[talaniman]

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma
I'm going to have to disagree with the people that said he should have PUT THEM AWAY, He should have THROWN THEM AWAY if they are from before. I know I wouldn't want naked pictures of someone that my boyfriend used to sleep with in my house.

Just to play devils advicate, but unless we are married, no way do I get rid of any old momentos. Are you crazy???? How would I feel if I got rid of old keepsakes and then you dumped me?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I've never been married, but I have been in three long term relationships where I thought marriage was inevitable, and that was the same to me. If they were keeping naked pictures of exes they were being dishonest and secretive. I don't find those admirable traits in a significant other, and would assume ulterior motives in keeping these "momentos" or "keepsakes". What is the desire to remember what an ex looks like naked? Who cares? You are with the one you are with for a reason, and not with the ex for a reason. Why would you want those things?

[talaniman]

Because they are mine.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

And just because you aren't married to the person that you are involved with, you think they would be okay with you having those things?

[talaniman]

If they were keeping naked pictures of exes they were being dishonest and secretive.

Not necessarily. Marry me and not just think you will, and you have a say what's in my drawer. What your asking is only for my wife to say anything about, not some date of a few months, ( a year, Naw, not even)

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I'm talking about long-term serious relationships. If you see a future with someone why would it matter whether you are married or not, you should take this person's feelings into consideration.

[talaniman]

And just because you aren't married to the person that you are involved with, you think they would be okay with you having those things?

Its perfectly okay, and its okay to have your mementos too! Till I marry you, it wouldn't be my business, what you have in your underwear drawer, because I wouldn't be looking through them.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I think that at this point we should just agree to disagree...

I think that a long-term serious relationship and being married can be virtually the same thing just without the paper. I agree that a relationship of a few months shouldn't necessarily affect these things. But me, for instance, I've been in a relationship for almost two years now, and we live together and plan to get engaged in a few months. If my boyfriend had pictures of his ex naked all hell would break loose. Vice Versa.

[sokay]

I'm talking about long-term serious relationships. If you see a future with someone why would it matter whether you are married or not, you should take this person's feelings into consideration.

Agreed. If you've still got one foot somewhere else, and if you are inconsiderate of their feelings, they should take and invest their time elsewhere.

[sokay]

Till I marry you, it wouldn't be my business, what you have in your underwear drawer, because I wouldn't be looking thru them.

Mmhmm.. Suuure, Tal... :)

[kp2171]

My partner of ten years has a vibrator in her top drawer that she doesn't know I know about.

Now... should I presume she's thinking of me when she gets off with it when I am no less than 20 feet away?

Likewise... she has two books of erotica. Am I to assume she thinks of me when she reads it?

Yes... the gf's of the past are a touchy subject.

So he had pics of an ex that were explicit.

Mkay... well... he's an idiot for not getting rid of them or for not hiding them better.

If this is all that it takes to tear apart the relationship, it wasn't that strong to begin with.

My pictures and notes from my ex's are solidly, securely kept away. I have taken sensual pics of my ex's as I have of my bethrothed.

If you want to damn me for my history and my life, OK.

The boyfriend in this case is an idiot for keeping these things all but in the open. He's a moron.

But honestly, if this is all there is to put against him... can we call him a moron who might be a decent guy and let him off the hook a little??

If I threw out every scrap of every relationship id been in before my wife, id have no history.

Sure... explicit pics are a different level... but really... do you believe your lover has erased all memories of all men that came before you and after you?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Erotic books and vibrators are different. You never had a relationship with them. There's not a past. I don't mind my boyfriend looking at porn, unless it was of his ex... it's just a different story.

Plus she's fat and ugly... she probably would have broken the camera anyway :P

[sokay]

my partner of ten years has a vibrator in her top drawer that she doesnt know i know about.

now... should i presume shes thinking of me when she gets off with it when i am no less than 20 feet away?

likewise... she has two books of erotica. am i to assume she thinks of me when she reads it?

yes... the gf's of the past are a touchy subject.

so he had pics of an ex that were explicit.

mkay... well... hes an idiot for not getting rid of them or for not hiding them better.

if this is all that it takes to tear apart the relationship, it wasnt that strong to begin with.

But... You're comparing apples to... carburetors! A vibrator or a book your S/O uses to get herself off is an inanimate object. It's not a naked photograph of her ex. It's not the same.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I think me and Sokay are on the same page here...

[ISneezeFunny]

Before I jump into this jungle here... I'd like to say that I'm a 22 year old guy. With that said, I agree with kp in that I haven't thrown everything that my exes have given me. I've kept notes, cards, pictures (not explicit ones) in a box and have kept it somewhere in the closet. This doesn't mean I go in there and look at them and think about them, but it's more memorabilia than anything.

I also currently have some pictures on my computer from my exes (welcome to the digi-world) that are explicit. Do I look at these? No. However, I haven't deleted them... again, as sick as it sounds, it's more memorabilia than anything.

I'm more worried that your boyfriend didn't keep it locked up somewhere (not to hide, but to just stash away) and that he had it out in the open, than if he had just kept it. I'm a packrat, I keep EVERYTHING. I still have movie stubs from when I was in the 3rd grade.

So, with that said, now that you've found it, I suggest you two sit down and talk. If he denies looking at these, then ask him to get rid of it. If he admits looking at them from time to time, then there's a real issue.

[simoneaugie]

Whether KP is comparing apples to carburators is not the real point. The point he made was, what is my significant other thinking about when she uses or looks at these items?

People go through life following rules of "safe" conduct. "You might get hurt!" Life is about pain, and risk-taking, and decision making. The boyfriend loves the OP. He may change his habits to what works for her. That is for them to discuss, not for us to be afraid of.

[sokay]

Chihuahua: "I think me and Sokay are on the same page here..."

Very much so. It's offensive. He should have tossed those.

Especially he shouldn't be accepting any contact with the ex at all if he's involved in a serious relationship with someone new, and he definitely shouldn't be accepting, nor keeping naked photos of her. There shouldn't be any need to hang on to pictures of that nature, especially given the OP's claim that the ex is trying to get him back! It is offensive to her, and rightly so.

Bottom line, no matter which way you slice this, my advice to the OP is: Walk away, and don't look back. He's not worth your time or energy.

[sokay]

Whether or not KP is comparing apples to carburators is not the real point. The point he made was, what is my significant other thinking about when she uses or looks at these items?

Well actually, that is the point. He was making comparisons with situations and *types* of objects, that were not the same, and did not have the same connotations. So yes, the fact that he was comparing apples to carburetors is exactly the point.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I agree... these things are disrespectful.

[talaniman]

I think this may be one of those defining moments in a rather young relationship. I think after she calms down, they will talk it out. She was just caught up in the emotion of the moment.