[hannapowers]

I have been married for 10 years. I use to enjoy sex a lot! But since the birth of my daughter 4 years ago, I just don't want it, crave it or seem to need it. Even when I am in the mood, It seems that my husband doesn't know where to touch or how to touch me to make me feel good. What can I do?

[smoothy]

Have you tried Telling him where and how you want touched. He isn't any more capable of mindreading than you are.

Second... have you talked to a physician about this? Possibly a mild form of depression combined with the "mommy" workload of raising a young child depressing your libido.

[sylvan_1998]

Okay, I can totally sympathize with you. And Smoothy, your advice while good is sometimes not what is the best. Meaning, sex should not be forced and in telling them what you want leads to feeble attemps that only make it worse. I wish it were this easy.

My husband and I went to a sex therapist. It helped. But we still need more work.

I have no other advice but plently of sympathy.

[smoothy]

Okay, I can totally sympathize with you. And Smoothy, your advice while good is sometimes not what is the best. Meaning, sex should not be forced and in telling them what you want leads to feeble attemps that only make it worse. I wish it were this easy.

My husband and I went to a sex therapist. It helped. But we still need more work.

I have no other advice but plently of sympathy.

If you don't tell him what you want and how you like it then how is he ever going to learn. Some guys are not as attuned to figuring this out on their own as others are. A few will never figure it out if you don't give them a map and detailed directions. Nothing forced about that. Too many women sit their gietly griping that their husbands aren't doing it right while their husbands on the other hand think they are doing everything right. If you can't talk about things like this then what can you talk to them about? That's the point I was trying to make.

THe only guys that will get upset and make things worse are those that truly have a problem. Assuming the woman wasn't obnoxious and condescending when she does it. Most guys that make an effort want that effort to work... if they don't know they aren't doing it right then who's fault is it really?

[Choux]

You may have wrapped yourself up in a mommy role, and neglected other aspects of your personality. In addition, you may have lost contact with activities that make for a well-balanced life, variety, mental and emotional stimulation.

You have to get back thinking of yourself as a sexy woman, get in contact with being turned on every day by life. Spend three afternoons a week for an h our or so pleasuring yourself and having fantasies. Read erotica.

Get out of the house and learn a sport; get some real good exercise. Turn your body on.

Have a quiet talk with your husband about what you are trying to do for yourself, and ask for his help in turning you on now that you are a more mature woman. Share ideas.

Best wishes,