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CNedeau · Jul 12, 2014, 04:51 AM

My girlfriend of nearly three years has decided to end our relationship. We originally started dating in Pa where we both attended the same high school. At the time I was 18 and she was 16. Her family moved to Texas and after a year of a long distance relationship I also moved to Texas and me her and her brother shared an apartment. Just this past June we got another new apartment in which her and I shared a room. About a week after that she went to Alaska to visit her parents and she is still there now. I am 21 now and she is 19. The reason she broke up with me is because she said that I cause her too much stress and that she is concerned that I am not going anywhere with my life. While I can say that in the past I have been a bit flakey, in and out of jobs and school. It just took me a bit to find what I wanted to do. Since the beginning of the year I have decided on a career and been working towards it but it has not been easy going. I feel like she ended it prematurely because she has been away for such a long time and hasn't even seen my progress. I love this girl more than anything, I can't sleep can't eat I just want to hide in a dark corner and cry. I feel like I am completely alone I moved away from all my friends and family to be with her. But I am scared to think about returning east because then there is no way to ever fix our relationship. We just broke up and I am doing the no contact but she has asked me to try and be out of the apartment before August 7th when she gets home. I just don't know what to do.

I broke no contact today. I talked to her for about two hours and oddly enough I actually feel better. We discussed a lot of the things that we thought were wrong in our relationship. And while doing so may have eased her guilt about the break up I'm not sure she had guilt to ease. If anything I kind feel like admitting what I did wrong and hearing her admit what she did wrong was liberating. She told me that she loves me but is not in love with me currently. I won't lie I do still have hope that maybe I can get her to fall in love with again, I did it once before after all. Thank you everyone who responded, it might not be what I wanted to hear but its very true. Even if I can't start a new relationship with her I still need to move forward and build my life. My last question is do you guys think that breaking no contact was a truly bad move and that I have ruined any chance at a new relationship?

derwon25 · Jul 13, 2014, 04:21 AM

A person who cannot stick with you in your struggle certainly doesn't deserves to have the best of you. Maybe what she wants out of a relationship is much more than just love or what you have to offer her, that doesn't suffice het needs and your love alone isint enough to make her stay.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 13, 2014, 05:06 AM

She waited for you to mature,, you did not.. it can be too late... now you decide where you want your life, and move on with it

odinn7 · Jul 13, 2014, 07:50 AM

She had 3 years of you trying to mature and it sounds like you waited until now...probably after her mentioning it more than once. There is probably more to this that you are not telling us...like I doubt it was a spur of the moment decision on her part. Move on with your life and forget about her.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2014, 08:48 AM

When you are done crying in the corner, you better get your own place to live, or go home and build a life that you can stand on your own two feet with. Time to regroup without her.

Oliver2011 · Jul 14, 2014, 06:56 AM

"The reason she broke up with me is because she said that I cause her too much stress" - Good feedback for your next relationship. Learn from your mistakes.

"While I can say that in the past I have been a bit flakey" - Self awareness is not a bad thing at all. Pat yourself on the back.

"I can't sleep can't eat I just want to hide in a dark corner and cry." Ewwwww. I will never understand why people allow a person to have control over their life. Your relationship has ended so now it's time to more your life forward. Learning from your mistakes will help you be a better boyfriend in the future. We have all had breakups and we have all survived breakups. When a door closes kick open a new door and start new.

smoothy · Jul 14, 2014, 07:07 AM

You move on with your life... listen to what she told you and learn from it. Don't repeat the same mistakes. Move home if you must until your get your life back on track.

You really don't have a choice... she made hers. So you suck it up, man up... face what you need to do, and you do it. Maybe it will force you to do the growing up you've avoided until now. So you take the adversity and the crap you find yourself with, both of your own making and otherwise... you make the most of what you have, learn from the mistakes and move ahead determined to do better. And in time you might find this all turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Jake2008 · Jul 14, 2014, 07:29 AM

It sounds like she's been on a bit of a roller coaster ride with you, with new jobs starting up, then ending, then school, and that fizzing out. All the new goals you set for yourself during the relationship were to establish a future for yourself, and that is first and foremost. And it didn't happen. And it hasn't happened yet.

It is hard to keep supporting a person who can't stay on a path for very long. It is exhausting, and stressful to think that, finally! - he's going to get some stability in his life and be a happier person, and then it doesn't happen.

And what is to say about her also supporting you when things didn't work out. That also is exhausting and stressful, particularly so because it is your own undoing that has caused the disappointment.

I think that she stuck with you as long as she did shows that she wanted it to work, and after such a long time, realized it wasn't.

Your angst at losing her, probably has a lot to do with her not being there to support you and love you through these continuous events in your life anymore.

Learn to stand on your own two feet, and figure out what you need to do for yourself first, and second, what you have to offer in any new relationship. If what you have to offer is more of the same, you can count on going through more relationships, with the same pattern that you had established with her.