[talaniman]

The only problem with loving someone comes when they don't feel the same. I would imagine that with all he had going on your companionship was needed by him, but when the dust settled, he realized that being free was what he really wanted.

It happens all the time, and hurts like hell when we are faced with the reality that the love we have is not returned.

This doesn't have to be a bad thing, painful YES, without a doubt, but now you can heal, and look forward.

[Homegirl 50]

You got back together without clearing up the reason for the first time he left.
He likes you but does not love you and does not want to be in a committed relationship.

It was probably nice being with you again after being apart but has now realised his feelings have not changed and neither has yours.
I hope you know not to "go there" with him again.
NC and don't let him back in.

[gingerbill]

I know, deep down, that what you and Tal say is true so why do I feel so devastated, lost and alone.

I never stopped loving this guy. Not for one moment.

You are totally right HomeGirl, we should have talked about this stuff before we got back together properly but I was scared, in case it pushed him away.

You have no idea, how long it took me to even begin to heal after the last time and now I am, here again.

It seems so cruel, to take me back, when he clearly wasn't sure, just to smash me to pieces a second time.

I texted him earlier: "I can't believe how much pain you've caused me. You've been on the receiving end of a broken heart yourself yet you've chosen to break mine not once, but twice. Are you punishing me for loving you or do you dislike me. If you're pushing me away as you're scared of getting hurt again that's crazy, as I never would have done so". His answer, "I did not want to hurt you and I know you would never hurt me - its just the way I feel. I understand it is selfish, but I had to put my feelings 1st and I was not happy (may never be)"

Tell me what to do please... in fact, I know... let him go... so just tell me how to do deal with this hurt.

I feel my heart is in a million pieces.

[talaniman]

First read the stickies, and then this site as grief is but a step in the healing process, and does take time.

7 STAGES OF GRIEF

[Homegirl 50]

Maybe he thought you were over the "love" stuff. When he saw you were not, he booked again.
You set yourself up for this though because you were afraid to ask the important questions before you took him back. I think maybe you knew it was the same old thing, you just wanted him back.

You start from scratch again, that is all you can do.

[Shadowburn]

Ok, OK... please no pathetic texts like "you've broken my heart yet again" anymore. He doesn't deserve any of that, and later on when you'll get some perspective, you'll be embarrassed about it, so pull yourself back together.

Yes, he is a jerk. He knew how you felt about him, and yet he started it all over again... just because he could. Yes, cold, heartless and cruel. But you enabled him by taking him back, knowing how he behaved the first time around. You gave him a second chance, and he blew it.

And so what? Why would you want a man who doesn't want you? Why to pour your heart out to someone who doesn't care? And if he didn't want a loving a caring woman like yourself, than he is a fool.

So, it's time to think about YOU and you only. Go FULL and total NC on him, I mean it, block him of FB and anywhere you can. Don't let him back in, because bad pattern has been established already and you don't want to be a fallback girl for him when he feels lonely and horny. Screw it, you deserve better.

And from now on, learn one simple thing - you don't need a man to close a door. When things are going downhill like there were the first time around with him, just slam the goddamn door shut yourself. Respect yourself enough t do just that, instead of hanging on and holding out a hope... to have your heart broken all over again.

Good luck.

[gingerbill]

I hear what you are all saying.

If I'm honest with myself, from the moment we got back together again, I've been scared and edgy just waiting for the axe to fall again I suppose.

In some ways, I wish I had had the strength to just walk away when we bumped into each other again but to coin a cliché, it was "like a moth to a flame". I couldn't resist him and now I'm paying the price (again) for my weakness.

I know I need to try and move on and avoid ALL contact. I still have such strong memories how had hard getting over him last time proved to be that I'm not sure how to handle all that again. I'm afraid I'm once again in self-destruct mode. Crazy and selfish I know. I REALLY hoped he had changed and that we could start to build a tentative future together.

I hope its OK to continue to come here and left off steam, and seek advice, you've no idea how much this helps

[talaniman]

Of course its okay Ginger, anytime you have a question, rant, or just need support through the confusion, this is the place to come.

I think you are starting to see for yourself that its more about YOU, and how you handle YOURSELF, than it is about him. Just love yourself, and be good to you, and you will see that others will love you for that.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rules- When you get dumped, don't go back to get dumped again

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life, and let them get theirs.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it’s so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Talaniman Rule- Never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

Talaniman Rule-Never wallow in your own sh1t!

[Homegirl 50]

You got through it once, you can do it again. You have more knowledge and a thicker skin. Your pride has been bruised because you know you should have stayed away.
You don't feel stronger but you are.
You will get over this. Don't wallow in it, come up off it and move on. There is no happiness there, no good thing there.
You cannot move forward there.