[Meow420]

I have a friend who works in this industry and she is not a drug addict or a 'slut'... she just likes the job. If you saw her on the street you wouldn't think "prostitute" It is her job and the 'attitude' that goes with it stays at work.

That's exactly how I would describe myself! Im not alone!

[Meow420]

I have followed this thread and others you have posted and have made replies.
I think you are conflicted and I hope you find your way. The counseling will be a great benefit to you as talk therapy helps us to get a different perspective of things.

I thought the name looked familiar! Im looking forward to the session.. I just wish it wasn't a week away... but that's the soonest I could get an appointment. Better late than never!

[Nestorian]

The counselor can take serveral different approches, and none of us here can ever tell you nor even really give you a glimps into what the counselor may say. The variables are too far and vague to determine much of any thing, you'd have to spill your story out to us and even then, difference in culture, opinion, interpretation, expression, understanding, personal values/morals, and your willingness to share/work with us or the counselor are all very important and can lead too much confusion.

If you want to know what a counselor may say, then you'd have to ask the specific counselor, other wise we are just feeding you a load of BS. We don't know you, the counselor or your countries daily workings so we are the wrong people to ask what a counselor may say, but we can still give our opinions.

Meow420, you sound very smart, and you seem to be wise with your money; but, you sense that you are missing something, don't you? You seem like you are afraid of something, but I can't tell what, and by the sounds of things you yourself aren't sure of it either. You feel abnormal, otherwise why the counselor? You have an ideal to follow in the way of what life should look like, and you are living in a world of obsurities and don't know who, or what you really are? Deffining yourself takes a lot of effort and even then you aren't sure if that's who you are when you say it is, or if it's a lie you tell people to make it seem OK, better, and less painful?

Does any of that hit anything? Sorry, I'm probing, counselors do this too, but I'm being more blunt and straight up, to find an answer to your question.

Important Information: When we are expereincing pleasure, it is hard to experience displeasure; thus we learn to associate some, socially veiwed as, bad behaviours (Behaviours, being feelings, actions from you or others, thoughts) as good. This is because when we experience something we like dopamine is released in our brain, lowering our threshold for pleasure, making even the things we normally precieve as negative, as a pleasing stimulation. Then we can even become addicted to that kind of behaviour craving the stimulation of our pleasure centers.
I'm not sure why you would be a sex addict, other than that it's pleasing and you simply kept doing it so much so that you now depend upon it like people who "need" their coffee/sugar fix, or if it's really bad like a Cocaine/LOVE(yes I mean love)/Mania addict, or even a addrenaline junky. But with out knowing more about who you are, where you came from, how you were raised, what your morals/values and beliefs are; there really isn't much more I can explain.

I am curious if you've ever been abused before? Or what your past relationships have been like, or your previous sexual expereinces?

One more thing, what did you think of yourself when you were younger, and what do you think of yourself now? Pysically, intelectaully, socially, personally, and so on. I see you find that being there for those men is serving the purpose of helping them, but I'm afraid that it is probably more the opposite, as they are holding onto a relationship that is baised on money and not personal interaction on an intimate and non-buisness like level. It sets unrealistic ideals, and then they may either keep treating people as they do, or cheat on their lovers, or simply become too dependent upon you to supply them with "pleasure"/joy in life and thus they are addicted to you. What happens when you leave, or if you decide you don't want to be there any more? More importantly, what kind of purpose are you really serving? Any one can give some one money, but to teach them to make it on their own, that is not easy and is the only way to "help" some one. If they can't make it on their own, then they won't make it at all. IF you are a councelor what kind of councel do you give? Is it sound, or is it foolish? Can those people really benafit from it? Are you really providing comfort, and possibly lies to these people so they can feel good about themselves while they avoid the cold hard truth? Or do you tell them to pull up their socks, and believe in themselves, they can go tell their significant other that they are through, then tell them they need to stop seeing you so they can find themselves??

I will have to do some reading in my books after you answer that, should you decide you still want to discover the possibilites.

Truth be told, you are no better or worse than any one else. You are a wonderful person, smart with your money, know how to take care of yourself; but, you are confused, as most of us are, and don't know what you really want, who you really are, and if you are at all worthy.

Does that sound about right?

May peace and kindness be with you.

[Nestorian]

P.S. Meow420, you tell us one thing, but it doesn't add up with your questions?

"because the rest of the world thinks im doing something wrong... im happy with my life.. i do some bizarre and somewhat crazy things but im happy. I do hide my work from 99% of people in my life tho."- You

You are worried about what the rest of the world thinks, but you can't help that, you can only focus on what you think, if you think you are happy then be content with that, because you can't not make some one else happy, they have to choose that for themselves.

As for the 99% of people that don't know what you do, you may need to come clean and face the fact that they may not like it one bit, and clear your concience, or accept that you are lying to them and that lying is OK. Is lying in conflict with one of your morals?

"So when ppl start saying things to me, it makes me question how i live my life. Am i immoral? Am i a bad person? Am i acting in a negative way? It doesnt feel like that, but maybe im sooo consumed with sex and things, that im just not seeing the reality of it all... make sense?"-You

Self confidence? We all question how we live our life, if we don't then we are immoral. (or so I understand it to be so.) Are you a bad person? I don't think you are bad, maybe confused, but not bad. Personally, I do think there are many negative and advers affects that you nor most people even consider when thinking about such situations. Giving some one gratification is one thing but allowing them to constantly evade the reality of their lives, very dangerous.

And again the damage done to you, if there is any. How you feel, but what you know to be "right" or "wrong" maybe in conflict, thus your indicisive behaviour. (your thoughts of what you should or shouldn't do.) In my opinion, no one truly knows the difference between right or wrong, because they are too general, and to each their own. What is right for one may not be right for another, so open your mind and be mindful of the possibilites that lay before you. "There is no right, wrong, good, nor bad;there are only possiblities."-Nestorian
At least you are aware that the possibility of your confution is there.

Take care.

[Wondergirl]

If a therapist said to you,I think this is emotionally unhealthy,you should get out of the sex business

Any therapist worth his or her salt would never said something like that. The therapist asks leading questions to get the client to think about all the emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, educational, and mental ramifications, and then allows the client to come to his or her own conclusion(s). In other words, if a therapist tells the client what to do, the client should run away screaming into the night.

(P.S. I'm a counselor/therapist.)

[Wondergirl]

As for the 99% of people that don't know what you do

Why do they have to know what she does? Even so, it's legal in her country.

[artlady]

Any therapist worth his or her salt would never said something like that. The therapist asks leading questions to get the client to think about all the emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, educational, and mental ramifications, and then allows the client to come to his or her own conclusion(s). In other words, if a therapist tells the client what to do, the client should run away screaming into the night.

(P.S. I'm a counselor/therapist.)

I am aware that counselors guide and do not give advice in that manner,having been to counseling before ,I was merely using that as an example to make a point.Would she be willing to change her lifestyle if someone pointed out that it was emotionally unhealthy.

[Nestorian]

Why do they have to know what she does? Even so, it's legal in her country.

Why indeed? As I said, "... You may need to come clean and face the fact that they may not like it one bit, and clear your concience, or accept that you are lying to them and that lying is ok. Is lying in conflict with one of your morals?"

I agree, what she does with her life is her business, but would she be cool if they lied to her? The door swings both ways, and if you can't handle others treating you the way you treat them, then you are inconflict with your values/morals. I'ts on her to decide what is right or wrong, not you, not me, and not those 99%.

So why does she choose to keep it to her self? Is she ashamed? Does it bother her that they would know? Is she afraid they'd think less of her?

Why indeed would they have to know?

Peace and kindness be with you

[Wondergirl]

you are lying to them and that lying is ok

I didn't say lie to them. If someone asks her what she does for a living, since it's legal, why can't she say, "I'm a sex worker"? Otherwise, it's no one's business, and she doesn't have to shout it from the rooftops.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Yes i am a legal prostitute. No it is not a dangerous situation. Im not walking the streets being picked up by random men. Im in a controlled establishment that caters t a certain group of individuals.

I do the job for 3 reasons. 1) i love sex and sexual attention. 2)dealing with people and helping people in an intimate situation makes me feel good. 3) Money - i work approx 3-4days a week and make about $2500-$6000 a week.

This will sound very crass, but knowing the person iside of me, i feel that i would rather be a whore than a slut..i that makes sense.. cos either way, i like to sleep with different people. Doing it this way, im safe

Having sex with mutliple strangers IS a dangerous situation. Have they all been tested for STD's before they come to you? Probably not. Your ARE in a dangerous situation whether you want to admit it or not. Have you thought about STD's? How often are you checked? Do you use condoms for any intercourse and oral pleasure?

[Nestorian]

I didn't say lie to them. If someone asks her what she does for a living, since it's legal, why can't she say, "I'm a sex worker"? Otherwise, it's no one's business, and she doesn't have to shout it from the rooftops.

Wonder girl, I wasn't talking about what you said, but what she is faced with. She can tell them or not, but if she feels that it's lying, then does she feel OK lying, or is it inconflict with her morals, of coures I didn't want to imply that until she either figured she was lying to them by omitting information about her life, or not. As you said, it's all about how she sees it, and driving her to find conclutions on her own. I was curious as to whether she was feeling as though she was lying or not, so I put that in there as it was. Not a great idea I admite, but some times we have to be pushed into a corner to get out our true feelings/self so that we can see just what we are keeping hidden with in. No, I'm not playing counselor, as I'm not trained properly, but I am trying to give her ideas on where to start "soul" searching. If she can get past the idea of social ideals being moral or immoral, and hopefully she will find that it's not so important what others think, but how what you do affects your realtionships with them.
For example: Lets say she had a BF, don't you think she would be wisest to tell him? Does he not deserve to know what he is getting into?
As for family, Hmm, that is a personal choice. I would tell mine, but that is because my family is well messed up any way so it really wouldn't be a big deal, for too long.
My friends, Depending on how close I am to them, I'd tell them I guess; but, the relationship is then up to the other person to decide whether I'm still the person they want to hang out with or not.

It's all situational dependent, and the variables are being weighed, that is why she is asking us so many opinion questions. She seems to be looking for reasurances, and hope... Oddly enough, I think she is enjoying what she is doing, but I don't think she is paying full attention to some of the aspects with a critial mind, but more of a they seem to enjoy it, seem happy while with me, so it must be good? It's the question in her statement that makes me curious.

Those are just some thoughts, nothing specail, and most likely as she shares more of her story with us those thoughts will change. Anything I say is not absolute, what I speak is only possibilities, and so I let life show me what it will with out trying to define it to a point where I can claim, "i'm right". Because chances are, I am not. I hope that isn't too confusing, I have a habit of rambling and making no sense at times, if I did this, my apologies.

So, really, I agree, why can't she say, "I'm a sex worker."? Only I'm not asking others, I'm asking her and only her.

Peace and kindness be with you.

[Meow420]

Meow420, you sound very smart, and you seem to be wise with your money; but, you sense that you are missing something, don't you? You seem like you are affraid of something, but I can't tell what, and by the sounds of things you your self aren't sure of it either. You feel abnormal, otherwise why the counselor? You have an ideal to follow in the way of what life should look like, and you are living in a world of obsurities and don't know who, or what you really are? Deffining yourself takes a lot of effort and even then you aren't sure if thats who you are when you say it is, or if it's a lie you tell people to make it seem ok, better, and less painful??

Does any of that hit anything? Sorry, i'm probing, counselors do this too, but i'm being more blunt and straight up, to find an answer to your question.

Important Information: When we are expereincing pleasure, it is hard to experience displeasure; thus we learn to associate some, socially veiwed as, bad behaviours (Behaviours, being feelings, actions from you or others, thoughts) as good. This is because when we experience something we like dopamine is released in our brain, lowering our threshold for pleasure, making even the things we normally precieve as negative, as a pleasing stimulation. Then we can even become addicted to that kind of behaviour craving the stimulation of our pleasure centers.
I'm not sure why you would be a sex addict, other than that it's pleasing and you simply kept doing it so much so that you now depend upon it like people who "need" their coffee/sugar fix, or if it's really bad like a Cocaine/LOVE(yes I mean love)/Mania addict, or even a addrenaline junky. But with out knowing more about who you are, where you came from, how you were raised, what your morals/values and beliefs are; there really isn't much more i can explain.

I am curious if you've ever been abused before? Or what your past relationships have been like, or your previous sexual expereinces?

One more thing, what did you think of yourself when you were younger, and what do you think of yourself now? Pysically, intelectaully, socially, personally, and so on. I see you find that being there for those men is serving the purpose of helping them, but i'm affraid that it is probably more the opposite, as they are holding onto a relationship that is baised on money and not personal interaction on an intimate and non-buisness like level. It sets unrealistic ideals, and then they may either keep treating people as they do, or cheat on thier lovers, or simply become too dependent upon you to supply them with "pleasure"/joy in life and thus they are addicted to you. What happens when you leave, or if you decide you don't want to be there any more? More importantly, what kind of purpose are you really serving? Any one can give some one money, but to teach them to make it on their own, that is not easy and is the only way to "help" some one. If they can't make it on their own, then they wont make it at all. IF you are a councelor what kind of councel do you give? Is it sound, or is it foolish? Can those people really benafit from it? Are you really providing comfort, and possibly lies to these people so they can feel good about them selves while they avoid the cold hard truth? Or do you tell them to pull up their socks, and believe in them selves, they can go tell their significant other that they are through, then tell them they need to stop seeing you so they can find them selves????


Does that sound about right??

May peace and kindness be with you.

Thank for the coment... I will try and answer all your questions...
Do I feel something is missing? Yes and no. I don't think Im missing out on anything in life, but I do think I'm missing the tools to be able to either stand proud to be who I am or admit I have a problem.


I do know who I am, even in the life of abscurities. I know I feel and live differently to the magority of people in the world. But I do know who I am.. I'm just not sure if who I am is OK to be.

I lie to those I love because the truth would hurt them. No mother or father wishes to hear their daughter is a prostitute. I come from a good family with a strict upbringing. My mother a teacher, my dad a carpenter, a little brother in the police force. This is the only lie I tell them. They do know I have a sex problem. They know about my promiscuity.

I was never abused as a child. Never raped as a teenager. Never had any bad sexual experiences. My past relationships were all different. I left home at 16, by choice. I just wanted to be independent. I still went to high school and graduated with very good grades. When I was 16-18 I was very submissive, very quiet but I slept around a lot. After that I had long term partners. My last relationship was 3 years ago.. it lasted 5 yrs, and I ended it when I started cheating on him.

I liked myself as a child in all aspects.
Yes I give my clients sound advice. For instance, one man came to see me because his wife of 20yrs didn't want sex anymore. We talked about it and after hearing his story, I could see he was no longer doing all the nice things that get us women going (ie helping around the house, he never hugged her, he never called her sweetheart anymore etc) so I told him to get his butt into gear and start doing all those things that he used to, to make her feel special.. 2 weeks later he came back in to see me, not to have sex, but to tell me he tried it and it worked.. and I have a million more true examples like that.

Yes I do think I'm helping them in a positive way.

[Meow420]

P.S. Meow420, you tell us one thing, but it doens't add up with your questions??

"because the rest of the world thinks im doing something wrong... im happy with my life.. i do some bizarre and somewhat crazy things but im happy. I do hide my work from 99% of people in my life tho."- You

You are worried about what the rest of the world thinks, but you can't help that, you can only focus on what you think, if you think you are happy then be content with that, because you can't not make some one else happy, they have to choose that for themselves.

As for the 99% of people that don't know what you do, you may need to come clean and face the fact that they may not like it one bit, and clear your concience, or accept that you are lying to them and that lying is ok. Is lying in conflict with one of your morals?

"So when ppl start saying things to me, it makes me question how i live my life. Am i immoral? Am i a bad person? Am i acting in a negative way? It doesnt feel like that, but maybe im sooo consumed with sex and things, that im just not seeing the reality of it all... make sense?"-You



take care.

The worlds opinion can weigh you done sometims.. have you ever done anyting that the magority of people would go "boo" at? Its hard. Even within the sex industry, there are women there who think I am strange. They do the job for money and money alone. Even as a fellow sex worker, they do not understand the enjoyment I get out of my job. So if even hookers are questioning my mental state, how can I not start questioning myself?


Lying to those I love is hard but id rather that one lie then break their hearts. If they knew the exact situation I was in and understood the way the sex industry works in this country then they might not be as concernd but all they see on TV about brothels is drugs, horrible men and bad things. Which is NOT the environment I work in.

[Meow420]

Why indeed? As I said, "...You may need to come clean and face the fact that they may not like it one bit, and clear your concience, or accept that you are lying to them and that lying is ok. Is lying in conflict with one of your morals?"

I agree, what she does with her life is her business, but would she be cool if they lied to her?? The door swings both ways, and if you can't handle others treating you the way you treat them, then you are inconflict with your values/morals. I'ts on her to decide what is right or wrong, not you, not me, and not those 99%.

So why does she choose to keep it to her self? Is she ashamed? Does it bother her that they would know? Is she affraid they'd think less of her?

Why indeed would they have to know?

Peace and kindness be with you

Yes I am "cool" with those I love lying to me to protect me. And of course in the past they have. Not justify lying but sometimes I guess you do it to spare those you love from pain.

I am not ashamed of what I do, but to me it is a private thing. I don't dicuss which position I like best with them so telling them I accept money for sex is kind of in that category to me.

I don't think they need to know. In the past I have worked and had a partner at the same time I have lied to them also. In my head I justified it by saying "well if they arent paying my bills, they dont need to know what im doing" I have since then changed that. I won't work while I am with someone, but then I met the married man and with him I can tell all. He is the first "relationship" I've been in where I can be totally honest and its nice.

[Meow420]

Having sex with mutliple strangers IS a dangerous situation. Have they all been tested for STD's before they come to you? Probably not. Your ARE in a dangerous situation whether you want to admit it or not. Have you thought about STD's? How often are you checked? Do you use condoms for any intercourse and oral pleasure?

No the clients are not tested by blood BUT every time I see one, I do a health check before they have a shower. I check their penis for any new lumps etc, I squeeze their penis to see if any unusual colour comes from it.

Most of my clients have partners and would die if they took something home to their wives so majoriity are very clean.

Of course I think about std's which is why I NEVER do anything without a condom (sex and oral). I use dams for oral sex also(when they go down on me). I do not kiss my clients.

I have a regulat health check every 3 months which I have to submit to my workplace. It is a law in this country that girls MUST be checked every 3 months and provide documentation to the brothel.

[Meow420]

So, really, I agree, why can't she say, "I'm a sex worker."?? Only I'm not asking others, i'm asking her and only her.

Peace and kindness be with you.

In some situations, yes I can say "im a sex worker" with ease... but as soon as I do, if there are men around, they all think they can get me into bed for free, they all automatically assume I'm a slut.

To say it to my family... well that is a different story. I think my mum would blame herself.. something she didn't do as a child and that would be most untrue. My family has awlways been there for me. Even when I've been a little cow to them. I think they have put up with enough crap from me.. now at 30yrs old id like to save them some heart ache I guess.

[Nestorian]

I Don't have much time so I'll leave you with thank you for answering my questions, I only read a little bit, but from it I got a HUGE amount of insight.

You say you know who you are, but you don't know if that's OK or not... You know you are not like other people... Try to protect your loved ones from the truth...

So who are you? Why is who you are not OK? And most interestingly of all, where do you fit in the picture? Where do you belong? (word to the wise, often we can see the obscurities, but it seems the obvious eludes us. In other words, the biggest obscurity of all is that which is right in front of our faces, and thus gives us a fauls sense of many things/situations. Try to be mindful of that, and perhaps you will see something you didn't before.)

I will read the rest later, and reply as soon as I can, but in the mean time, May peace and kindness be with you.

[Meow420]

You say you know who you are, but you don't know if that's ok or not... You know you are not like other people... Try to protect your loved ones from the truth...

So who are you? Why is who you are not ok? and most interestingly of all, where do you fit in the picture? Where do you belong?

Who am I? I am a 30yr old sex worker, who loves sex, who is happy in most aspects of my life, who is kind and giving, who loves her family dearly, a good friend, an individual, a law abiding citizen, an active member of my towns community... I am me! (im really not sure how you wanted me to address this question sorry)

Why is who I am not OK? Well I think I am OK. Well I thought I was. Like I said before, its outside influences that are leading me to believe that who I am and what I do are wrong.

Where do I fit in the picture? Im not sure how to answer also... I don't know how I fit. Do I fit in there?

[simoneaugie]

Hey Meow. The fact that you are exploring the feelings and opinions of others is something many do not do. That is probably why you have so many successes working. You take your clients, just as they are. If there were more people with your attitude, I think our world would be a better place.

[Meow420]

Hey Meow. The fact that you are exploring the feelings and opinions of others is something many do not do. That is probably why you have so many successes working. You take your clients, just as they are. If there were more people with your attitude, I think our world would be a better place.

Thank you sooooo much for this comment x x x You really made me feel proud x x thank you