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Colleen423 · Aug 13, 2012, 10:00 PM

Ok to start I just want to say that I'm very close to my dad, but he is way to overprotective. I've only been out with a friend once and that was in kindergarten. I've never had a sleep over, I can't go out with friends and if I do he has to be there, so I just don't bother, he always has something bad to say about weight which I weight only 123 pounds, I can have a boyfriend and he doesn't like me talking to boys so whenever he sees me I'm always with my group of besties but even that has raised problems for me because he has seen me hug my friends good bye and accused me of being GAY like what the *** U DON'T WANT ME TALKING TO GUY, U DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND U ACCUSE ME of being gay?? He won't even let me out of the house, he's never let me out the house unless I'm going to school. I'm always getting yelled at for stupid little things, although being yield at is better then getting a beating. And when it comes to school he's always on my back. I've never really done anything for my dad to be so overprotective, I don't do drugs, smoke, or drink the only thing that I've done bad was have a boyfriend behind his back but other than that that's it.

My mom is disabled and he has to do everything for her. I do a lot for her as well and it's stressful and with that stress and school stress and friend and boyfriend stress it just too much I feel trapped and I feel like I'm going to lose it because talking to my dad is like talking to a wall he'll sit there but he won't here me out

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

joypulv · Aug 13, 2012, 11:00 PM

Hi Colleen, you forgot to tell us how old you are.
I'm sorry about your situation, but it isn't as bad as many we hear about here. I realize that is not much consolation, but as you say, he doesn't hit you. I'm sure many responders here will have good advice after we find out your age. Maybe it's actually possible to have a real talk with your dad now that you are old enough to speak intelligently and thoughtfully about your views on boys and dating, the values that your parents taught you, and that hopefully you will be allowed to prove to him that you took to heart what he and your mother taught you.

Pleindamour · Aug 14, 2012, 02:49 AM

Wow I'm so sorry! Have you considered family therapy? Your dad obviously loves you very much and is having a hard time since I'm guessing he's the one raising you mostly. Maybe try talking to him again or even writing a letter!

Whatever you do, respond don't react because if you lose your cool things could go downhill. You want to show you are a mature responsible individual who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

Goodluck <3

Fr_Chuck · Aug 14, 2012, 06:15 AM

Big difference if you are 13 or if you are 17.

Colleen423 · Aug 14, 2012, 05:46 PM

Thank you for the advice and I'm 16 soon to be 17
And it hard talking to my dad because he might take it personally

Colleen423 · Aug 14, 2012, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Hi Colleen, you forgot to tell us how old you are.
I'm sorry about your situation, but it isn't as bad as many we hear about here. I realize that is not much consolation, but as you say, he doesn't hit you. I'm sure many responders here will have good advice after we find out your age. Maybe it's actually possible to have a real talk with your dad now that you are old enough to speak intelligently and thoughtfully about your views on boys and dating, the values that your parents taught you, and that hopefully you will be allowed to prove to him that you took to heart what he and your mother taught you.

I'm 16 soon to be 17

Colleen423 · Aug 14, 2012, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Hi Colleen, you forgot to tell us how old you are.
I'm sorry about your situation, but it isn't as bad as many we hear about here. I realize that is not much consolation, but as you say, he doesn't hit you. I'm sure many responders here will have good advice after we find out your age. Maybe it's actually possible to have a real talk with your dad now that you are old enough to speak intelligently and thoughtfully about your views on boys and dating, the values that your parents taught you, and that hopefully you will be allowed to prove to him that you took to heart what he and your mother taught you.

Thank you for the Advice and I'm 16 soon to be 17

Colleen423 · Aug 14, 2012, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Big difference if you are 13 or if you are 17.

Yes it is it didn't really bug me back the but now I'm 16 soon to be 17 so I don't know what to do

joypulv · Aug 14, 2012, 05:59 PM

I'm not sure what you mean by your dad taking it personally. It is personal, and how he takes it will depend a lot on how you talk about it. 16 is old enough to start making some almost-adult decisions. One way to talk to a parent is to tell them how much you have learned from them about life and how by 16 many of your values are formed and need to have testing and practice, so that you don't go out into the world after high school totally unprepared. Remind him how much you take care of your mother. If he is afraid of losing you after 18 and not having your help with your mother, you can all talk about it in a year. You shouldn't have to be kept at home.

Colleen423 · Aug 14, 2012, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm not sure what you mean by your dad taking it personally. It is personal, and how he takes it will depend a lot on how you talk about it. 16 is old enough to start making some almost-adult decisions. One way to talk to a parent is to tell them how much you have learned from them about life and how by 16 many of your values are formed and need to have testing and practice, so that you don't go out into the world after high school totally unprepared. Remind him how much you take care of your mother. If he is afraid of losing you after 18 and not having your help with your mother, you can all talk about it in a year. You shouldn't have to be kept at home.

How should I approach this talk with my dad?

joypulv · Aug 15, 2012, 06:17 AM

Ask him for a day and time in the next 3 days when you can have a very important talk with him that will take a while, at least half an hour, so that there are no distractions.

JudyKayTee · Aug 15, 2012, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by Colleen423

... And when it comes to school he's always on my back. I've never really done anything for my dad to be so overprotective, I don't do drugs, smoke, or drink the only thing that I've done bad was have a boyfriend behind his back but other than that that's it.

My mom is disabled and he has to do everything for her. I do a lot for her as well and it's stressful and with that stress and school stress and friend and boyfriend stress it just to much I feel trapped and I feel like I'm going to lose it because talking to my dad is like talking to a wall he'll sit there but he wont here me out

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

How are your marks? If you're straight A's he shouldn't be "on your back."

I agree - you have to sit down and talk to him. You also have to realize there's another side to this story. It is not easy being the caretaker for a totally disabled person, not easy at all. He has his own stresses and concerns. I'm not saying he should take his problems out on you, but I am saying he is also stressed out. You will go to College, move out, get married - but this is his permanent life. I am guessing he works and also cares for your mother - or am I wrong?

This concerned me - "the only thing that I've done bad was have a boyfriend behind his back but other than that that's it." So you did go behind his back?

Colleen423 · Aug 15, 2012, 06:46 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

How are your marks? If you're straight A's he shouldn't be "on your back."

I agree - you have to sit down and talk to him. You also have to realize there's another side to this story. It is not easy being the caretaker for a totally disabled person, not easy at all. He has his own stresses and concerns. I'm not saying he should take his problems out on you, but I am saying he is also stressed out. You will go to College, move out, get married - but this is his permanent life. I am guessing he works and also cares for your mother - or am I wrong?

This concerned me - "the only thing that I've done bad was have a boyfriend behind his back but other than that that's it." So you did go behind his back?

I'm an A B student which isn't that bad I don't think but he always wants better which is understandable
And the boyfriend thing is a yes and no question he told me that it OK if I have one but the only time I would ever see him it would be in school and that he wouldn't be having some boy calling the house to talk to me or coming to pick me up to go out and things like that. And that's not just boys that goes really all my friends which I find kind of ridicules because he keeps me in the house unless he's with me or I'm at school or something school related

JudyKayTee · Aug 16, 2012, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by Colleen423

I'm an A B student which isn't that bad i don't think but he always wants better which is understandable
And the boyfriend thing is a yes and no question he told me that it ok if I have one but the only time I would ever see him it would be in school and that he wouldn't be having some boy calling the house to talk to me or coming to pick me up to go out and things like that. And thats not just boys that goes really all my friends which I find kinda ridicules because he keeps me in the house unless he's with me or I'm at school or something school related

Has your father always been like this, did he change, did something cause him to change? He sounds (minimally) very over protective.

Colleen423 · Sep 7, 2012, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Has your father always been like this, did he change, did something cause him to change? He sounds (minimally) very over protective.

No he's always been overprotective I don't know why but ik it's starting to kill me because if I'm not at school he's there with me I can't go anywhere without him or someone in the close part of my family. I'm 16 going on 17 and he still treats me like a freakin 5 year old but when it comes to helping out with my mom is a different story. I feel really really trapped.
I need a brake from my family

JudyKayTee · Sep 8, 2012, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by Colleen423

No he's always been overprotective idk y but ik it's starting to kill me because if I'm not at school he's there with me I can't go anywhere without him or someone in the close part of my family. I'm 16 going on 17 and he still treats me like a freakin 5 year old but when it comes to helping out with my mom is a different story. I feel really really trapped.
I need a brake from my family

I'm frank, and here's my concern. The text speak and "brake" make me wonder just how good a student you are -

That doesn't, of course, lessen your problem. It's just an observation. Have you spoken to someone, perhaps a counsellor, at school? A clergyperson? A relative?

Perhaps someone much closer to the situation then "we" are will see something we are missing.

I wonder if he's just overwhelmed with worry or responsibility because of your Mom, and so he's misdirecting those feelings and taking them out on you - ? Is that possible?

Colleen423 · Sep 9, 2012, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm frank, and here's my concern. The text speak and "brake" make me wonder just how good a student you are -

That doesn't, of course, lessen your problem. It's just an observation. Have you spoken to someone, perhaps a counsellor, at school? A clergyperson? A relative?

Perhaps someone much closer to the situation then "we" are will see something we are missing.

I wonder if he's just overwhelmed with worry or responsibility because of your Mom, and so he's misdirecting those feelings and taking them out on you - ? Is that possible?

The text speak I can't really help because I'm on my phone
And as for my grades, all I'm going to say is how good do they have to be to be invited in to the scholars society?
And the misdirecting feelings is a really big possibility.
But if that's want really going on then what can I do to get him to stop or at least loosen up some?