[zynexe]

Some months ago, I've met a guy (or should I say, he met me) on Facebook. I have my motives as to not do real-life relationships, beginning with the fact that I simply don't like the guys living in my area, and they don't have anything in common with my likes. But that's besides the point.

I didn't like him very much at first, and definitely didn't take him that seriously, until it started building up over these four months that we've met. We've Skyped and videochatted multiple times, so we have a pretty good idea of who we are. And I hate to brag, but our relationship is spot-on: we are always honest, we understand each other perfectly well, and we handle our problems with one goal in mind--to not destroy the relationship.

However, we are only 15 years of age, and even as we take our relationship as seriously as we do, I have doubts that time and distance--and of course, a cruel twist of fate--might break us up one day.

Anyway, we non-stop talk. We always find a way to communicate, and we simply cannot get enough of each other: at school, at home, day, night, whenever, wherever. It would be a good thing, but it's not. It's interfering with my school life. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on my homework assignments and I put off studying time just to talk to him. I don't feel motivated to do anything else except just talk to him. I sleep late because of this, and I've had days where I just put off school completely, such as this one. But today was when I finally had this realization; that I need help.

The thing is, he's very clingy and gets his feelings hurt easily, and I definitely don't want to hurt him. That's just the way he is, and I like him the way he is, but I've got to do something about this issue.

I need help on what to do to spend time with him, but also not let it disturb my studies in any way. For these reasons, I am not studying to my full potential, and it's beginning to worry me.

Please, if I could have some advice, I would be most profoundly grateful.

[odinn7]

You won't like what you're going to hear....

If he is causing you this much trouble and you can't take your responsibilities seriously because of this relationship, then you shouldn't be doing this. Your relationship should not consume you. He needs to know that you have responsibilities right now that you need to take care of...there is time for him but there also needs to be time for you. He needs to understand that but you do as well.

Listen...the reality of this is...this won't last anyway. You may think right now that it's the be all end all that you've ever wanted and all you're ever looking for...you're wrong...trust me. It's a LDR and chances are, it won't last the year. Why put so much stock and worry into this? You're 15...you have plenty of time. Take care of you...your school work and anything you need to get done. Worry about him later. If he wants to break it off...who cares? In a year you will look back and wonder why you wasted so much time.

[Wondergirl]

What odinn7 said.

And what is going on with your LDR's schoolwork (and life in general)?

[Homegirl 50]

I agree with odinn7. You sound like a pretty intelligent girl. You know enough to realize time with him is interfering in your school work. Tell him this. Set aside a time to talk to him (after your school work is done and at a reasonable hour) He will either understand this or he won't. How are his grades?

[zynexe]

What odinn7 said.

And what is going on with your LDR's schoolwork (and life in general)?

Well, to be truthful, he doesn't really have much of a life. He's a very timid person and awfully shy; he's a loner and his only friends are his older brother's friends, whom he talks to sparingly. His grades are like me, we could be so much better if we concentrated and got our stuff done.. .

[zynexe]

I agree with odinn7. You sound like a pretty intelligent girl. You know enough to realize time with him is interfering in your school work. Tell him this. Set aside a time to talk to him (after your school work is done and at a reasonable hour) He will either understand this or he won't. How are his grades?

Well, he problem is, we've already established the fact that school comes first and then ourselves, but we keep coming back to our talks.. . It somehow always finds a way to creep back in.

[zynexe]

Well, he problem is, we've already established the fact that school comes first and then ourselves, but we keep coming back to our talks.. . It somehow always finds a way to creep back in.

*the

[zynexe]

You won't like what you're going to hear....

If he is causing you this much trouble and you can't take your responsibilities seriously because of this relationship, then you shouldn't be doing this. Your relationship should not consume you. He needs to know that you have responsibilities right now that you need to take care of...there is time for him but there also needs to be time for you. He needs to understand that but you do as well.

Listen...the reality of this is...this won't last anyway. You may think right now that it's the be all end all that you've ever wanted and all you're ever looking for...you're wrong...trust me. It's a LDR and chances are, it won't last the year. Why put so much stock and worry into this? You're 15...you have plenty of time. Take care of you...your school work and anything you need to get done. Worry about him later. If he wants to break it off...who cares? In a year you will look back and wonder why you wasted so much time.

Thank you.. . And this is true, it's the same stuff my mom tells me. But it's hard.. . I don't know how to manage it. I feel almost compelled to answer him almost every time because if I don't, he'll become emotionally unstable. I don't know what it is, and I know he wants to have a future with me and I do, too, but the way it's going right now.. . I don't even know.

[Wondergirl]

Well, to be truthful, he doesn't really have much of a life. He's a very timid person and awfully shy; he's a loner and his only friends are his older brother's friends, whom he talks to sparingly. His grades are like me, we could be so much better if we concentrated and got our stuff done.. .

Maybe it's time for you to be the gatekeeper, the timer, the scheduler. Plan out with him the days and times to communicate -- after homework is finished, after chores are done, etc., -- and also limit the amount of time spent. Weekends can be longer periods and perhaps more often (if all chores and homework are finished). That way the two of you will have something to look forward to and you won't be a drain on each other during the week. And no fair cheating!

You'll be doing both of you a favor. Make it a fun thing and compare notes when you finally talk about all the things you got done during your times apart. See who got the most done (and done well).

[Homegirl 50]

Well this is unhealthy. You tell him you two need to pay attention to school, and you can only talk a couple of times a week. You can't allow your grades to fall because of him. He is needy and will bring you down.

[Alty]

Sounds like a simple issue with electronics. I have to admit that once I came to this site, and fb, it started to take up more of my time than I would like. It's very easy to get sucked in to talking with people. It feels good to be able to converse with people.

Something I did that helped a lot, was limit my time. Now I'm a mom, married, much older than you. I'm done with school. But I didn't have these sort of distractions when I was younger There was no internet, no texting, no Facebook etc.

You can both talk to each other, but limit it. You both seem to know that school has to come first. So allow yourself a hour a day, after your school work is done, to chat. Be strict with yourself about it.

[zynexe]

Maybe it's time for you to be the gatekeeper, the timer, the scheduler. Plan out with him the days and times to communicate -- after homework is finished, after chores are done, etc., -- and also limit the amount of time spent. Weekends can be longer periods and perhaps more often (if all chores and homework are finished). That way the two of you will have something to look forward to and you won't be a drain on each other during the week. And no fair cheating!

Wow.. . Well, that's a good measure to take. He's a smart kid, too, so he'll understand, I hope.. . I'll definitely be trying this. Thanks!

[zynexe]

Sounds like a simple issue with electronics. I have to admit that once I came to this site, and fb, it started to take up more of my time than I would like. It's very easy to get sucked in to talking with people. It feels good to be able to converse with people.

Something I did that helped a lot, was limit my time. Now I'm a mom, married, much older than you. I'm done with school. But I didn't have these sort of distractions when I was younger There was no internet, no texting, no Facebook etc.

You can both talk to each other, but limit it. You both seem to know that school has to come first. So allow yourself a hour a day, after your school work is done, to chat. Be strict with yourself about it.

Wow, thank you; I got a similar answer earlier, and I know it will be hard at first, but I'll try my hardest to do it. Thanks a lot.
By the way, did you end up marrying the person you thought you'd marry? This is another issue I have with my LDR; I feel we're speeding ourselves up a lot. We've already discussed marriage and the sort, and I know that we shouldn't be.

[Wondergirl]

Wow.. . Well, that's a good measure to take. He's a smart kid, too, so he'll understand, I hope.. . I'll definitely be trying this. Thanks!

I had added to my post: "You'll be doing both of you a favor. Make it a fun thing and compare notes when you finally talk about all the things you got done during your times apart. See who got the most done (and done well)."

He might really enjoy the competition and would understand he has to work hard before he talks with you again (and then tell you [brag??? and outdo you???] how hard he worked and what he accomplished).

[zynexe]

Well this is unhealthy. You tell him you two need to pay attention to school, and you can only talk a couple of times a week. You can't allow your grades to fall because of him. He is needy and will bring you down.

Very true.. . It's like my mom said, she says I seem different to her and that I am not myself anymore. It's like I'm carrying an extra burden because of this, a consuming relationship. But I will tell him, and I will definitely follow the great advice that has been posted here.

[zynexe]

I had added to my post: "You'll be doing both of you a favor. Make it a fun thing and compare notes when you finally talk about all the things you got done during your times apart. See who got the most done (and done well)."
He might really enjoy the competition and would understand he has to work hard before he talks with you again (and then tell you [brag??? and outdo you???] how hard he worked and what he accomplished).

Oh, right, well this sounds like a fun idea. I like it!

[Alty]

Wow, thank you; I got a similar answer earlier, and I know it will be hard at first, but I'll try my hardest to do it. Thanks a lot.
By the way, did you end up marrying the person you thought you'd marry? This is another issue I have with my LDR; I feel we're speeding ourselves up a lot. We've already discussed marriage and the sort, and I know that we shouldn't be.

I didn't marry my first "love". I put love in quotes because it wasn't really love. It sure felt like it. I was around your age with my first "love". I had many "loves" before I actually met the one and only. But we were never long distance. We lived a 5 minute drive from each other, and from the time we met we saw each other ever day. I never dated anyone long distance, ever.

My husband and I met at 19, and it still amazes me that it lasted. Most relationship started at 19, don't end up in marriage, much less a successful one.

We're both 43 now, have 2 kids, and love each other even more than we did when we married.

But ya, I remember being 15, and I remember my friends and I planning our weddings with the guys we were seeing at the time, and thinking it would last forever. That's what you do at 15. When you're 43 you'll laugh about it. Heck, when you're in your 20's you'll laugh about it. It's a teen thing. It's not something you'll really understand until you're an adult. I know I didn't. I really thought that I was in love until I found the real deal.

But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the feeling of first "love". When it's real you won't have a lot of questions about it. You'll know it's right.

[zynexe]

I didn't marry my first "love". I put love in quotes because it wasn't really love. It sure felt like it. I was around your age with my first "love". I had many "loves" before I actually met the one and only. But we were never long distance. We lived a 5 minute drive from each other, and from the time we met we saw each other ever day. I never dated anyone long distance, ever.

My husband and I met at 19, and it still amazes me that it lasted. Most relationship started at 19, don't end up in marriage, much less a successful one.

We're both 43 now, have 2 kids, and love each other even more than we did when we married.

But ya, I remember being 15, and I remember my friends and I planning our weddings with the guys we were seeing at the time, and thinking it would last forever. That's what you do at 15. When you're 43 you'll laugh about it. Heck, when you're in your 20's you'll laugh about it. It's a teen thing. It's not something you'll really understand until you're an adult. I know I didn't. I really thought that I was in love until I found the real deal.

But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the feeling of first "love". When it's real you won't have a lot of questions about it. You'll know it's right.

Beautiful. I'll keep that in mind.

[Alty]

Beautiful. I'll keep that in mind.

I hope you do. You've listened to every bit of advice that we've posted, and that's amazing to me. Most teens tell us to f off, tell us that we don't understand, tell us that they know everything. You didn't, and that sets you apart, in a very good way.

Fact is, I was a teen once too, and I wasn't a good teen. I won't paint this pretty picture of me in pigtails, baking cookies for guys I liked, inviting them to a chaperoned tea at my house, playing silly games with them. I wasn't a virgin when I got married, and I didn't lose it to my husband, he wasn't even in the top 5 of sexual experiences :(

I did a lot of things I regret now. Twenty twenty hindsight really isn't fun.

Now I have a son that's 15, same age as you. I have a daughter that's 11. Knowing what I know now, my biggest wish is to spare them the pain of finding out things the hard way. There is something to be said about listening to people that have been there, done that, instead of making the mistakes for yourself.

I remember being so in love that I would have done anything. I remember being so in love that I sat in my room and cried for weeks because he didn't feel the same way. I remember being in love with someone that I never could have had, and feeling worthless because of it, and he didn't even know how I felt, which is probably a good thing since he would have gone to jail if he'd reciprocated my feelings. I remember the pain, I can still feel it. It sucked, and still does.

I've been around the block a few times. At your age I never would have listened to any adult that told me what we're telling you. So I have a lot of respect for you because you are listening. I hope that means that you won't learn things the hard way.

If you ever need advice, just ask, I'm more than willing to offer it to you. It's very rare to find someone your age that's smart enough to listen to people that have been where she is now, and then some, and learn from those mistakes.

[zynexe]

I hope you do. You've listened to every bit of advice that we've posted, and that's amazing to me. Most teens tell us to f off, tell us that we don't understand, tell us that they know everything. You didn't, and that sets you apart, in a very good way.

Fact is, I was a teen once too, and I wasn't a good teen. I won't paint this pretty picture of me in pigtails, baking cookies for guys I liked, inviting them to a chaperoned tea at my house, playing silly games with them. I wasn't a virgin when I got married, and I didn't lose it to my husband, he wasn't even in the top 5 of sexual experiences :(

I did a lot of things I regret now. Twenty twenty hindsight really isn't fun.

Now I have a son that's 15, same age as you. I have a daughter that's 11. Knowing what I know now, my biggest wish is to spare them the pain of finding out things the hard way. There is something to be said about listening to people that have been there, done that, instead of making the mistakes for yourself.

I remember being so in love that I would have done anything. I remember being so in love that I sat in my room and cried for weeks because he didn't feel the same way. I remember being in love with someone that I never could have had, and feeling worthless because of it, and he didn't even know how I felt, which is probably a good thing since he would have gone to jail if he'd reciprocated my feelings. I remember the pain, I can still feel it. It sucked, and still does.

I've been around the block a few times. At your age I never would have listened to any adult that told me what we're telling you. So I have a lot of respect for you because you are listening. I hope that means that you won't learn things the hard way.

If you ever need advice, just ask, I'm more than willing to offer it to you. It's very rare to find someone your age that's smart enough to listen to people that have been where she is now, and then some, and learn from those mistakes.

Thank you so, so much. I know what it is also, to feel like you're in love and get your heart broken with a much older man, hahah. I remember crying for weeks, too. He was 23, in a band, and I don't know what it was about him, but I thought him perfect, like the best thing that had happened to me. This was, however, before I got hooked with the guy I'm mentioning here, but I know how it feels.

My mother always tells me to watch out from guys' lies. They sometimes just want to lead you on, and my mother lost her virginity at 16, just a step away from my age right now (I'll be 16 in a few weeks). She knows the pain and misfortune of not having someone take her seriously because of what happened all those years ago, and like you, doesn't wish that for me or anybody. I understand.

Thank you so much again, I really value the advice given to me here because it's from adults and not just anyone. Kids sound silly when they try to give advice, especially teenagers like me, so I'm glad I found this site.