[J_9]

It is so good to hear that you are one of the guys who really knows where he is coming from. We get so many people on here that ask for advice and just keep on doing what they wanted to stop in the first place.

You say you work in a seasonal resort. My cousin does too and when he ran into a similar situation, actually his was worse, but he was able to transfer to another resort owned by the same company. Is this a possibility for you? Just a suggestion.

However, it is good to know that you have your head on straight and really know the answers. You just needed to hear what you were thinking from people who do not know you personally.

Yeah, you will be confused, people like her are confusing. She is like a yo-yo.

Just keep your head up and know for sure that there are women out there who do like Nice Guys. ;) So, if I were you, I wouldn't necessarily change myself, just keep a sharp eye out for the women who like the bad boys and stay away.

[chuff]

Maybe she is a nut job in disguise. Maybe this Bronica one is the one you need to avoid. lol

Now that did get a laugh out of me. Maybe Bronica is really "Nicole"

Fairy tale ending I do not think so.

My fairy tale ending at this point would be if she got fired. But that's not going to happen. I'll just have to settle with her friend telling me how bad it makes her feel that I don't say hello back to her when she says it to me.

You have had excellant advice all the way through except for the Bronica one.

The funny thing is the advice is kind of what I already knew but didn't want to accept. Sometimes you just need that kick in the butt to get back to reality.

I hope you remain friends witht the new girl, even with the threats and behaviour from the other girl. That would be a shame if that friendship was lost or strained because of the behaviour of somebody else.

Yeah we were able to remain friends at work although she now keeps a distance from me outside of work. So I know that it bothered her, and if you knew this girl she is very innocent and kind, so Nicole's actions were not only completely overboard but totally underserving to someone with her head on straight like my friend. It hasn't been the same since Nicole cornered her. Mind you, Nicole is the woman who continues to run back to her boyfriend and even though we weren't doing anything, this other woman and I were somehow the bad people. If that doesn't tell you (and me if I had just opened my eyes) she has problems right there than nothing else will. Even Nicoles friend was disgusted by this behavior and said it resulted from jealousy. Obviously, that's the case but why she's jealous when she's got a boyfriend I still can't understand.

Good luck with everything and yes, ignore and stay away. Going back and forth and trying to be friendly with somebody that does not know up from down will just mess you up and interfere with your work and other workers.

Joe

Thank you for you kind words. I'm doing the best I can although she still says good morning to me every day and sometimes I do give her a hello back. Other times I don't and she whines to her friends about it. But I figure that someone who has no respect for me so why even give her the satisfaction of a good morning. She's just a lost cause and I'm happy she lost on someone else. Again, thank you for your kind words.

[valinors_sorrow]

If you like, you can borrow my trick. I have a "Nod List" for people who are so awful, so sick that to say good morning to them means the game is on. I nod to acknowledge their presence and that is all, ever. I never speak another word to them nor do I discuss them with others (except to mention that they're on my "Nod List" and that's all they're ever getting out of me). If others attempt to talk about them I diplomatically ditch the conversation or if I am stuck, I stick my fingers in my ears and sing (badly of course LOL) la la la la la I can't hear you until they get the point. It is possible to close a topic entirely and I am grateful I know how. It takes what it takes sometimes, you know?

[Bronica]

Though you both work at the same resort her demeanor is different... shes been explained different.. maybe she's not the one well off maybe her parents are I do however seem to think she thinks your not good enough for her for whatever reason money or not. Aside from that she's got the love hate type of thing going.. "wanting her cake and eat it too".as w/all the others comments your better of w/out her, though I know its nice to be wanted even if its only for a little while "its better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all" move on to bigger and better things. Couples are better and stronger when they can relate. No to mention do you really want to make sure your girlfriend/wife whater you choose has taken her prozac for the day? And as I once hear in a movie "you can't ride two horses w/one A## sugar pea!" good luck no matter and sorry if I came off wrong

[chuff]

It is so good to hear that you are one of the guys who really knows where he is coming from. We get so many people on here that ask for advice and just keep on doing what they wanted to stop in the first place.

Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really interested in Nicole, or at least the woman I believed her to be, or at least the woman I convinced myself she was.

You say you work in a seasonal resort. My cousin does too and when he ran into a similar situation, actually his was worse, but he was able to transfer to another resort owned by the same company. Is this a possibility for you? Just a suggestion.

Thanks for your advice. We actually own two properties here on the island but I'm based out of one. Basically, I'm stuck here because only one other person can do my job so I'm not going anywhere. As much as I hate Nicole she's really good at her job and she's worked here for 6 years so she's not going anywhere either. I just have to tough it out until the end of the season which is November. That doesn't sound bad but if you work in this environment that can be a long time away.

However, it is good to know that you have your head on straight and really know the answers. You just needed to hear what you were thinking from people who do not know you personally.

You are right. I needed advice outside my circle because even her friends keep saying things like, "Someday you'll wind up together" and "She really likes you but she's confused." I'm not blaming them because I know they mean well, but that kind of stuff doesn't help me and it only adds to me making excuses for her, and my confusion over the whole thing.

Yeah, you will be confused, people like her are confusing. She is like a yo-yo.

She's beyond confusing. I just need to figure out how to cut that string on the yo-yo.

Just keep your head up and know for sure that there are women out there who do like Nice Guys. ;) So, if I were you, I wouldn't necessarily change myself, just keep a sharp eye out for the women who like the bad boys and stay away.

Well, I have to give credit to Wildcat on this one. He's right I've been I nice guy my whole life and I always wind up hurt in the end. At this point in my life I just don't think I can change because it's so far embedded in my personality. It just sucks when you try to do the right thing by other people and they don't appreciate it.

[J_9]

Well, if it makes any difference, I have always been the "good girl." Guys don't want good girls as much as girls don't want "nice guys."

It takes a lot of pain and trauma, but we are the ones who make out best in the long run.

It doesn't matter what other people say, just stay true to yourself. Do not change because "this is what women like." You will find the right person. Just don't give up.

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF!! Stay the nice guy, you will be happier in the end.

[valinors_sorrow]

or at least the woman I convinced myself she was.

That was a bullseye!

I've been I nice guy my whole life and I always wind up hurt in the end.

Good girls and nice guys get hurt but they aren't the only ones who do. Bear in mind that the bad girls and guys do too and actually more often, only in a different perhaps less measurable way. And frankly, I see it as more of the functional (and healthy) tangling with the dysfunctional (and unhealthy) until the functional finally find each other. I have lived on both sides of that fence and can tell you that (true, not the wimpy ones Wildcat speaks of) nice guys no more finish last all the time than good girls have to kiss a lot of frogs. But it helps to be able to recognise people for who they are rather than who you hope they are. Fantasy belongs in comic books or movies and wishful or magical thinking should be left behind in childhood. Its not being a nice guy that is doing it as much as you not living in reality that is. And, like it or not, there are a lot of duplicit people out there too. Discernment takes time and experience. Make the hurt count for something by learning the lesson -- make a personal commitment to live in reality and lose those rose colored glasses. Then when you do hope, you can base it on something real-- that way it may stand the test of time.

[confused25]

Hey Chuff---I'm glad to see that you have been able to handle this situation. Definitely keep coming back here because these people are great at giving advice.

Also, I wanted to address your comment about nice guys finishing last. Personally, I don't think that's the case, especially in this situation. This girl is just plain crazy, so whether you were nice or bad you would have been in one painful relationship.

Moreover, listen to what Wildcat says, he knows what he is talking about. It's not that girls don't want a nice guy, they really do, but more then anything they want a man who is confident. And in reality it's possible to be confident and nice at the same time. Be romantic, show you care, be sweet and charming, but don't over do it to the point it that it loses it's meaning. It's kind of like chocolate and other sweets, it tastes really good but it can be really bad for you if not taken in moderation.

So basically, stay the good guy you are! Just be more confident, put your foot down when you need to, and things will go your way.

[YeloDasy]

Yeah, sounds like this girl has a power trip going on. Who cares why... she just does... good for you for keeping it civil at work with no contact via friends or herself. Sometimes we get caught up in a fantasy of what something really is, but you are right to see that she is not what you wanted her to be... hard lesson learned here... hopefully you learned something. DRAMA SUCKS! Haha

J9, yeah, I am a nice girl too and we get hurt sometimes... but I will win in the end, and so will you Cuff! :) You deserve someone who appreciates you and what you have to offer! :) Good Luck!

[chuff]

If you like, you can borrow my trick. I have a "Nod List" for people who are so awful, so sick that to say good morning to them means the game is on. I nod to acknowledge their presence and that is all, ever. I never speak another word to them nor do I discuss them with others (except to mention that they're on my "Nod List" and that's all they're ever getting out of me). If others attempt to talk about them I diplomatically ditch the conversation or if I am stuck, I stick my fingers in my ears and sing (badly of course LOL) la la la la la I can't hear you until they get the point. It is possible to close a topic entirely and I am grateful I know how. It takes what it takes sometimes, ya know?

This is such a great and funny idea. Tell me what you think about me tweaking it and when she say's good morning, I nod. Eventually she will complain that I don't return the good morning so I would then say, "I nodded!" She would complain that's not the same and then I would say, "Not everybody is on my nod list, your a very special member in a very exclusive club. Not many people get on the Nod list but you've truly earned it. If you want to be some kind of impolite person and don't want to be acknowledged just let me know, and I'll take you off the exclusive list." That is all sarcasm and I would say it with a smile. That would be so funny. The only problem with that is that it requires talking to her.

though you both work at the same resort her demeanor is different...shes been explained different..maybe shes not the one well off maybe her parents are i do however seem to think she thinks your not good enough for her for whatever reason money or not.

What do you mean when you say her demeanor is different? Different than what? What do you mean when you say she's been explained different? I'm the one who explained her? You may be right, she may think I'm not good enough but can you please tell me why and where your getting that impression. If that's the case I'd like to at least know the vibe I'm giving off.

aside from that shes got the love hate type of thing going.."wanting her cake and eat it too".as w/all the others comments your better of w/out her, though i know its nice to be wanted even if its only for a little while "its better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all" move on to bigger and better things. couples are better and stronger when they can relate. no to mention do you really want to make sure your girlfriend/wife whater you choose has taken her prozac for the day? and as i once hear in a movie "you can't ride two horses w/one A## sugar pea!" good luck no matter and sorry if i came off wrong

Well, I'm not here to say you were wrong but I just wanted an explanation. I don't want you to apologize for giving an honest opinion. If that's how you feel then I want you to tell me about what I said or did that gave you that impression. Hopefully I, or somebody else reading this can learn from it.

[valinors_sorrow]

This is such a great and funny idea. Tell me what you think about me tweaking it and when she say's good morning, I nod. Eventually she will complain that I don't return the good morning so I would then say, "I nodded!" She would complain that's not the same and then I would say, "Not everybody is on my nod list, your a very special member in a very exclusive club. Not many people get on the Nod list but you've truly earned it. If you want to be some kind of impolite person and don't want to be acknowledged just let me know, and I'll take you off the exclusive list." That is all sarcasm and I would say it with a smile. That would be so funny. The only problem with that is that it requires talking to her.

Sarcasm or not, it seems somewhat defensive when you aren't the least bit wrong or worse yet, an attempt to teach an unteachable person-- remember what they say about wrestling with a pig in mud? You'll never win and after a while you'll understand the pig likes it. These types of people thrive on attention, as several posts here already pointed out, and the whole point of the nod is, well, as close to zero attention as possible? :p

Besides I am not big on sarcasm either LOL, I was once told it's a coward's form of anger and stopped me in my tracks with that! :eek:

Now with that said, I do take some naughty delight in watching their initial angst over being as powerless over me as I was over them but I will atone for that sin later, I am sure. :D But they tend to move on to more willing players so that's ultimately what I like-- it ends everything and I get to feel "done". I have no illusions about changing others.

[K_3]

It sounds as though you have it all under control with some great advice. I have to say she has issues upon issues. That is the bad thing about dating someone you work with... the breakup:eek: I worked with a couple that broke up and she even complained to the boss he was not friendly to her. Each morning for a week he would stop at her desk, or go into the break room when she was there. He always made sure many people were around. He would stop, say good morning to her and make such a production of it that everyone could not help but snicker. It did not take long for everyone to stop listening to her drama. He did not look like he was ignoring her and she looked a bit of a fool. I admit he should have been an actor because he did it differently each day and quite funny. She too was a total nut case.

[chuff]

Hey Everybody,

First I wanted to again, say THANK YOU to everybody who posted a response here. I truly can't express to each of you how helpful you have been to me because for awhile there I was losing my mind.

I also wanted to give an update from the past week. I've been a bit under the weather but I have just continued to ignore the nutcase. Last Monday our friend kept asking questions regarding when I was going to talk to her and she said that soon we would be talking again. This went on for several minutes and finally I asked her, "What's going on here? Why are you asking me all these questions? Did she put you up to this?" My friend said "No, I just want to see you two talking."

At this moment I learned something that was in the back of my mind from something Talaniman said, and I hope others can take away from my experience. Part of the reason I continued to have a false hope that something would develop between us was that our friend wanted to see that as well. I was listening to her friend and not paying attention to the woman I was interested in. Her behavior should have told me months ago to cut her loose. As I look back I realize that Nicole not only played me but also played our friend. I think she's still playing our friend for a fool. Nicole told our friend that I don't talk to her because she stood me up but for some reason didn't mention to her that she told me nothing was going to happen between us. To me that would have made her look better than admitting to our friend she stood me up. So she continues to lie to our friend about me.

Nicole comes in every morning and says, "Good morning Travis" and I either say, "What up?" or don't answer at all. The other day when I didn't respond and just walked by she complained again to our mutual friend. I told our friend that I don't wish Good mornings to people who lie to me because I don't feel her exclamation every day that I have a Good morning is genuine. She then tried to continue the conversation about her and I just interrupted her and said, "I've moved on, she should too, let's not talk about her." Well, this morning she walks in drops her purse on a table in our office and angerily says, "Good morning Travis." I looked up for a second, but never looked at her, and then put my head back down to do my work, and smiled, never saying a word back to her. I realized at this moment that her moody, immature behavior no longer controlled me. I'm not saying I'm in control of her or this situation but I'm no longer confused, or wanting her approval. It was a great feeling to be sure.

Wildcat, I appreciate the websites, and I've read a lot on askmen.com (I've been sick for the last week so I haven't read it all) and I've got to tell you I see a lot of myself in the ask doc feature. Unfortunately, a lot of what I see is not good. As a result I've looked back at this situation and past problems I 've had with ex-girlfriends and other women and realized that a change is in order.

I want others to take this away from my situation. I have continued to do what I've always done and always been hurt in the end. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from my mistakes. Listen to the advice on this board. It is right on, and top noch. I know I've repeated this a couple times, but when your in the middle of a situation you sometimes can't think straight. Getting help from here really put everything in perspective. All of you have helped me put my head back on and I truly thank you all.

I just wanted to do a update after a week and I hope some of you can learn from me. Hopefully some of you can see my path from darkness to light and follow it through.

[YeloDasy]

Good for you!! :) Glad you are learning about yourself in the meantime! Woohoo!!

[valinors_sorrow]

You are free at last... now the trick is to remain that way. Please know this Chuff: no healthy relationship will require that you give up any part of you, in fact, it will only enhance that you remain your own person.

[Wildcat21]

Travis - don't ever feel bad about this... it's a learning experience... knowledge is king. You just didn't know - and thank god you're a good guy. Just keep learning about women... be caucious.

[talaniman]

There is nothing we like more than when someone gets helped by the advice we give, Thank you Travis. Stick around, you could be a big help to someone else.

[Grayfox]

Wow that is fairly surprising information about nice guys vs jerks, but it seems to contradict a lot of the behaviors that are promoted on this website. Im a bit confused.

[YeloDasy]

I think behaviors vs. intentions may be the key..?

[talaniman]

Wow that is fairly surprising information about nice guys vs jerks, but it seems to contradict alot of the behaviors that are promoted on this website. Im a bit confused.

Explain please.