[countrybean22]

In 2008 me and my husband "separated". During the "separation" I went to the hospital and he went to jail. I was told by his brother who was an officer that my husbands parents got temporary custody of the kids until I got stable enough to take them home. While I continued to find a place to live his parents gave primary care to my husband. He told me I'd never have to worry about not being able to see them or talk to them. After a year of me struggling I finally found a stable job and home. I was getting every other weekend visitations set by him. I lost my job after choosing the weekends with my children instead of work. My husband went to DSS to file for medicaid and they soon came to me for childsupport. I agreed to it cause I had found a job that I could pay. I soon didn't have a place to live and had to sleep in my car. I got behind on my payments and my husband soon took me to court and I went to jail. After getting out I struggled to find both a job and a stable place to live. I begged my husband to drop what child support that was owed and let me get stable enough to help. He refused. Then it became a game for him making me misserable. Tell me I could see the kids and to meet him places and never show up. Tell me to call the kids and never answer the phone. I couldn't take the way I was living and needed to make myself stable enough to support my children so I moved back to Illinois where my family lives. Now here's where my emotions cannot take any more. I've been sending child support checks and they keep sending them back. I've tried to communicate with DSS but they will not return my phone calls and I've tried to talk to the court house and their just we want the payments... quit sending them back. My husband and I have no custody agreement only child support and he refuses to give me a divorce. He's changed his phone number and send my letters back. I haven't seen my children since September last year and haven't hear their voices since January. What make me even more confused is he has his girlfriend living with him and my children and just had a baby. I can't afford a lawyer and pay child support. What I'm asking I guess is if I give up my rights and put money in a bank account for them and hope for the best in the future or should I continue paying a man who loves playing mind games just to make me miserable? I love my children and giving up my rights is the last thing I want to do, but I don't know what else I can do. My mental and emotional state these days cannot take too much more just for his enjoyment

[ScottGem]

Well first, there is this myth that a parent can just give up their rights. It is only a myth so you can forget that idea. If there is a court order for support, it will remain in effect until its modified.

If there are no court orders for custody and visitation, then you should go to court to get them. He can't withhold visitation if it is court ordered or he will go to jail.

[countrybean22]

Well first, there is this myth that a parent can just give up their rights. It is only a myth so you can forget that idea. If there is a court order for support, it will remain in effect until its modified.

If there are no court orders for custody and visitation, then you should go to court to get them. He can't withhold visitation if it is court ordered or he will go to jail.

I was told by a lawyer that because I'm behind on my child support that taking him to court right now would risk me going to jail instead of him. So I've been lead in so many directions its confusing.

[ScottGem]

Custody and visitation are treated separately from support. You being behind should not have an effect on your getting visitation. And it certainly won't put you in jail if you haven't been willfully not paying support.

[Fr_Chuck]

First he must have gotten some level of default custody, to be getting support, if there was never actually any court order for custody, you would have the same rights to the child as he does. And the child support is just payments to the government for his use of welfare.

Your being behind in child support does not take away your rights to file for visitation in court.