[A_2012]

My mom is really overweight. She doesn't exercise. She is sitting all day. She skips breakfast and eats full meals after midnight everyday (thick pasta, heavy meat, lots of rice, ice cream, chocolate etc) Every time I ask her about it she says she's triying her best to lose weight. I tell her that if she wants to lose weight she needs to exercise and eat healthier and stop overeating at nights! But instead of listening to my helpful advice, she insists that the way she eats is fine and that it has no effect on her weight. I have tried to explain to her how her lifestyle affects her weight but she is just so stubborn. Is she blind? Does she not see how fat she is and how much weight she needs to lose??

I don't mean to judge her but she just doesn't realise that she needs to make changes in her life. I love her but I cannot stand her carelessness anymore.

I try to make her understand how this hurts me and how I want her to be healthy so that she can live longer and so that I can have more time with her and so she can meet her grandchildren one day before having a heart attack from all the useless fat she eats everyday.

She just doesn't understand how I feel, she thinks I hate her cause she's fat and that I'm just ashamed of her and of her being my mom.

She can't find a job because she says she can't stand up all day because her legs hurt and so she just sits around all day and waits for a miracle. I tell her that if she lost a bit of weight maybe her legs wouldn't hurt her as much but she insists once again that her weight has nothing to do with her leg pain.

Other than that, ever since my dad left her, all she does is cry and be sad.. ITS BEEN 5 YEARS ALREADY.. and she just talks about him leaving her every chance she gets. I cannot talk with her for 5 minutes without her getting mad or upset at me for something I say. She never listens to me even though I know what's best for her.

Apparently the doctor prescribed her some anti depressant pills, but I don't want her to take them because they have weight gain as a side-effect. Are you kidding me? What is wrong with her doctor? As if she wasn't obese enough!

I don't know what to do anymore, I really need some help because I can't handle this anymore on my own. I am getting married next year and I feel horrible leaving her alone when I move out but I need to focus on my own life and I just wish she could take better care of herself and stop mopping around all day.

I need advice on what to do please someone help me.

[Wondergirl]

First of all, back off and stop lecturing her. In actuality, you are probably just pushing her to eat more in her unhappiness.

Now, is there a way to help her celebrate your father's life with her, the good times, and to make his life a positive thing and to give her some joy? Can you plant a tree with her or write some stories about him with her, or plant a memory garden with her input or help?

[smearcase]

You disagree with the Dr.'s diagnosis of depression because of your opinion on the side effects of the medication? Does she take the medication or not?

[A_2012]

First of all, back off and stop lecturing her. In actuality, you are probably just pushing her to eat more in her unhappiness.

Now, is there a way to help her celebrate your father's life with her, the good times, and to make his life a positive thing and to give her some joy? Can you plant a tree with her or write some stories about him with her, or plant a memory garden with her input or help?

Thanks for your input, I will try to back off as you said, but I am really scared about her health. I couldn't care less what she looks like but thinking about how many years she is cutting off from her life because of her poor lifestyle choices is what hurt me.

Also, my dad didn't pass away or anything, he just divorced her, and she somehow blames me for not begging him to stay with her. (I was 18 when he decided to divorce her, and according to her, if I had asked him to stay to make me happy, he would have because I'm his only daughter.)

Now as I mentionned earlier, I am willing to back off and not bother her about this, but what can I do to help her get over my dad, not cry everyday, and loose some weight to become more healthy, because no matter what I do love her and what to keep her in my life as long as possible.

[A_2012]

You disagree with the Dr.'s diagnosis of depression because of your opinion on the side effects of the medication? Does she take the medication or not?

I'm not disagreeing with the doctor's diagnosis, its just that it doesn't make sense to prescribe her a pill that as a number one side affect includes tremendous weight gain when she is already obese. When I say she is fat, I don't mean that she could lose 10 pounds, I mean she needs to lose like 100 pounds. (And again, I am not judging her looks, I am just concerned about her health.

[Wondergirl]

I'm not disagreeing with the doctor's diagnosis, its just that it doesn't make sense to prescribe her a pill that as a number one side affect includes tremendous weight gain when she is already obese. When i say she is fat, i don't mean that she could lose 10 pounds, I mean she needs to lose like 100 pounds. (And again, i am not judging her looks, i am just concerned about her health.

So you are keeping her meds away from her? Have you talked with the doctor about a different med?