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Ash123 · Sep 3, 2007, 09:23 AM

She may be being practical. So, it's not like it's gone. Just in a place she's more comfortable with it. You cannot win by making her feel some way right now.

She may still care for you but sense her next stage of life may not include you...
I hate to say it, but honor her instincts and make one clear statement of your commitment - and back up.

Midnight16 · Sep 3, 2007, 05:36 PM

Well it's nice to "meet" you Ron, hopefully you're enjoying your vacation. But that's what happens when you don't take the time to see what you already have and then lose it to try to find something else, mostly it's something you don't want. But I personally believe in Karma, and Fate. So for me I think if your meant to be then your meant to be. But if not then Good luck with that. I'm sure you'll eventually find someone, or maybe she will come into her senses and realize what you guys have. To me, everyone has a soulmate or someone special out there, you just have to find them or hopefully they will find you.
Steph

Midnight16 · Sep 3, 2007, 05:39 PM

Oh yea, and thank you Talaniman.

Swordfish206 · Sep 4, 2007, 11:21 AM

Just to give you guys an update... Yesterday I went to my ex girlfriend house because I had to pick up a package her mom was sending to my aunt in Chicago. We have had no contact for about 2 weeks. When I walked in her whole family said hello to me and were glad to see me. She came out and gave me a hug and we sat down in the living room couch and just talked for an hour! Not about us, but just regular conversation about my vacation, and her classes, etc... we talked as if nothing was wrong and it felt great! This past Saturday her mom told her shen needed to call me to see when I was coming by for the package and she told her mom, "let ME call him", she insisted and finally did. She called me from her moms phone though, when I answered she kind of paused for a second and just said," uh, yeah we've been calling you to find out when you were gonna come by for the stuff.." I said MOnday around noon and that was that. Her mom later told me how she had insisted on calling me and that she missed me but just needed a little more time to let things settle and that she wants to be able to talk to me... so we hung out for an hour then I got up to leave and as I walked out she looked at me with a smile and said, "text me whenever"... I said "no, you!" lol... we went back and forth and then I said, "you text me or something, I'm giving you your space... she nodded in agreement and I left. I left feeling really good. At least I know she is missing me and WANTS to talk to me but just needs a bit more time. So we'll see what happens... what do you guys think? Is this a good sign or what?

thoughtiwastheman · Sep 4, 2007, 11:34 AM

The question I have for you is, why did you guys break-up or take a break? I saw my ex this weekend too and I could tell she missed me but guess what, I'm never going back even though I know that I have made all the improvements she would have wanted from me when we dated for 6 years. The reason why I will never return has to do more so with how she broke up with me than why she broke up with me. I mean, even the reason she gave me was all bull especially since now when I look back. So my answer to you is this. Use you hindsight my friend and question why you guys broke up. I know its hard to let someone go after having had history with them but you need to put your emotions aside and think critically. I plan to go to law school next year and this is a skill that I know I seriously have to learn. Usually the answer is right in front of you if you can think logically and eliminate the bull. In this case, your emotion. If after you have done this you still want her, then go for it but pace yourself. Don't give her too much of yourself and remember that she comes second to everything in your life. Make her want to be with you rather than justing being with you.

talaniman · Sep 4, 2007, 12:44 PM

Every one in the females family can love you to death, but it doesn't matter because, she is the one who must be convinnced that you are the one, not her mama. She has her family support all around, so of course, she is comfortable entertaining you. That's what friendzone is all about. But the question you need to answer for yourself, is she is she willing to working with you to solve your issues, and be able to move on, and make this so called relationship work? She has shown no inclination, other than to be nice around her family. Just my opinion, this is unnacceptable for any long term relationship. This is a red flag that tells me either you set the pace, or forget the nice games that go with being friends. You may be willing to wait on her confusion to clear, and she sees what she misses in you, but unless she is ready to take a chance with you, this is an exercise in futility, and you would be better served to pursue your own happiness.

Dave1986 · Sep 4, 2007, 01:00 PM

Swordfish, I hate to rub salt in your wound pal... but she isn't coming back, she just wants to keep friendship with you until she meets someone else then she will drop you. Women are v selfish an you will understand where I'm coming from in 3/4 months down the line. You must go into NC asap... for yourself, the more quick you do, the more quick you will heal.

Skell · Sep 4, 2007, 03:43 PM

I wouldn't get your hopes up over this. Please don't let her mum tell you how she is feeling and what she needs. Her mum may be looking through the same rose coloured glasses as you are.

Stop focusing on her and what she is doing and go back to living your life. As hard as it may be the best thing you can do right now is forget about her.

Maybe she does really miss you maybe she doesn't. It doesn't make a difference to the situation you find yourself in, and that is that at the end of the day you guys aren't together. A break means you have broken up. Pretty simple. Holding your breath waiting for her to make up her mind is not something I would advise. Sadly these situations usually end in heartbreak.

Leave her be now and don't make excuses to see her. Why couldn't they send that package to you? Why couldn't her mother drop it to your house? Sounds like some elaborate plan hatched by her mother and or you to see her. Please don't look for reasons to see her. It just makes it harder.

Focus on you and be with your friends and family.

s_cianci · Sep 4, 2007, 04:31 PM

It could be. Continue to play it cool and do what you've been doing. You won't lose anything and may end up coming out ahead.

Swordfish206 · Sep 4, 2007, 11:44 PM

I agree with you both! Although it WAS good to see her and talk again, it doesn't make me feel any better about our situation. Her mom doesn't even understand her. Mom tells me she's been sad, pensive, and just "not herself" lately. Says she misses me but wants to just be alone and focus on school right now. She's been the one to end all 3 of her serious relationships in the past 3-4 years. She is happy when everything is good but decides to just run and break up as soon as it gets rocky. She is going to have to be in a relationship where the guy leaves her so she can feel what its like on this side of the fence then she'll realize and look back. So for now I've made peace with it all. I've got time for myself, began working out, eating healthy, and I've decided to finally join the US Coast Guard like I originally planned 2 years ago. So I'm feeling better now thanks to all your comments and advice and I thank you! I'm really glad I found this site and was able to get some insight from people going through the same thing as me!!

Homegirl 50 · Sep 5, 2007, 04:45 AM

She is only 20. Who says she has to be in serious relationships and stay in them. Who says she has to be an a relationship at all. Her really serious relatioships don't need to start until after she is done with school.
She sounds like a young lady who does not want to be tied down. I see nothing wrong with that.

cerisa · Sep 5, 2007, 12:31 PM

Life is too short to have so much drama. Do you want blow- ups all the time over trivial matters? You will be walking on eggshells. She seems very immature. Let her do some growing up.

Skell · Sep 5, 2007, 04:05 PM

IF she has had 3 or 4 serious relationships in the 3 or 4 years and ended them all then I would be very wary of her. Doesn't sound like she is the stable type does it? May be some underlying commitment issues. Who knows.

In any even my advice still stands. Stop focusing on her, and especially stop listening and talking to her mother. They mean well but often they are way off base with the comments. They tell you what you want to hear and you gladly listen. At the end of the day the mother really doesn't a clue what her daughter is feeling inside so take what she says with a grain of salt.

Focus on you for the time being and forget about her as tough as that will be.

mckenzie134 · Sep 18, 2007, 10:23 PM

Wonder what happen to sword fish maybe he got her back or maybe he just got healthand moved on...

Swordfish206 · Sep 20, 2007, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Wonder what happen to sword fish maybe he got her back or maybe he just got healthand moved on...

Hey guys, I've been out of town on vacation. But to give you an update. Since we broke up she has contacted me a couple of times. First was on Sep 10th. She text me saying "hey how you doing" around 10 at night. I text her back about an hour later saying I was fine. We chit chatted for about 5 min and called it a night. The last contact from her was yesterday around 10am. She text me "hey whats up?" I said I I was just chillin. Then she told me, "i called you on Sat and you ignored my call twice", I said I had not received any calls and had been home all day. She said she had called me around midnight while she was driving home by herself from a birthday and just wanted to see how I was doing. I felt like saying, "how the hell do you think im doing!!!!!????" haha... Anyway, again text back and forth for a few minutes. Its just weird that she would text me saying that she had called me on Sat and I had ignored her call. I would have figured that would have pissed her off but instead she texts me 3 days later. It makes me mad because I hadn't heard from her in like 2 weeks and then pops up oput of nowhere! One side of me wants to just erase her from my heart and mind, while the other still holds on to a little bit of hope. Its getting a little bit easier but it still hurts once in a while. Especially when she magically appears from thin air to ask "how im doing" as if things were just fine and dandy!! What do you think..

Swordfish206 · Sep 20, 2007, 04:06 PM

Hey guys, I've been out of town on vacation. But to give you an update. Since we broke up she has contacted me a couple of times. First was on Sep 10th. She text me saying "hey how you doing" around 10 at night. I text her back about an hour later saying I was fine. We chit chatted for about 5 min and called it a night. The last contact from her was yesterday around 10am. She text me "hey whats up?" I said I I was just chillin. Then she told me, "i called you on Sat and you ignored my call twice", I said I had not received any calls and had been home all day. She said she had called me around midnight while she was driving home by herself from a birthday and just wanted to see how I was doing. I felt like saying, "how the hell do you think im doing!!!!!????" haha... Anyway, again text back and forth for a few minutes. Its just weird that she would text me saying that she had called me on Sat and I had ignored her call. I would have figured that would have pissed her off but instead she texts me 3 days later. It makes me mad because I hadn't heard from her in like 2 weeks and then pops up oput of nowhere! One side of me wants to just erase her from my heart and mind, while the other still holds on to a little bit of hope. Its getting a little bit easier but it still hurts once in a while. Especially when she magically appears from thin air to ask "how im doing" as if things were just fine and dandy!! What do you think..

Homegirl 50 · Sep 20, 2007, 04:49 PM

I think she is checking to see how you are. Nothing more than that.
She is over and done with you, now you need to get over and be done with her.

ilovcali · Sep 20, 2007, 04:53 PM

Yeah, I think you should ignore her completely. Until she flat out says something about trying again, the lines of communication should be even thinner. Don't even reply to her texts.

You're doing a good job. Don't let her texts or behaviour prevent you from getting better without her. Seriously, let her keep chasing if that is really what she is doing. SHE LEFT YOU. Let her do more work to show how much she really cares.

--Cali

Swordfish206 · Oct 19, 2007, 01:15 AM

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you an update on my "situation". Quick recap: My girlfriend and I broke up back in June, continued talking and eventually ended up back to normal if not better than before. But, that all came to an end after getting into an argument at a party which she took me to where she just basically forgot she had taken me and just sat around a bunch of people I did not know. Anyway, we "broke up" again but this time she was like, "i just dont want anymore guy drama", and "i just feel like being alone". Of course, I did all I could to salvage what was left to no avail. But she insisted we keep things as friends. As most of you know, its too difficult to go from being in love in a relationship and then try and JUST be friends, but I love her so much that I gave it a shot. She would text me every once in a while just to say hi and see how I was doing. I never contacted her, she would always text me. Sometimes we would text for a few minutes, sometimes for a couple hours just about anything. That went on for about a month 1/2 or so. Finally one morning while driving to work I text her saying, "just wanted to say i love you and miss you so much. Dont even care if you write/say it back, i just wanted to tell you." She wrote back saying "You know i'll always love you no matter what". For some reason that just lit a fire under me. I responded by saying that I know she will and so will I but I was at a crossroads where I didn't know whether to let her go or hold on to that little bit of hope and that I wish she could help me make sense of all this. She responded by saying that we should both just move on but she did not want to lose me as a friend...

This is where I just made a complete 180. I told her that she can't ride both sides of the fence like that. You can't just cross that friendship line and then decide to go back. At least not at this time. I sure many of you out there have had that one significant other tell you "let's just be friends" Doenst always work out right? Well in my case, I knew I couldn't do it because I'm still in love with her. So I told her that now that I knew what she wanted then I could do what I had to do. She said to move on so that's exactly what I intend to do. I told her that in order for me to move on I would have to cut her completely out of my life meaning NO CONTACT whatsoever!! Because there is no way I'm going to ever get over her if I'm sitting here trying to be her friend while still being in love with her. I asked her if she wanted to be friends to leave the door open for a possible opportunity to get back together in the future, or if that was just not even an option. All I needed to hear was a maybe or, we'll see what happens or, something along that line that let me know that the door was still open for something to possibly happen again. But instead her answer was to move on. So that's what I intend to do. She responded by saying that if she was as important to me as I said she was then it wouldn't be so easy to stop talking to her completely. So obviosly I struck a nerve somewhere for her to say that. I told her that this was NOT easy. Im letting the person I love the most go. That's not something you just brush off. It hurt me to have to do it but you know what, I'm just taking care of me just like she is taking care of her. She got mad and said we could have kept it cool but if that's what I wanted then fine, that she was not going to beg me for my friendship. She said " Have a great life, i wish you the best " and that was the last I heard from her. I told her one last thing. My decision wasn't made overnight, and it also wasn't permanent and that its not like I won't ever talk to her again, just till I feel like I've moved on or I'm with someone else. I told her that I'm sure we will meet again somewhere down the road after all we've been friends for 5 years and I'm not about to just forget her.

Here's the thing. I feel like I did the right thing because like I said I know I won't get over her by pretending to be friends, and she's made it clear that she wants to move on so that's what led me to my decision. It breaks my heart because I really don't know how we got here but I know its something I had to do because I just couldn't do it anymore. She would text me randomly sometimes and all that did was get me all excited and I would get my hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I would be doing fine after not hearing from her for about a week but then she would text me and I would get all sad thinking about how things USED to be. So I think by doing this I can finally get some closure and move on. Since then I've joined the gym, I bought myself a bike (Suzuki GSX-R 750 woo hoo!) and I got a couple new tattoos and just began going out with my friends a bit more and just having fun and I'm feeling great! I do still miss her once in a while but it gets a bit easier day by day, so to all you outnthere in the same situation just hang in there! Im not really that religious but I believe God will not give you more than you can handle so you'll be OK. Anyway, I'm open to any comments. Let me know what you think of my decision and if you've been in a similar one and what happened...

Swordfish206 · Oct 19, 2007, 03:43 AM

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you an update on my "situation". Quick recap: My girlfriend and I broke up back in June, continued talking and eventually ended up back to normal if not better than before. But, that all came to an end after getting into an argument at a party which she took me to where she just basically forgot she had taken me and just sat around a bunch of people I did not know. Anyway, we "broke up" again but this time she was like, "i just dont want anymore guy drama", and "i just feel like being alone". Of course, I did all I could to salvage what was left to no avail. But she insisted we keep things as friends. As most of you know, its too difficult to go from being in love in a relationship and then try and JUST be friends, but I love her so much that I gave it a shot. She would text me every once in a while just to say hi and see how I was doing. I never contacted her, she would always text me. Sometimes we would text for a few minutes, sometimes for a couple hours just about anything. That went on for about a month 1/2 or so. Finally one morning while driving to work I text her saying, "just wanted to say i love you and miss you so much. Dont even care if you write/say it back, i just wanted to tell you." She wrote back saying "You know i'll always love you no matter what". For some reason that just lit a fire under me. I responded by saying that I know she will and so will I but I was at a crossroads where I didn't know whether to let her go or hold on to that little bit of hope and that I wish she could help me make sense of all this. She responded by saying that we should both just move on but she did not want to lose me as a friend...

This is where I just made a complete 180. I told her that she can't ride both sides of the fence like that. You can't just cross that friendship line and then decide to go back. At least not at this time. I sure many of you out there have had that one significant other tell you "let's just be friends" Doenst always work out right? Well in my case, I knew I couldn't do it because I'm still in love with her. So I told her that now that I knew what she wanted then I could do what I had to do. She said to move on so that's exactly what I intend to do. I told her that in order for me to move on I would have to cut her completely out of my life meaning NO CONTACT whatsoever!! Because there is no way I'm going to ever get over her if I'm sitting here trying to be her friend while still being in love with her. I asked her if she wanted to be friends to leave the door open for a possible opportunity to get back together in the future, or if that was just not even an option. All I needed to hear was a maybe or, we'll see what happens or, something along that line that let me know that the door was still open for something to possibly happen again. But instead her answer was to move on. So that's what I intend to do. She responded by saying that if she was as important to me as I said she was then it wouldn't be so easy to stop talking to her completely. So obviosly I struck a nerve somewhere for her to say that. I told her that this was NOT easy. Im letting the person I love the most go. That's not something you just brush off. It hurt me to have to do it but you know what, I'm just taking care of me just like she is taking care of her. She got mad and said we could have kept it cool but if that's what I wanted then fine, that she was not going to beg me for my friendship. She said " Have a great life, i wish you the best " and that was the last I heard from her. I told her one last thing. My decision wasn't made overnight, and it also wasn't permanent and that its not like I won't ever talk to her again, just till I feel like I've moved on or I'm with someone else. I told her that I'm sure we will meet again somewhere down the road after all we've been friends for 5 years and I'm not about to just forget her. But I DO feel like I need this time of no contact in order to move on with my life.

Here's the thing. I feel like I did the right thing because like I said I know I won't get over her by pretending to be friends, and she's made it clear that she wants to move on so that's what led me to my decision. It breaks my heart because I really don't know how we got here but I know its something I had to do because I just couldn't do it anymore. She would text me randomly sometimes and all that did was get me all excited and I would get my hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I would be doing fine after not hearing from her for about a week but then she would text me and I would get all sad thinking about how things USED to be. So I think by doing this I can finally get some closure and move on. Since then I've joined the gym, I bought myself a bike (Suzuki GSX-R 750 woo hoo!) and I got a couple new tattoos and just began going out with my friends a bit more and just having fun and I'm feeling great! I do still miss her once in a while but it gets a bit easier day by day, so to all you outnthere in the same situation just hang in there! Im not really that religious but I believe God will not give you more than you can handle so you'll be OK. Anyway, I'm open to any comments. Let me know what you think of my decision and if you've been in a similar one and what happened...