[Lippy77]

He's right in that it's not you, at least physically.

He's not going to stop smoking. He doesn't want to. Giving up a habit has to be something that you want to and are driven to do. That is unlikely to happen if you ask him too. He doesn't want to quit. You want him to quit. It isn't going to happen.

It might get better. It might stay the same.

I think he's giving you the real dope though. You're pressuring him into sex. It isn't as it was, it is a chore. The old lady needs a screwing. Let me go get my gloves. Take sex off the table. Don't signal you wanted your fields ploughed by going to bed early. Just go to bed early. Let him get it going.

If you get horny. Masturbate.

He says he doesn't like smoking it and its habit as he has been doing it so long and still maintains he had a sex drive whilst he was smoking it!

[talaniman]

He says he doesn't like smoking it and its habit as he has been doin it so long and still maintains he had a sex drive whilst he was smoking it!

I fail to see why that's even relevant. Are you grasping for straws and reasons you have never had the robust sex life you want?

If you cannot change your partner, change yourself, and if you aren't willing to do that then the conflict further drives a wedge between you. Is this a deal breaker or how long can you live like this?

[smoothy]

He says he doesn't like smoking it and its habit as he has been doin it so long and still maintains he had a sex drive whilst he was smoking it!

Want to buy some Oceanfront property in Kansas?

What I'm saying is he is feeding you lies. Because what he told you is the exact opposite of documented studies that prove the opposite is true.

[Lippy77]

Want to buy some Oceanfront property in Kansas?

What I'm saying is he is feeding you lies. Because what he told you is the exact opposite of documented studies that prove the opposite is true.

This is what I can't understand! Does masturbating decrease sex drive do you know?

I fail to see why that's even relevant. Are you grasping for straws and reasons why you have never had the robust sex life you want?

If you cannot change your partner, change yourself, and if you aren't willing to do that then the conflict further drives a wedge between you. Is this a deal breaker or how long can you live like this?

Maybe I am grasping at straws problem is I love the guy, I do believe he has now stopped smoking as no evidence to suggest he is still doing it. I don't want to live like this I just want to be able to talk to him about it but he flies off the handle! I often get in bed with him and whilst he is sleeping he moves my hand to his genitals and gets aroused but as stated he is sleeping so I'm not sure he knows he is doing this and I'm not sure what this means?

[smoothy]

This is what I can't understand! Does masturbating decrease sex drive do you know?

It doesn't decrease sex drive long term... it only releases the tension for a short time, maybe a few hours or that day. Have you ever masturbated yourself? That is something you would see for yourself.

[Lippy77]

It doesn't decrease sex drive long term...it only releases the tension for a short time, maybe a few hours or that day. Have you ever masturbated yourself? That is something you would see for yourself.

Yes I have but it's not the same as sex, I want to be intimate with my partner I've tried telling him I watch porn to try and spice things up but it's still the same old answer... It's you nagging for sex that makes it unattractive! I just don't know how to sort it! Like I said tried asking why he would rather masturbate and he said its not planned like sex shouldn't be but I can help thinking that's rubbish as he is doing it every time I'm at work!

[smoothy]

Like we've been telling you... its time to reevaluate this relationship... because its unlikely to change. And this is not a minor little thing.

And speaking to you as a guy... he's not being honest to you on a few things you've told us about... and who knows how many other things we don't know about. Actually all of us telling you this have been guys.. except Greentree who is a woman, so you've been getting it straight from other guys from a guys perspective.

You don't mould someone into what you want (its a lot like teaching a pig to dance)... you actually have to find someone that is what you want.

[Lippy77]

Like we've been telling you...its time to reevaluate this relationship....because its unlikely to change. And this is not a minor little thing.

And speaking to you as a guy....he's not being honest to you on a few things you've told us about...and who knows how many other things we don't know about. Actually all of us telling you this have been guys..except Greentree who is a woman, so you've been getting it straight from other guys from a guys perspective.

You don't mould someone into what you want (its a lot like teaching a pig to dance).....you actually have to find someone that is what you want.

Maybe I need to I just don't want to see it! I asked him today if he does want a sexual relationship with me and he said yes but saying and doing are two different things, thanks for your advice we are due to go on holiday in a couple of weeks so will see how it goes and then re evaluate

[smoothy]

Maybe I need to I just don't wanna see it! I asked him today if he does want a sexual relationship with me and he said yes but saying and doing are two different things, thanks for your advice we are due to go on holiday in a couple of weeks so will see how it goes and then re evaluate

You are who you are... if you pretend its not happening, or try to convince yourself you don't see it... then its going to eat at you. And things that eat at you long enough have a way of growing and festering... like a cancer.

First be honest to yourself... and true to yourself. And also remember everyone is not alike... man or woman... so just because he is like this.. everyone won't be. Everyone won't be the right match for a particular person. Despite the best of intentions.