[Ali Bril]

Where to start? No, I don’t know how girls are, easy to manipulate. Wy don't you tell me how [all] girls are. I have two sisters and a foster sister. I have four stepdaughters. My best friend was raped and then witnessed the rapist killing the second victim - she’s been there and back again. She had to change her name, move from the area, start over because the Police couldn’t find him. Yes, I know how rape "works."

I also have four stepdaughters. Not a one of us is or has been “easy to manipulate,” not at all. Please don’t make blanket statements based on your poor decisions. I also know when any of us didn’t want to have sex we didn’t wrestle around in a guy’s bed. I’m not saying it’s your fault. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have stopped when you said no. I am saying I don’t think his penis fell into your vagina. I’ll explain my position on that at the end of this thread.

I think you were a little girl, a child, playing in an adult arena - and it backfired on you.

He PRESSURED you into fooling around with him? How? Did he pull a gun - again with the gun?

A not yet Attorney (and I don’t know if she was going into law school, waiting for the results of the Bar or 10 years of age with career goals) told you that it was advisable to continue in the relationship with the rapist because you were pregnant with his child and would have to deal with him forever so why not start “dealing with him” now? Sorry, but I don’t mince words. I plain old don’t believe you.

So - you went back to him. Nobody pointed a gun at you.

Okay, so you don’t want to look at a guy who raped you over the next 18 years - well, it appears you are going to. Will he raise your child? If there is some reason you cannot, yes, he will. Will he co-parent your child? Yes, he will. He doesn’t “deserve” rights to “my”/your child. Yes, he does. He’s the father. You don’t want him to get away with what? The rape? You are the person who ALLOWED and ENABLED him.

He either "took advantage of you" because you were young and, apparently stupid OR he raped you. Pick one and stick with it. If he "took advantage" of you, you have minimized the experience of ever.

I didn't say he didn't rape me. He won't admit to it, just that he took advantage. And poor wording on my part but at the high school age, girls believe guys wouldn't do anything to actual hurt them. Never in my life would I have ever that I would be faced with a situation like this. But thanks anyway for being truthful, I guess I can try to think of it from his side. That I was asking for it like you proposed, not like I haven't blamed myself before.

[JudyKayTee]

I never proposed that you were "asking for it." I said you put yourself in a bad position.

Don't turn passive/aggressive on us unless you're a lot smarter and quicker than you appear to be. You twist our words. Makes me believe you twist the situation to fit YOUR story.

What does it mean that you went back to him? You continued to date, no more sex play, no intercourse? After the rape you had an "almost romantic" relationship with him. With your rapist? Weren't you afraid of being raped again? And the Attorney (almost Attorney) who told you to continue the relationship with him? Where is that person today?

I know you never in your life thought you'd be in this situation - that's your problem. You didn't think. Now your big concern is his rights to YOUR daughter. Surprise! It's his daughter, too.

So take him to Court, ask for support, let the Court decide what is the truth and what is not as far as whether either one of you is a fit parent.

[Alty]

Did I say I continued to have sex with him? No. Did I say I didn't struggle? No. So because he didn't beat the crap out of me means he didn't force himself inside of me? And that i wanted it? You are cruel.

Here's why I'm having a problem with this story. You may not have had sex with him after this incident, but you did continue a relationship with him. You said so yourself!

The one time I saw my rapist after I was raped, I almost passed out. I was noticeably distraught. I turned white as a sheet. Even now, 23 years later, I know that if I saw him again, I'd have the same reaction. I can't fathom being in the same room with this man, must less having a relationship with him after what he did to me. But you did. You continued a relationship with him. The rape didn't come up until now, when you're no longer together and you want sole custody of your child.

Again, if you were raped, I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that. But I have doubts. I have doubts because I've been through this, and your story just doesn't make sense. It sounds more like someone that had a relationship, regrets that relationship, regrets that that relationship resulted in a child, and now wants the guy out of the picture.

[Ali Bril]

Words were put into my mouth at some point. I did not continue to have a relationship with him nor did I have sex with him after or before that. I was told to keep things amiable because I would have control over the situation after she was born so if I filed it would make things messy for the child. And I'm sorry I did not act like a typical rape victim.

[Alty]

Words were put into my mouth at some point. I did not continue to have a relationship with him nor did I have sex with him after or before that. I was told to keep things amiable because I would have control over the situation after she was born so if I filed it would make things messy for the child. And I'm sorry I did not act like a typical rape victim.

Words weren't put into your mouth. Here are your exact postings.

Then I ended up keeping a "friendly" relationship and almost romantic relationship

How would charging him or "filing" make things messy for the child? This "lawyer" you went to, how stupid is she? I'm not a legal expert, and even I know that no lawyer, or anyone with any sense, would tell you to have a relationship with the man that raped you for your child's sake. Do you realize how unrealistic that is, but we're supposed to believe it?

This is why I'm not believing your story. It's not only that you didn't act like every rape victim I know, and I know many. Not one of them would even be in the same room as the man that raped them. But you yourself said you continued a relationship. What does "almost romantic" mean?

I myself wouldn't even get close enough to my rapist to spit in his eye. You couldn't pay me to do it.

Your own words are what we're basing our posts on. Sorry, but I'm still not buying any of it, because none of it makes sense.

Bottom line, if you were raped, it's too late. You can't charge him because you can't prove it. If you went to court they'd have the same reaction we did. Disbelief. Like it or not, he's the father of your child. Unless he does something to warrant keeping him out of her life, you're stuck with him. You don't have to see him, but he has the right to see his child.

[JudyKayTee]

No one put words into your mouth - here's what YOU posted: "Then I ended up keeping a "friendly" relationship and almost romantic relationship due to the fact I thought no one would ever want me because he took my virginity and I felt ruined as well as I thought no one would want me because I was having a child"

So - describe a romantic relationship with your rapist for me. The COURT said you were too friendly afterward, so the Court didn't believe you. What exactly was the relationship during your pregnancy? I'm assuming you weren't positive you were pregnant for the first month so you weren't with him but then at some point you found out you were pregnant and resumed the relationship. What is the time frame?

While you are arguing on AMHD who is caring for your child, putting a roof over your head, feeding both of you.

I am waiting for the "romantic relatioship" after rape answer. Otherwise I'm out of here.

I trust you will present a better picture of yourself in Family Court than you have here.

[Alty]

One last question. After he raped you, how long before you continued a "relationship" with him?

When did you see him again? How long after he supposedly raped you?

[JudyKayTee]

We think alike and seconds apart -

[Ali Bril]

We think alike and seconds apart -

I saw him the day after my child was born when he forced his way into the hospital only to be escorted out. I found out that next Friday I was pregnant. And he sent me texts telling me he loved me and that he didn't mean to that turned into I deserved it when I wouldn't accept it was an accident. I didn't rock the boat is what I mean by friendly. Romantic as in he told me how sorry he was and that he just wanted to be the father of my baby

[Alty]

I saw him the day after my child was born when he forced his way into the hospital only to be escorted out. I found out that next Friday I was pregnant. And he sent me texts telling me he loved me and that he didn't mean to that turned into I deserved it when I wouldn't accept it was an accident. I didn't rock the boat is what I mean by friendly. Romantic as in he told me how sorry he was and that he just wanted to be the father of my baby

What? That makes no sense.

You didn't see him again until the day after your child was born? You admitted to maintaining a relationship with him throughout your pregnancy!

Also, you found out a week later that you were pregnant? That's not possible. You wouldn't even be officially "pregnant" a week after you had sex. Definitely not able to confirm pregnancy at that time.

Do you know how pregnancy works? We do!

[JudyKayTee]

You make bad decisions, can't explain yourself and apparently cannot understand your own posts.

Romantic as in he wanted to be the father of your baby? He IS/WAS the father of your baby. I see nothing romantic in that.

I hope you have a chance to continue your education - otherwise you and your child are going to be products of the system, as will her children and her children's children.

You are stumbling all over your own words.

I'm out of here.

[Ali Bril]

Thank you for everyone's advice.

[Ali Bril]

If I wanted to be ripped to pieces and told how wrong my decisions were, I would have let the defense attorney have a shot at me.

[Alty]

If I wanted to be ripped to pieces and told how wrong my decisions were, I would have let the defense attorney have a shot at me.

None of what you've posted rings true.

The last lie, and I know it was a lie, was the last straw.

There's no way that you could have confirmed pregnancy a week, or less, after you had sex. It's not biologically possible. You already lost me before that, but that put the final nail in the coffin.

I'm willing to help, but you have to start telling the truth. You haven't been. I'd bet money on that.

So either tell the truth, or stop wasting our time. I've got one foot out the door, Judy is gone, and all the others haven't posted since you started this thread. So tell the truth.

The reason I asked about when you saw your boyfriend after he supposedly raped you, is because I know how long it takes to get a positive pregnancy test after sex. It's another reason why I don't believe you were raped, because I do believe that you continued a relationship with him even before you found out you were pregnant.

If you're willing to be honest, I'll stay, and I will help. But one more lie, and I'm out too.

[JudyKayTee]

If I wanted to be ripped to pieces and told how wrong my decisions were, I would have let the defense attorney have a shot at me.

Defense Attorney? I thought no one would file charges against him. A defense attorney was assigned to this case?

There's a difference between charges being filed and dismissed OR the rapist being found not guilty and no charges being filed.

Which one is it?

(Sorry, it's turned legal - my arena. Couldn't resists. I'm also confused about the rape kit - HE admitted they had sex. HE said it was consensual. SHE says it was rape. What's the purpose of the rape kit? He admitted to the sex. Rape semen isn't any different from any other type of semen so I fail to see why the hang up on the rape kit. He ADMITTED it in texts to her!)

[Alty]

My take on this, the OP has read about rape, done extensive research about rape, but fell short because you can't pretend to experience rape, you actually have to live through it.

Her lies were caught because she's not a good liar. I'd bet money that rape didn't come up until the relationship ended and she didn't want to share custody of her daughter.

The things she has written, including the pity post "If I wanted to be ripped to pieces and told how wrong my decisions were, I would have let the defense attorney have a shot at me", is straight out of books, TV shows, and movies.

It's easy to fool people that haven't lived what you're lying about. It's not so easy when you're dealing with people that have been were you're pretending to be.

Either we get the truth, or I'm reporting this thread. The OP can go and post her lies to people less intelligent than us. As a victim or rape, and child molestation, I'm offended! I'm infuriated! Either tell the truth, or leave! I have no more interest in lies!

[ScottGem]

I'm going to step in here. I have to admit I'm bothered by some of the inconsistencies in the OP's story. Most specifically the piece about when she found out she was pregnant. But I can accept the initial situation. I can see a young girl who made some bad decisions on how intimate she allowed a boy to get and the boy going too far. And yes this qualifies as rape. Should she have screamed and fought? Yes. But it doesn't make it any less rape that she didn't. Did she make a mess of things of things by not reporting it? Again yes, but that still doesn't change that it was rape.

Finally, I can also see a situation where she might question to herself whether she was raped or not and with bad advice maintain some contact with the rapist.

So lets deal with the simple facts of this situation.

Fact 1: The OP had a child with a guy she did not choose to have a child with. Lets leave it at that.
Fact 2: Because of the nature of the encounter, the OP is, understandably, uncomfortable about having to face the guy
Fact 3: Because of her previous bad decisions, she will not be able to prevent the guy from being a part of the child's life.

So we come back to my advice. Since we have Fact 3 the OP's only choice is to hope she can convince a court to setup visitation through an intermediary. To accomplish that the tape where the guy admitted to taking advantage (buit not a rape) may be helpful.

[JudyKayTee]

And perhaps this is a good place to close - it's all been said and summed up.

[Alty]

I agree, let's end it.

I have to say, I don't agree with Scott on this one. I do agree that we should let it go, but I don't agree that some of her story is understandable. I don't accept the initial situation. But that has nothing to do with the legal aspects of this thread, which I can't comment on.

The OP got the only advice anyone can give her, so it should be over. If she's being honest, I hope she takes the advice and lives with her decisions. If it's all a bunch of bull, I hope she can live with that as well.

Time to close the thread. I completely agree with that. :)