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Rabiadan · Jul 18, 2009, 05:22 PM

I am 19 years old and I am a christian.I'm not a bad girl at all.I always try to obey my mom.I go to church most of the time,I don't drink ,do drugs or have bad friends.My mom is so overprotective of me.I frequently go to church and prayer meetings and stuff like that and sometimes I come home late,I always make sure to call and tell her that I'm going to be there until such time.Yet still when I arrive home she wants to hurt me and makes a big deal of things.She curses and swears and says bad stuff that hurt me.She is always angry and wants to control my every move and I'm sick of it.She is driving me away from her more and more.She doesn't know how to talk to people,she always talks before she thinks and its not hurting only me but my brother and my stepfather.How do I deal with this?

0EntitY · Jul 18, 2009, 05:44 PM

At 19 it's time to move on and make a future for yourself. I bet you even though that too...

Rabiadan · Jul 18, 2009, 06:09 PM

I can't move on, its not like that.I can't move out for various reasons.All I need is a way to work around this.

justcurious55 · Jul 18, 2009, 06:27 PM

You keep putting up with it until you are able to move out then. Her house, her rules. You're old enough now that you don't have to stay.

Gemini54 · Jul 20, 2009, 01:29 AM

I would ignore her.

When she starts to rant and carry on, just leave the room and go to your room. Don't look at her, engage with her or respond. This is what you do with children when they throw tantrums and I think that you should use the same technique.

Continue to let her know where you are and what you're doing, but don't let her bully you. Leave the room immediately when she starts. Don't negotiate or argue with her.

Keep to yourself until she calms down and then don't mention what has happened. Let her deal with the consequences of her behavior. Live your life and don't involve her in your decision making.

Rabiadan · Jul 20, 2009, 04:06 PM

Thank you that seems like it would work.Best answer,Thanks!

0EntitY · Jul 20, 2009, 05:47 PM

I find the best way to get along with someone when you have too.
First find something you like about this person, hair, cooking, etc. Now find something else you like about this person and find another and another until you feel more comfortable being around this person. Next, agree with this person. You really don't have to agree, but fake like you agree. Usually the person will say, no I thought about it and you are right. See you let this person look at the situation without being on the defensive and let this person decide that you are right in this instant. That works much better than arguing...

Rabiadan · Jul 20, 2009, 05:49 PM

Thanks for your answer.

rockie100 · Jul 20, 2009, 06:18 PM

Is there anyway you could seek out some family counseling through your church or mental health clinic?

Rabiadan · Jul 20, 2009, 07:02 PM

Yea I could but I never really thought of it.I guess its worth a try since health care is free here in jamaica.My church is not much use really.Thanks

0EntitY · Jul 20, 2009, 10:19 PM

Sure... It's not an easy situation to be in, but anything that you can do in a positive manner will help lesson the burden. The worst attitude to take is, There is nothing I can do about this. Sure there is. You just have to be smart about it, like asking in here...

Jake2008 · Jul 21, 2009, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by Rabiadan

I am 19 years old and i am a christian.I'm not a bad girl at all.I always try to obey my mom.I go to church most of the time,i dont drink ,do drugs or have bad friends.My mom is so overprotective of me.I frequently go to church and prayer meetings and stuff like that and sometimes i come home late,i always make sure to call and tell her that im going to be there until such time.Yet still when i arrive home she wants to hurt me and makes a big deal of things.She curses and swears and says bad stuff that hurt me.She is always angry and wants to control my every move and im sick of it.She is driving me away from her more and more.She doesnt know how to talk to people,she always talks before she thinks and its not hurting only me but my brother and my stepfather.How do i deal with this?

She obviously doesn't realize how good she has it. Where she should be proud of the person you've become, she's abusive, angry, and I suspect, physical with you.

That her behaviour affects the entire family and is not centered around only you, I think it is safe to say that she has some problems and professional help might be a good answer if she's willing to go.

You cannot change enough to please her, it will never be enough. If your natural father is in the picture, is it possible for you to go and stay with him? Or perhaps an aunt or other relative?

That you are 19 means you will likely be out of the house soon. When you are in control of your own independence, and can call your own shots, then you will be in a position where you can make the choice to just walk away, close the door, hang up the phone. It is next to impossible for you to set behaviour expectations with her while you are living under her roof.

I hope for your sake that leaving is something you are considering in the near future.

jenniepepsi · Jul 21, 2009, 06:25 AM

Sorry gem got to spread the rep aparently.

I agree with gemini. My husbands mother is like that and we ignore her, and it has helped. Granted, it hasn't made it STOP. But we don't have to deal with it on a daily basis anymore.

Good luck hon. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. If you tell me what state your in, and even what city, I can at least get you some links that might be good for you in case of emergency? (mom goes over the top and fights physically)

Rabiadan · Jul 21, 2009, 08:10 PM

Well I live in jamaica so I don't think that the links would help but thank you very much.I guess that jake2008 is right,I really can't expect better from her oh and she won't go to get help.Jamaicans don't take well to the whole counselling idea.Everyone thinks they can do it by themselves.Well you all have been most helpful and ill try my best to work aroung this and get out as quickly as I can.