[Inspired]

Wewed,
Granted you made a mistake, but if she chooses to stay with you, she has to stop saying all these mean things to you. I know that everyone is giving you advice on how to make her happy. From your posts, it seems like you are trying every thing in your power to make her happy, and yet she still says these hurtful things to you. I understand, being a woman, that she will have some bitterness towards you and won't be able to forgive completely for a while. But it almost seems as though she's trying to continuously hurt you and make you feel guilty for what you did in spite of the fact that you are trying everything to make it up to her. All I am saying is that it is normal to have resentment, but to continuously throw it in your face is so wrong. Maybe you should take a step back and look at what she is doing to you. You are not 100% the bad guy here but she is making you feel that way.

[Sam080890]

WEWED.. whatever will be, will be. Whether it's the outcome you want it to be or not, everything happens for a reason. If you and your wife have started to drift apart and things aren't the same anymore, then as hard as it is, sooner or later you have to come to terms with that. For both your sakes. You cannot play on broken strings. When trust is broken, sometimes its just impossible to completely build it back. Each situation is unique and differs from the next but once somebody has been cheated on, they usually spend the rest of the relationship paranoid that if their lover has done it once, they could do it again!. I've been cheated on, I know how it feels. I'm still with my partner now, and I chose to forgive him because he's my world, but as hard as I try to let it go, it still lingers in my head. I may not bring it up all the time in conversation, but it affects the way I think and I find myself second guessing him a lot even over the smallest things. A lot of the time I'm happy with him, and a year on from finding out, we have had so many good times together, we are incredibly close, but I can't trust him like I want to. I know he's done nothing like that to me since, he makes me so happy and looks after me in every way he can, but I still distance myself from him through bitterness. He is sorry for what he did, he cried to me many times and I know him well enough to know when he's being genuine so I know its time to look forward.. . your wife either loves you or she don't. She cannot play hot and cold with you. If she tells you she loves you then take that as her answer and work on it. If she's angry and she says something to you, try not to take it to heart as it may not be her true feelings. To cope with stress, don't make it harder on yourself by thinking into things so much. Your only going to stress yourself out more. You need to take each day as it comes. Anxiety plays with your mind and can make you think ludacris things, so you need to try and work out when your being logical and when your just worrying for no good reason.. . if you don't want to give up on your wife then don't. The best thing you can do is give her as much space as you can. (not go on at her, not be too in her face etc)... its natural human instinct to want what we don't have. IF your wife does love you then she will come to you, when she's ready. Even though you were in the wrong, let her miss you. If she doesn't, then you will know that actually, her feelings have faded and its time you started to think about letting go. You cannot control how she feels by constantly bringing up the good times in the past. She remembers them as much as you do, of course she does. You have to let her figure out for herself what she wants and you need to respect that, either way. As unfair and painful as it may be, that's life. I don't want to sound harsh but when you make mistakes you suffer the consquences. At least your wife knows you love her and you are sorry. That's all that really matters now. Tell how exactly how you feel and then leave the ball in her court. In the meanwhile, get your confidence back and try not to be too down as you never know what the future holds. I hope this helped. Sam x

[Jake2008]

The best thing you can do right now, is carry on with the counselling. You are already seeing results, but you have a long hard road ahead to resolve all these issues- both of you.

That she is willing to go, and you are sincere as well, gives hope to success.

Bring up in counselling the fact that she hounds you, and the negative, hurtful, repetative nature of her comments have you feeling withdrawn and depressed.

See if she cannot agree to address these hateful comments with the therapist, and learn how to control them, and understand why she says them.

I have been married a very long time (33 years), and can tell you, the road is twice as long when one party sabotages any success.

The truth is very hard to accept when infidelity happens, but if I read you right, it seems to me that both sides have made some mistakes.

What you both learn now in counselling, is that nothing is insurmountable if the goal is success-together.