I'm trying my best. But whatever you do: do not marry her if you are not ready, just to keep her. It will only turn out worse and you will be kicking yourself in the butt!

ldanny · May 17, 2009, 02:26 AM

I tried to propose because I really love her.. but I said it all wrong and she thinks that I only proposed to keep her. I am just so overwhelmed with emotions, and that she lied to me about the trip got me really thinking that she did run off with my buddy... It just sucks if they really did, because we have a close knit group of friends... I'm just a mess, I just want god to guide me in the pathway. I am just afraid that I will flip out if I found out she got with someone else already, I know there is nothing I can do but it still hurts very much.

I have a tub filled with things between the two of us. Sometimes I just want to make a bonfire out of it. Just feels like everything she ever told me was a lie. I should have known better, she cheated on my before. So I think she wanted a break to test the water, so she can get with someone else. She ever called me a "safety" because she knows I "still love her so much"

I am just kicking myself for caring so much for someone like this, it is just too crazy.

susangpyp · May 17, 2009, 02:30 AM

It's time to stop focusing on her and start thinking about you.

1. Remain NC no matter what. She's moving on. If she contacts you it's for her own selfish reasons. Stay NC and stop being a puppy dog when she calls.

2. Start doing nice things for you. Join a gym, join some social or sports groups.

3. Start journaling about how bad you really feel about all this. And stay out of her head. Stop yourself when you start sentences with "I think she...." You're just driving yourself crazy.

Keep the focus on YOU and your moving on. And be good to you!

ldanny · May 17, 2009, 02:43 AM

I try so hard to focus on myself, I wish I can be more selfish... I think that is why everyone takes advantage of that... It is just so hard, she is in my head every moment... I just want to forget her and maybe the pain will stop...

We said no contact and then she txted me that she was going on her trip so we text back and forward for a bit. Then she ignores me, next time she text, I just want to text back "don't txt me anymore unless it is important." that's what she said to me...

susangpyp · May 17, 2009, 02:51 AM

Originally Posted by ldanny

i try so hard to focus on myself, i wish i can be more selfish... i think that is why everyone takes advantage of that.... It is just so hard, she is in my head every moment... i just want to forget her and maybe the pain will stop....

we said no contact and then she txted me that she was going on her trip so we txt back and forward for a bit. then she ignores me, next time she txt, I just want to txt back "don't txt me anymore unless it is important." thats what she said to me...

You have to take back your power. NC is NC. Ignore her texts and don't text her.

Until you go NC completely she is going to be in your head and you have to focus on YOU.

She's focused on her and you're focused on her. NO ONE is focused on you! Not fair! So you have to focus on yourself.