[Cat1864]

Your threads have been merged to keep the entire story in one place.

You were honest about snooping. Be honest about the relationship being over. Spend the rest of your vacation enjoying the scenery. Go home and forget about her.

Two to three months is not very long especially when one party moves away. Take this as a learning experience and let it go.

Good luck finding the person who is right for you. This woman isn't it. You will find the person who is if you give yourself a chance.

[talaniman]

She didn't cheat on you. You had no relationship, and you had no business snooping on her. Go home and leave this alone like you should have done from the start if you cannot figure out how to enjoy yourself without her. You only have yourself to blame for not seeing this coming. It was obvious from your previous post.

[smoothy]

Of course I willl do that.but if I tell her now it is over.I don t want to see you.what shall I do another 3 days in london?:)

I agree with Homegirl50. Londons a big place... take in the sights, take a tour, 3 days will be over before you get through even a small part of what there is to see.

You could spend 2 weeks there with daily organised tours and still not see most of the important stuff. Speaking as someone Who's spent a week there myself... and took organized tours to something different every day, all day.

[damnineedhelp]

Met a girl.been together for 2 weeks until she moved to London.I went to visit her after I month.I aerived yesterday and stay until Monday.I have a rom booked at a hotel where we stay together.looked through her phone.1) she was more than flirying, it was almost phone sex with a guy.2) told her friends that on satueday when she works she needs to get rid of me to meet that guy during her lunch break.what shall I do? I told her I read thr messagws.she didn't even say sorry.but if I am to have a fight with her now I will be alone in london for 2 more days.how can I make her feel awful? Of course, without viokence.shall I be aggressive and tell her bad words or some othwr way?

[smoothy]

Instead of asking the same question over and over. (they just merged yet another one to this thread you made)... read the answers you were given... they aren't going to change...

[Cat1864]

Please keep all information and questions on this relationship in this thread.

Changing the timing of how long you have known her will change the advice given. Let her go and enjoy your vacation.

Met a girl.been together for 2 weeks until she moved to London.I went to visit her after I month.I aerived yesterday and stay until Monday.I have a rom booked at a hotel where we stay together.looked through her phone.1) she was more than flirying, it was almost phone sex with a guy.2) told her friends that on satueday when she works she needs to get rid of me to meet that guy during her lunch break.what shall I do? I told her I read thr messagws.she didn't even say sorry.but if I am to have a fight with her now I will be alone in london for 2 more days.how can I make her feel awful? Of course, without viokence.shall I be aggressive and tell her bad words or some othwr way?

[DoulaLC]

Why do you need to make her feel awful? You hardly knew her, were not even sure if things would work out long distance, and tried to talk her out of making a move to London that she wanted to do. I think you were more involved in thinking you had a relationship going than she did. She was ready to move on and follow her plans.

You even admitted that you didn't trust her, which is only an issue when you are actually in a relationship with someone, so you snooped in her phone. You found out that she isn't interested in a relationship with you, like you had hoped, and while that hurts, you need to handle it maturely.

Now you wonder if you should try and start a fight with her? Asking if you should be aggressive and use bad words at her? And want to make her feel awful? How old are you? If that's how you would handle being upset, and not getting what you want, then you are not ready to be in a serious relationship with anyone. That is not how you treat someone, especially if you claim to care about them.

London is a fantastic city to wander around in. Tell her you realise that things are not going to work out between the two of you, apologize for snooping in her phone, and don't contact her again. See some of London then go home and think about how you might have handled the whole situation differently before you consider meeting someone else.

[damnineedhelp]

Hey guys!
I met a girl 2 months ago last month she moved to London,as she was planning to. Found a bad job and she still applies everywhere.She isn't decided if she wants to stay there forever or just to make enough money to move back here to start her own business, as she dreams of. We talked a lot that when she comes back we will start a business. We decided to give it a shot for a couple of months to see how it works.
I visited her last week.Today she told me that she thought about it and she can't see me more than a friend.She told me that she felt great doing couple things and that she wasn't thinking of anyone else.She said she is stressed enough about what to do there, the applications and everything else and that because the fact that we text a lot, I am more of a bourdain for her,that because she has to focus on me she can't focus on other things and she is stressed. Also she told me that she doesn't feel/see that spark.But during my stay she said that she really really had a great time,as we did a lot of funny things.
To be honest, I found a real friend. But she said that she wouldn t mind if she saw me with someone else.She wants me to be happy,as I am way better then her.She would be very happy if i found someone else. I couldn't be her friend and hear her talking about her boyfriend.I don't love her yet, but she is smart.knows what she wants from her life and so on.I don't want to loose her.Not yet.
What shall I do? I Know that every relation is specal,but I believe in patterns. So how would that go?Is there any chance that after she finds out what she wants from her life, to see me in a different way?is there a chance she will ever see me more than a friend? shall I text her less?Or back up and go on with my life? I told her that I won t bother her so often,I will let her text me when she can?

[damnineedhelp]

Unfortunately yesterday I ordered a 30 rose flower bouquet to be brought tomorrow where she lives.Shall I cancel the order?would it be allright if she received it? We didn't have this conversation when I ordered it

[Cat1864]

Your threads have been merged again to keep all information and advice in one place.

Please keep all information and questions about this relationship in this thread.

[smoothy]

Read the other answers... apparently you have ignored all of them since we are on FOUR pages of them so far. SHe wants you to move on, and doesn't want you as a boyfriend... its always been clear no matter how you try to reword things or change them.

And quite honestly its making you look like a stalker...

[damnineedhelp]

then why would she let me pay for everything?shouldn't that mean something?

[smoothy]

She's been going out of her way to be nice about it hoping you will get the message. Its really clear to me she doesn't want you as a boyfriend... but she doesn't have a problem with you as just a regular friend. That can easily change to where she doesn't want you even as a friend if you don't stop pushing it.


Women don't appreciate being pressured into things. And thats true around the world. Adn yes I am somewhat familiar with Romanian culture....I've got about 20 friends that moved here from romania I've known for over 10 years.

[talaniman]

Because a female lets you pay for stuff doesn't mean she has romance as a goal and everything you have done is because you think you have a chance for romance even though you have been told you don't. Now back up cancel the flowers and either enjoy your stay in London, or go home early.

Don't know how to make it clearer that you are wasting your time and money chasing this woman. Have been since she left home. Just can't quit can you?

[DoulaLC]

You are a friend, nothing more. She has already told you that she isn't interested in you in a romantic way. You need to accept that and stop wondering if you can convince her otherwise. If she knew that you had contemplated making her feel awful, being aggressive with her and using bad words, and that you don't trust her, she wouldn't want anything to do with you.

As smoothly said, she is being nice about it. Stop trying to read more into what she has said... THAT is a pattern that you seem to follow. If you can't be a decent friend then leave her alone. It will only be worse for you if you continue hoping for something that isn't there.

[Wondergirl]

From early childhood, females are taught to be nice, even though they want to do just the opposite. Unfortunately, this young woman is being too nice toward you and trying to let you down easy. Too often this doesn't work, and the guy continues to hang on even when there is no hope. When will we women learn to "disengage" with a clean and permanent break?

Please cancel the roses.

[damnineedhelp]

Can't cancel them anymore.and I am back now. The problem is,if you say she acts nice, wouldn't a decent woman not accept the guy to pay? I wouldn't let anyone pay for me, especially if iknow he made some sacrifices.now I wonder?did she really mean that or was she just nervous because I was texting her a lot? Next month she wants to come home for a few days and I told her that I will pay her ticket and she can give me the money later.After she told me that she can see me only as a friend,I askedher: really?didn't look like it several days ago.I just told her: fine,in August and September I will be away, let's just try to stay like this, text less.Then she said allright. After I only sent her a message saying that I will stll help her with the ticket.She said thank you a lot. Would she do that if she is certain that she does not like me?Just to use me?

[talaniman]

You will never learn will you. You offer she takes, just friends. Foolish for love? Or just plain foolish?

[smoothy]

Stop grasping at straws...

Women accept things the guy pays for all the time... decent ones and not so decent ones. It doesn't mean they even like you are want a life with you...

She was brutally clear that she doesn't want a relationship with you... its clear to everyone else... I'm guessing you haven't dated many women before or it would be clear to you as well.

She all but said "F**K off and get lost!" she only had the misfortune of thinking of a nice way to say it, and that you would still get the message....but apparently not.


Maybe its going to take the police dragging you to the police station to have a long talk with them about this... all she's got to do is call them and say you are stalking her... and its going to get really bad for you really fast.

We are trying to save you from a lot of heartache and even worse...possible legal problems.

[talaniman]

We call what you are doing running head first into a brick wall and not having a clue why you have a headache.