[Sarah3479]

I don't see why you got so defensive. You got a major attitude just because I disagreed with you.

[Alty]

I don't see why you got so defensive. You got a major attitude just because I disagreed with you.

Sarah, can you clarify who you're addressing with this post?

[Sarah3479]

Sorry Alty. I actually tried to delete that once I saw that you also responded. But it was to Taliman.

[Alty]

Sorry Alty. I actually tried to delete that once I saw that you also responded. But it was to Taliman.

Just remember, we base our posts on what we read, but we also base them largely on what we've lived, and our gender.

I've known Tal for years. He's a great guy, and one of the people on this site whose advice I always value.

Having said that, he's a guy. No matter how hard he tries, he'll always be a guy. No matter how much he knows about his wife, and his marriage, how much he listens, he'll never truly know what's in her mind, and how she feels, because he's not a woman. He's a guy.

He's viewing this from your husbands point of view, because he's a guy. I'm viewing it from your point of view because I'm not a guy. :)

Cut Tal some slack. He's a pretty great guy, even if he can't put himself in the shoes of a woman. Not his fault, because he isn't a woman.

[talaniman]

My wife told you to say that didn't she, Alty?

I have often wondered what the OP's partner would say about these situation. Then we would have a complete story. Seldom is one issue the central issue.

[Alty]

LOL Tal. Na, your wife didn't say a thing, I'm just a woman, as is your wife, and women tend to understand women better than men do. Same with men understanding men more than women do. It is what it is. The opposite sex rarely understand each other, but we do often make a great pairing, with a lot of compromise, a few arguments, and a lot of trying to understand. It's a lot of work, but well worth it. :)

I do agree that hearing his side would help. But we only have the OP's side (to clarify to the OP, OP means original poster) to go by. That's what frustrates me about these threads. We have one side of the story, and we never have enough of the info from even that one side, to offer any significant advice. Not the OP's fault. In order to provide enough info she'd have to write a book, and no one would want to spend the time to read it all. That's why I always ask questions, to try to get to the root of things. Even then, it's still one side, not both.

With this post, I feel where the OP is coming from, and I may well be wrong. I'm not always right, in fact, I often fail when it comes to giving advice based solely on what someone has posted. But that's all we have to go by. In this case I think, and again, I may be wrong, that the major issues is lack of intimacy, lack of feeling wanted and loved. Sex is the underlying issue, because sex is the only way this OP feels intimacy from her husband, and it's so infrequent, and more of a chore for him, which he has expressed, that she feels no love at all from her husband.

Again, I may very well be wrong, but after questions, and posts by the OP, that's what I'm leaning towards. If I am wrong, completely off track here, I hope the OP tells me so so I, and others, can offer better advice.

[Sarah3479]

Thanks Alty for all your understanding and great advice. :-)

Honestly I have read these threads for years. And I love Talanimans advice. He's given a lot of heartfelt really good advice. I've always liked him and still do. I actually usually post under another name that you all would probably recognize, but I just wanted this post to be more anonymous.

Talaniman, sorry I got heated. It's hard not to take all of the posts personally and feel a little attacked with some of the things people say (not necessarily you). So I was just feeling attacked in general. But anyway I do love your advice and agree that sexual issues a lot of time probably come from something else going on in the relationship. But I think it's definitely possible that if one person's libido is very low compared to the other, that in itself can cause problems. No biggie if we don't agree on that.

Do me and my husband have other issues too? Yes but honestly I can't even think of one. We bicker and such like other couples. But in my opinion everything else is pretty good. My husband would probably say I can be grumpy in the mornings. And I know my ocd tendencies get on his nerves. Everything I think of seems pretty small.

Anyway he knows I wrote on this website and posted about this problem. I don't keep anything from him. I'm guessing his response to all this would be that he does want to be intimate with me. But actions speak louder than words in my opinion. But he does admit to having a lower libido.

If you guys really want his response I could think about having him read all this.. yikes.