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DD25 · Oct 12, 2012, 01:22 PM

I have been with my partner for 15 years. Been a little rocky along the way and have split up and got back together many times. We don't live together, I have 3 sons and he has a son and down syndrome daughter that live with him.

10 weeks ago after an argument he said he didn't want to see me anymore. I thought it would blow over like the other times, but it hasn't he says he doesn't want to see me anymore and to have no contact at all. I have tried to talk to him but he tells me to move on. I took him on a cruise in May for his 50th birthday and looking back I can see he wasn't happy then. He tells me he has been thinking about this for a while.

Since we have split up he has been internet dating and I have seen him out with a woman. I still love him very much and it hurts me a lot to think of him with another woman. It looks from the outside he is doing OK. Can he move on that quick and get over me? Do you think he will be back?

15 years is along time, its so hard :(

Homegirl 50 · Oct 12, 2012, 01:28 PM

Maybe he met this woman before he broke up with you, which is why he broke up with you, but why would you want him back? 15 years, how old are your kids? How far was this relationship left to go?
I think you need to accept that he is gone and begin steps to move on with your life. Maybe your relationship became complacent and boring. 15 years is a long time to date someone.

DD25 · Oct 12, 2012, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Maybe he met this woman before he broke up with you, which is why he broke up with you, but why would you want him back? 15 years, how old are your kids? How far was this relationship left to go?
I think you need to accept that he is gone and begin steps to move on with your life. Maybe your relationship became complacent and boring. 15 years is a long time to date someone.

My children are 26,22, and 20 don't all live at home. I have helped look after his daughter since she was 7 and I miss her too. He says he is looking for new adventures in his life. He turned 50 this year and really wasn't looking forward to it. I don't think this women was around before but I can't be sure. But I went round just after we split up and there was a different women there and he told me he was internet dating and since her he has meet the one he is with now. Yes I think 15 years you do kind of get boring but I still love him. Do u think he will be sorry ?

Can anyone tell me any stories where their partner decided to come back and how long did it take?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 12, 2012, 02:21 PM

He may get bored with his freedom and dating and come back because he knows you are there, but do you really want to hang around and be his back up?
When a person leaves and says they don't want to be with you anymore and starts dating right away, they rarely come back. If they do, it may be for a quick minute but things are not the same and they leave again.

DD25 · Oct 12, 2012, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He may get bored with his freedom and dating and come back because he knows you are there, but do you really want to hang around and be his back up?
When a person leaves and says they don't want to be with you anymore and starts dating right away, they rarely come back. If they do, it may be for a quick minute but things are not the same and they leave again.

But some people say that if they date straight away it more likely to be a rebound relationship. I just think he is looking for something that is not there. Some might say a mid life crises. Do you think at least he might contact me at some stage. My God after 15 years he surely just can't forget me can he ?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 12, 2012, 02:43 PM

He might contact you eventually, maybe he will realize how silly he is behaving, but do you want to be an option?
So are you saying you are just going to wait around with hopes that he will come back and you will gladly take him back?
Why have you guys dated for 15 years? Has marriage never been an option or a desire for either of you?

DD25 · Oct 13, 2012, 04:35 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He might contact you eventually, maybe he will realize how silly he is behaving, but do you want to be an option?
So are you saying you are just going to wait around with hopes that he will come back and you will gladly take him back?
Why have you guys dated for 15 years? Has marriage never been an option or a desire for either of you?

Well he has asked me to marry him a few times but it wasn't something I wanted to do. As we both have children living at home. He has been married twice already. But is it still early days (10 weeks and already internet dating someone) could he be sorry? I hurts so much when I think of him with someone else. I trusted him in our relationship but he has said to me I don't want to sit at home on my own. He has told me don't ring don't come round and has told his mum not to mention my name. He deleted all pictures of me on fb. He told me he was going to delete me on fb many times so I thought I am going to do it first because I didn't want the hurt. So deleted him about a week ago. Am I looking at someone who really doesn't want to be with me anymore?? Or do situations like this change round?? Its hurts so much :(

Homegirl 50 · Oct 13, 2012, 06:56 AM

It has been 10 weeks, he may be gone. Did you guys have other problems? When is the last time he asked you to marry him? Your children may be at home, but they are grown.
15 years is a long time. If he had deleted you from everything he is wanting to move on. I suggest you do the same thing. You are not old, your children are grown, you can be doing things with your life.

DD25 · Oct 13, 2012, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It has been 10 weeks, he may be gone. Did you guys have other problems? When is the last time he asked you to marry him? Your children may be at home, but they are grown.
15 years is a long time. If he had deleted you from everything he is wanting to move on. I suggest you do the same thing. You are not old, your children are grown, you can be doing things with your life.

Even though it has been 10 weeks we have had some contact. He took me out on my birthday (25th sept) for a meal but told me its for your birthday and its not to get back together. So you think I should move on... not easy

He asked me about 4 yrs ago. But he did want me to move in but was hard.He doesn't own his own house I do. He has his 2 children with him 22 and 21. I have mine from time to time in between university. I work he doesn't, because he is his daughters carer. Lots of things going on for us. But maybe we would have been able to do that one day.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 13, 2012, 07:36 AM

I would imagine it is not easy, I know it's not, but you need to move on. It will help if you have no more contact.
I wish you well.

DD25 · Oct 13, 2012, 07:44 AM

Yes I know you are right. Even as I am talking to you I am thinking I would like to ring him. But it has to come from him otherwise it will never work. I will just have to wait and see what the future holds. Thanks for you advice

Homegirl 50 · Oct 13, 2012, 07:57 AM

You need to do something with your life as well. Please don't sit around waiting for him.
You are better and deserve better.
We are here if you need a pep talk.

talaniman · Oct 13, 2012, 02:06 PM

I think it will take you longer than 10 weeks toaccept this change in your life after being with some one so long. Healing is never an easy process but friends, family and activities can help you until you can accept it. I think you are still in a bit of shock.

Sorry for your loss and good luck.