[talaniman]

Not only can I empathize with your pain, but the cynicism too, because of the big hole in your soul.

No matter how many loves you have, or how hard you work, and how many obstacles you get through, there is always a hurricane Katrina, that rips through your life, and blows everything you worked for, and counted on away.

Dust yourself off, and rebuild. It takes time, but you know that. You got something better to do?

Just so you know, the glass is half full.

[roxypox]

ImTotallyLost, i definitely agree with you. I know she left for selfish reasons and that is what makes it so difficult. I had basically become her caretaker and sentinel towards the end of it all so the relationship had become stale for her while i was just waiting for her to get over her problems so we could pick up again. I sense that you read my first post so I can say that she left me with the intention of being with someone else so i am really hurt by that. In fact it had been confirmed by me yesterday so that was why i posted this time. I never thought that she belonged to me or that i belonged to her. I thought that she would see the truth in my actions in that i was foregoing immediate gratification with someone else by trying to work through where i was with her so we could eventually be happy in the future. I plugged away and she noticed and mentioned that she saw what i was doing and that it proved to her that i really was there for her. But she still up and left. I guess sometimes fast food is better than lovingly prepared fine dining.

The really sad thing about being in a relationship where one of the people involved is messed up, or have some serious issues or problems is that even if that person gets over the problems... its still leaves some serious marks in the relationship. That is my experience at least. And sometimes its hard to get over the imprint the problems have made.

Like with you waiting for her to get over her problems... while you wait and even while you're there... stuff happens, with you, with her and between the two of you. And even though she left for selfish reasons, maybe in one way it was for the best. i.e. in the long run, for you.

Like Talaniman said; you are still hurting from this relationship, and it seems like you are in quite a lot of pain. You've def. come to the right place to talk about it though ;)

I have to admit that I'm a big fan of talking about your problems, to realize what they are, how deep they run and how to take those tiny baby steps to get over it.

[itried]

Yeah, I am quite hurt by this and it does feel like I have a hole in my soul. I did work for a lot during that time and also counted on even more. I guess I should work for and count on myself for the time being. I understand that time heals everything and life goes on. The world does seem a bit more interesting after being alone for a little while and I am glad that I'll get some time to get to know myself again. There is a silver lining to all that has happened and I definitely will take advantage of it. This surely is the place to let off some steam and get the opinions and input of people other than those trying to protect my feelings by telling me what they think I want to hear. I would prefer the cold hard truth about where I went wrong rather than being told I did everything right as that would get me no where in the long run. I have always had the need to understand my life so I usually dwell on things. Because of this I am a big fan of constructive criticism.

[itried]

Threads merged

I have recently come out of a long term relationship with a woman who was molested by family members when she was young. I found out very early in the relationship and decided that all the inevitable trouble would be worth going through, and I knew that I would have to take a different approach. It obviously was not. Anyone else been down the same road? How did it go?

[ylaira]

What kind of inevitable troubles? Im not the guy but I share the same expereince with your ex.

[itried]

First off, I want to say that I am sorry for what you have gone through and my heart goes out to you. Before she revealed this to me I had a suspicion that something was there but I couldn't put my finger on it. After I was told, certain things then made sense. She had a lot of anger issues and became quite irritable at times over trivial issues. She also had some intimacy problems, which I thought was quite obvious given what had happened to her. I am quite positive that she had trust issues as well because she admitted that she never really trusted me. I understood all of this so I tried very hard to be patient and deal with all this. There were many, many more issues, but from these a lot of other ones sprouted. After she told me I would look up as much information as I could in relation to this and it was apparent that a lot of the symptoms which were described were displayed by her. I could go on and on, but I guess every person is different and will react differently to this. Also, I am aware that problems arose due to how I handled all of this as well. It's tough.