Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    avadot's Avatar
    avadot Posts: 29, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #21

    Dec 3, 2012, 03:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by gloade View Post
    He has given you a straight answer but you don't want to see it. He is only using you. Of course he is dating or looking for other people to use. You do not love this man you just do not want to be rejected. What human does? It is not you, he just doesn't want you. Plain and simple. He only wants you when it is convenient for him and he knows how to reel you in. I would stop messaging this man through text, email ect. Just let him go. Do you ever notice when you leave him alone he comes running back? Again the feeling of being rejected. You are feeding off of each other to feel needed and so on.For your sake leave this behind you without giving him an answer why. He is not worthy and you are still playing the game if you keep messaging him. End this for good. In fact block him if you can and move on. Sorry to sound harsh but this is the truth. If you keep doing this you are just hurting yourself more and more and you will never gain anything out of it.

    Yes that is very harsh and I know what you are saying and I have been such a fool to lend him the money. Should I ask him for it back? I am struggling myself as a flight attendant and been laid off until April next year. I just can't let it go like this as we have been seeing each other for nearly 4mths. Deep down I know he is a nice bloke but not working and everything else has got him depressed so much I feel he is taking it out on me?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #22

    Dec 3, 2012, 03:50 PM
    You have allowed yourself to get hung up on a man that does not treat you so kindly and this has only been a 4 month relationship. He is a middle aged man, not a teen. He is not going to change and you need to not waste anymore time on him, or at least stop chasing him. If he wants you, let him chase you. You are acting like a middle aged desperate woman.
    Leave him alone.
    gloade's Avatar
    gloade Posts: 9, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #23

    Dec 3, 2012, 04:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by avadot View Post
    Yes that is very harsh and I know what you are saying and I have been such a fool to lend him the money. Should I ask him for it back? I am struggling myself as a flight attendant and been laid off until April next year. I just can't let it go like this as we have been seeing each other for nearly 4mths. Deep down I know he is a nice bloke but not working and everything else has got him depressed so much I feel he is taking it out on me?
    I would just leave the past behind you. Whatever money you lent him consider it gone. I don't want to come across as mean or heartless but I myself have been through relationships of abusers (physical, mental, and emotional) and every time I would leave one I would find another. It was a very repeatitive cycle and I always thought it was my fault or something I was doing wrong to deserve their behavior. I thought I could make them love me and I was convinced I loved them. I saw all he good in them which made me want to help them more but in the end I realized it was not love it was control and abuse that I did not love myself. I will say I am very fortunate now I have met the most wonderful man who treats me with respect. We are married and he is my rock. I still struggle to this day to realize my worth and that I can hold my head high and enjoy life. I am fortunate he is so supportive and patient. I still see a psychologist so that I know how to keep going forward maintaining a healthy relationship and realizing I can be loved without being controlled. I am brutally honest with you because I can see we relate in some ways and this man you are talking about shows signs of control and mental abuse. I wish you luck and truly hope the best for you but I do see your "relationship" as unhealthy.
    avadot's Avatar
    avadot Posts: 29, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #24

    Dec 3, 2012, 04:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by gloade View Post
    I would just leave the past behind you. Whatever money you lent him consider it gone. I don't want to come across as mean or heartless but I myself have been through relationships of abusers (physical, mental, and emotional) and everytime I would leave one I would find another. It was a very repeatitive cycle and I always thought it was my fault or something I was doing wrong to deserve their behavior. I thought I could make them love me and I was convinced I loved them. I saw all he good in them which made me want to help them more but in the end I realized it was not love it was control and abuse that I did not love myself. I will say I am very fortunate now I have met the most wonderful man who treats me with respect. We are married and he is my rock. I still struggle to this day to realize my worth and that I can hold my head high and enjoy life. I am fortunate he is so supportive and patient. I still see a psychologist so that I know how to keep going forward maintaining a healthy relationship and realizing I can be loved without being controlled. I am brutally honest with you because I can see we relate in some ways and this man you are talking about shows signs of controll and mental abuse. I wish you luck and truly hope the best for you but I do see your "relationship" as unhealthy.
    Thank you for you help and advice I will take it on board.
    I am gong to leave all contact and see if he gets in touch if he does I will change my ways and not let hime control me. If he dosne't like it well that is that he wasn't worth all the bother I have had.

    Kind Regards

    Jean
    avadot's Avatar
    avadot Posts: 29, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #25

    Dec 3, 2012, 04:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    You have allowed yourself to get hung up on a man that does not treat you so kindly and this has only been a 4 month relationship. He is a middle aged man, not a teen. He is not going to change and you need to nit waste anymore time on him, or at least stop chasing him. If he wants you, let him chase you. You are acting like a middle aged desperate woman.
    Leave him alone.
    Thank you

    I am sounding like a middle aged desperate woman but I am not. I have been on my own for 6yrs and was happy like I was until he came into my life.

    I will take what you said on board and leave it and see if he gets in touch if he does then I will contact him when I feel like it and won't be so silly again. If he dosen't like it then he goes out the door for good.

    Kind Regards

    Jean
    avadot's Avatar
    avadot Posts: 29, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #26

    Dec 28, 2012, 04:35 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by gloade View Post
    He has given you a straight answer but you don't want to see it. He is only using you. Of course he is dating or looking for other people to use. You do not love this man you just do not want to be rejected. What human does? It is not you, he just doesn't want you. Plain and simple. He only wants you when it is convenient for him and he knows how to reel you in. I would stop messaging this man through text, email ect. Just let him go. Do you ever notice when you leave him alone he comes running back? Again the feeling of being rejected. You are feeding off of each other to feel needed and so on.For your sake leave this behind you without giving him an answer why. He is not worthy and you are still playing the game if you keep messaging him. End this for good. In fact block him if you can and move on. Sorry to sound harsh but this is the truth. If you keep doing this you are just hurting yourself more and more and you will never gain anything out of it.
    Just to let you know I have well and truly got rid of this man.
    He came back to me saying he missed me when I told him I didn't want anything more to do with him. He asked if we could start afresh.
    I had already a xmas pressie for him and he came over to see me xmas eve with a card for me. However when I opened it is said to a Special Friend.

    I asked him what he meant and he said he wanted to start afresh?
    He then said I know but I meant as friends and friends without any intimacy at all.
    I told him no-way was I agreeing to that and he got very upset and sat quiet for 10mins. I said for him to go and he took his pressies and the lovely card I got him and said he would be in touch.

    He hasn't and 4 days have passed and he hasn't had the deceny to contact me to say thank you for the gifts.

    So I have told him I know what he is up to and has lied,cheated used and played me and not to contact me again and to stay away.

    I should have done this 4 weeks ago but he was so very apologetic and came to me saying he really missed me but now I know that there was no one else on the scene then but obviously there must be now. I do feel such a fool now and should never let him walk away with all the things I had wrapped up for him for xmas after he came and said to be friends or I would get hurt. (that is obviously because he just wants to have one woman after another) and hasn't even got any money to take these women out as he has no money and not working, so they must also be taken in by him too?

    I feel he will leave it a while and try and get back in touch but I hope not.

    Thank you for you advice I should have took it earlier.

    Jean
    gloade's Avatar
    gloade Posts: 9, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #27

    Dec 28, 2012, 04:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by avadot View Post
    Just to let you know I have well and truly got rid of this man.
    He came back to me saying he missed me when I told him I didn't want anything more to do with him. He asked if we could start afresh.
    I had already a xmas pressie for him and he came over to see me xmas eve with a card for me. However when I opened it is said to a Special Friend.

    I asked him what he meant and he said he wanted to start afresh?
    He then said I know but I meant as friends and friends without any intimacy at all.
    I told him no-way was I agreeing to that and he got very upset and sat quiet for 10mins. I said for him to go and he took his pressies and the lovely card I got him and said he would be in touch.

    He hasn't and 4 days have passed and he hasn't had the deceny to contact me to say thank you for the gifts.

    So I have told him I know what he is up to and has lied,cheated used and played me and not to contact me again and to stay away.

    I should have done this 4 weeks ago but he was so very apologetic and came to me saying he really missed me but now I know that there was no one else on the scene then but obviously there must be now. I do feel such a fool now and should never let him walk away with all the things I had wrapped up for him for xmas after he came and said to be friends or I would get hurt. (that is obviously because he just wants to have one woman after another) and hasn't even got any money to take these women out as he has no money and not working, so they must also be taken in by him too?

    I feel he will leave it a while and try and get back in touch but I hope not.

    Thankyou for you advice I should have took it earlier.

    Jean
    Good luck and happy holidays :-)

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Relationship Problem [ 3 Answers ]

I've been with my fiancé going on three years now, and we have a beautiful baby girl, and a house. He has had relationship problems in the past where he was cheated on and was hurt really bad by that. So he says he's ready to settle and get married but yet he keeps putting it off. Why is this??...

Relationship problem. [ 2 Answers ]

I been in a serious relationship with a woman for four years an been married a year all we do is fight and argue I'm really starting to believe that she hates. Me she don't believe I'm in love with her and I really think it's the other way, so she start the fights to make it like I'm the bad...

Serious relationship problem HELP [ 3 Answers ]

I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for now 1 year and as most relationships start, it was AMAZING, but we've had so many problems, he's lied cheated lied lied lied cheated lied... you get the pattern.. and I will admit I haven't always been the best girlfriend.. I cheated on him in September...

Relationship problem [ 7 Answers ]

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread I have a problem that I like a guy in my class and I know that he don't like me back and he don't want to be my best friend he always chit chatting with some of the other girls of the class he don't give much...

Relationship problem please help! [ 2 Answers ]

Me and my girlfriend had a terrible start we kept breaking up cause she talked about other guys saying he's so sweet he's cute she even hit on my friend I got mad and lost it we stopped datein for 3 months so I was completely over her and she gets my number calls me and I say what the you want...


View more questions Search