I work at a seasonal resort. Last year this woman I worked with would be really nice to me and ask me all kinds of questions about her boyfriend and the situations they were in. After a month or so she would then become a complete nutcase and start arguments with me and then we wouldn’t talk for weeks on end. I never thought anything of it, just that she was moody.
When I returned this year this same woman I work with told me that she had talked about me all winter to her family and was interested in me, and had been for part of last year. She wanted to take it slow and I agreed. Things were going along, well and about a month into our courtship some people we work with were calling her some really harsh things behind her back and I defended "Nicole." I ended the conversation by saying that if they had a problem with her maybe they should have me talk to her because I can relate to her.
The next morning, I told her about what happened and she went off on me. For about 10 minutes she yelled that she didn't need me to fight her battles and that she could take care of herself. Obviously, I was in shock because I had just defended her the day prior and she didn't give a damn.
After that we quit talking to each other but I found out through her friend that she was deeply depressed over what happened. She would even come in when I was working and just stare at me and on send me an funny email every now and then. Her friend told me this several times for a the two weeks or so. I told her friend all she had to do was apologize but she never did. Then I found out she said she was still with her old boyfriend, which lead me to believe that she blew me off to go back to him.
The strange thing was she would still stare at me when she came in, try and start unusual conversations, or send me funny emails in a effort to try and reach out to me. Being that I wasn't about to cave in for standing up for I just ignored her.
Well about two weeks after this went by a new woman started working for our company and we have been hanging out since. This new woman is just a friend but apparently, "Nicole" believes that we are having sex and started telling her friends that. Nicole even pulled the new girl into an office, closed the door and point blank asked my new friend, "Are you *****ing him" When my friend denied what wasn't happening anyway "Nicole" just kept questioning why we were always hanging out, and so of course we must be hooking up. This went on for about 5 minutes. Well, of course this has created a lot of rumors and waves at work.
I emailed "Nicole" because I didn't want to start an verbal argument and told basically, that I didn't appreciate her the fact that she blew me off after I went to bat for her. I told her that if she had a problem she should take it up with me and not out on anybody else.
While that email got us on talking terms again and eventually flirting and finally, an unspoken interest that neither one of us would acknowledge or make a move on. Finally one morning, I sat her down for about 30 minutes and told her point blank that I knew she had feelings for me and I knew that I was unlike any other guy she ever met. I told her that the most guys just like her for her looks so she can get whatever she wants with them and then get rid of them without remorse because she grows tired of them. When that happens they come begging back and I have never done that. I, on the other hand have never wanted her for body or looks but for her personality and that scares her because she doesn’t know how to handle it. She became very quiet when I said that. I pointed out to her that every time I’ve gotten close to her and I’ve crossed her comfort zone she pushed me away. But unlike every other guy she’s ever done that too, I always stayed on her mind. Emotionally I never left. She just smiled and looked away. I knew I was right then. I went over ever situation between us and then said to her at the end, “You can run from me, but how long can your run from yourself.” Her mouth literally dropped open and I just walked away. During the whole conversation she sat in complete silence (which if you know this girl is pretty hard for her to pull off) so I knew I was onto something.
About a week ago our mutual friend point blank asked her what was going on between us and she admitted that she felt like she really liked me a lot and really wanted to be with me. The following day she asked me out and said that she was going to open up with me. She stood me up for the date. Two days later she starts a conversation with me by asking what really happened with this other girl. After I told her that nothing happened she then told me that she didn't want to get into another relationship and that nothing was ever going to happen between us.
So again I got pushed away and again I find out she’s gone back to her ex-boyfriend. A woman we work with point blank told her, “You are a fool.” for turning me away. Two woman who are her friends insist that we are going to wind up together someday because she really likes me but she’s hiding it and she‘s afraid. At this point I couldn't care less, I’ve given her enough chances, and I have verbalized that point.
I have now quit talking to her and now again I have caught her staring at me. The other day she sent me an forwarded email about friendship and then she told her roommate that I was mad at her because she stood me up. Nicole neglected to tell her roommate that SHE told me nothing was ever going to happen between us. I’m not even sure why because that would have made herself sound better than to admit she stood me up.
I'm sorry for making this so long but my questions are,
1. What is going on here?
2. Why does she keep giving me mixed signals?
3. Why does she tell her friends one thing and then treat me differently?
4. Should I talk to this girl at work? Should I at least be on friendly terms or should I just continue to ignore her?
5. And to me perhaps the most important question, how can I maintain control over this situation.
