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Teaching · Mar 18, 2007, 02:35 AM

Sometimes doing something for others helps a lot too - volunteering somewhere!

Shawk · Mar 18, 2007, 02:58 AM

Originally Posted by wontbez

Since my breakup the evenings have been pretty rough, we used to be together all the time, now the evenings are very lonely, I hang out with friends and am busy during the day but the evenings are when we used to read together or talk about things and I guess I’m missing that. Any tips to get past it or is it something I’ll just have to deal with until I find the right person?

Music and working out worked for me.

katrina jane higgo · Mar 18, 2007, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by wontbez

Since my breakup the evenings have been pretty rough, we used to be together all the time, now the evenings are very lonely, I hang out with friends and am busy during the day but the evenings are when we used to read together or talk about things and I guess I’m missing that. Any tips to get past it or is it something I’ll just have to deal with until I find the right person?

Babe everything is going to be OK.. I know it doesn't feel like it now but in time you will get used to your own company again.. try and love yourself and spending time with yourself again... every cloud has a silver lining and before you know it the sun will shine again in your life... don't worry babe.. everything happens for a areason and it will make you stronger.. be gentle with yourself and just feed your soul with encouraging positive books.. the power of positive thinking by neile peck changed my life..
Love and hugs

katrina jane higgo · Mar 18, 2007, 08:25 AM

Neile vincent peck..

wontbez · Mar 18, 2007, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by katrina jane higgo

babe everything is going to be ok .. i know it doesnt feel like it now but in time u will get used to ur own company again .. try and love urself and spending time with urself again ... every cloud has a silver lining and before u know it the sun will shine again in ur life... dont worry babe.. everything happens for a areason and it will make u stronger .. be gentle with urself and jsut feed ur soul with encouraging positive books.. the power of positive thinking by neile peck changed my life..
love and hugs

Thanks for your kind words!

wontbez · Apr 2, 2007, 06:09 PM

I find myself doing this during the day, I'll go over a speech in my head that I would say to my EX if I were to talk to her, each time it's a different topic but mostly relating to the breakup. I usually end up trying to prove a point to myself and the whole thing ends up being silly. I don't think this kind of inner diallage is very helpful and I keep having to remind myself that I have better things to think about.

Just curious if anyone else is having the same problem and anything they've done to help?

Thanks!

LBP · Apr 2, 2007, 06:22 PM

I've done the same thing MANY times... It doesn't really serve a purpose except for to hold you back. You can do many other things with your time, I'm guessing.

Yet it's not something you can stop... Especially if you really cared about the person. If it makes you feel better, by breaking up and not talking to you they really think they are doing you a favor - that shows they care, at least to an extent, doesn't it? You'll move on with time, my friend. I have the utmost confidence and hopes for your endeavors!

wontbez · Apr 2, 2007, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by LBP

I've done the same thing MANY times... It doesn't really serve a purpose except for to hold you back. You can do many other things with your time, I'm guessing.

Yet it's not something you can stop... Especially if you really cared about the person. If it makes you feel better, by breaking up and not talking to you they really think they are doing you a favor - that shows they care, at least to an extent, doesn't it? You'll move on with time, my friend. I have the utmost confidence and hopes for your endeavors!

Thank you! And best of luck to you as well

spiraljane23 · Apr 2, 2007, 06:49 PM

I've done this, I think I did it because I was very angry at my ex and instead of starting an argument with him that I knew would go nowhere, I rehearsed it in the car and I usually felt better by the time I was done. I think people do this to release some of their angers, even though it may look silly and crazy, it's a way to cope with things that are out of our control.

wontbez · Apr 9, 2007, 12:31 AM

This was dumb on my part, I should have never typed her name in the search. I know she loves to write poems (it's just one of the many things I came to love) so I typed her name in the search and found this one she wrote. poem she wrote

The seven letters are the seven emails I sent after the S*** hit the fan. I really don't know what to make of all this, reading this brings back a lot of pain that I was just starting to get behind me. I can only assume that she did love me but it wasn't enough and she needed to be with the person that was more secure financially?

She's going to get her distance though, I'm moving to Maryland next month so we'll be many thousands of miles apart. But this poem really has given me mixed emotions. What do you all think?

I'm thinking about writing her and telling her that I'm moving away and I won't dismiss her and she will always be in my heart as well... Any good?

rexdsigns · Apr 9, 2007, 01:52 AM

Don't jump into conclusion that fast... maybe that is just one trait of her ideal man... you, too, for sure has ideal woman... right?. take it easy... she might be your destiny... besides.. it's just money... you can fulfill her dreams... if you really love her... Good Luck!

wontbez · Apr 9, 2007, 03:08 PM

So I was doing good, I haven't had any communication with my Ex in over a month. Then yesterday I find this poem she recently wrote about me and I find out that she took the family to Texas for Spring break which is where the kids father live and who she chose over me. I found out where they went by reading one of the kids myspace page (yes I must be a gluten for pain by doing things like that)

When I saw all of this all those jealous feelings came back and I started thinking about some elaborate way of contacting her. I'm so tired of having to talk myself out of having anything more to do with her AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

I'm moving to the other side of the country next month, I'll be close to family and maybe it will get easier. For now I've managed to talk myself out of contacting her I just don't know if I could handle her saying something horrible right now and I'ts probably an 80% chance that that's exactly what would happen and then I'd be right back where I started.

What is it about people that they know someone isn't right for them but yet they can't seem to let go? Maybe I just need a hug :)

chuff · Apr 9, 2007, 03:32 PM

Some where in your post you forgot about this...

Originally Posted by wontbez

So I was doing good, I haven't had any communication with my Ex in over a month.

So you had an emotional relapse ( I just made that phrase up, I think I'm going to use it more often) that's okay. You've got to give yourself some credit. Your focused is on the poem and myspace page when it should be on the month you did without her. For that I say congratulations. That's progress and that's where you should put your focus. So now you've had that emotional relapse accept it and tell yourself that you can move on another month. Funny thing is, in another month it will be easier to not go back and look at myspace or reading the poems. In fact throw the poem out and if their still friends, remove them from myspace. Other than that be proud of yourself that you went a month, and do it again.

femalecasanova · Apr 22, 2007, 10:27 PM

You will have to go out and meet someone new and make yourself some new memories. Just tell yourself that it is not your fault. If you feel that you did nothing wrong to end the relationship then it was all her fault so therefore it is her lost. Move on! Live and be happy!

wontbez · Apr 23, 2007, 02:23 AM

I wrote this letter tonight, it came straight from the heart. What do you guys think?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was doing some packing (moving to Maryland next month), I found a picture of you and it completely took my breath away, you're absolutely beautiful! I don't think I'll ever understand why some things happen, but I'll always know that for the time we had I was the luckiest man in the world.

I told my therapist I was thinking about letting you know I was moving. He warned me that your response be it loving or hateful would probably bring up a lot of pain and sadness that I'm just starting to put behind me. I've been through just about every emotional stage these past few months from Jealousy to sadness to anger and finally peace, so he's probably right in that I'm still a little emotionally unstable (aren't we all). This email isn't designed to induce a response but I've turned off my filter so I'll be getting your emails, I decided either way I'm at a point now where I know I'll be able to handle it.

I bet If you saw me standing next to a busy intersection you'd probably want to push me in, can't say I'd blame you. I've apologized 1000 times for that night, to you and anyone that will listen, I'm so sorry. I'd also like to apologize for the things that happened after that night up until the last email I sent, what a nightmare of events for everyone involved and I'm very very sorry. My therapist convinced me and I believe that as long as you're still married we probably wouldn't be able to have any type of friendship, which is why I sent you the last email. I realized though that it doesn't mean I have to see you as my enemy and if you ever need to just talk I'll always be there to listen, judgment free.

With all that said, there are a few house keeping items I wanted to go over:

I think my ----- was shipped to your house. I'm sorry about that, I didn't change the address because I thought I had canceled it but it appears I scheduled the shipments every 16 weeks, so it should have been recently. If it does arrive please keep it for Dee, it's no big deal.

I believe I left my poker chips in the closet downstairs. You can give them to Justin, I'm sure he'd like them.

I know I owe you about 3k. I promise that even if it takes me 10 years I will pay you back.

I don't have my new Maryland number yet, but I'll try to remember to send you another email when I get it in case you ever want to call me.

I hope the kids are doing great I've missed them a lot. I hope the dogs are doing just OK, I don't miss them as much :) maybe just druango!

Sincerely
--------

talaniman · Apr 23, 2007, 06:06 AM

You wrote it now tear it up and don't send it. An do not give him your new number after you move. Its for the best you just disappear from his life. Forget the money the dogs and the kids. Don't be a glutton for more misery and pain.

Capuchin · Apr 23, 2007, 06:11 AM

I agree with talaniman, this move should be a new beginning for you, a new chapter in your life, a chance to leave it all behind. I completely understand you wanting to hold onto that sliver of hope that everything will turn out in the end, but using this move as an excuse to get in touch just shows that you are not ready for that.

Use the move as a platform to start the rest of your life. The letter was a good idea, to get it out of your system, but there's no reason for your ex to read it. Delete it.

I hope you consider what we're saying. Good luck!

wontbez · Apr 23, 2007, 12:58 PM

I agree with talaniman, this move should be a new beginning for you, a new chapter in your life, a chance to leave it all behind. I completely understand you wanting to hold onto that sliver of hope that everything will turn out in the end, but using this move as an excuse to get in touch just shows that you are not ready for that.

Use the move as a platform to start the rest of your life. The letter was a good idea, to get it out of your system, but there's no reason for your ex to read it. Delete it.

Originally Posted by Capuchin

I hope you consider what we're saying. Good luck!

I do, thank you. After sleeping on it I'm not going to send it. It was my emotional side that led me to write it, and it was my logical side that said post it here instead of sending it to her. I'm going to start listening to my logical side a bit more.

Thanks!

wontbez · Apr 30, 2007, 06:43 PM

I'm pretty happy with myself, it's been very hard at times and the temptation has almost gotten to me.

Now that it's been 2 months which I'll agree isn't all that long, I'm at a point where if I contact her I don't think I'd expect anything from her in return. I'm not 100% on this but probably 90%

My question is, since I'm the type of person that hates to leave bridges burned and right now it's going up in smoke, I'd like to send her a note that lets her know I'm moving on but I don't hate her and in the future perhaps we could be friends. What do you think?

Thanks!

sypher373 · Apr 30, 2007, 07:49 PM

That sounds like a question that only you can answer...

You're the only one that knows how you feel inside, and knows how you will react to whatever happens.

If think you can contact her, with no expectations of anything in return, I don't see any reason not to. Just be prepared for anything that may happen. Im sure after that progress, the last thing you want is to regress...