[talaniman]

See a physician pronto, after blood work ups he may need to balance your hormones. Surprised the counselor didn't insist on it. Or did she/he?

[toto99ah]

See a physician pronto, after blood work ups he may need to balance your hormones. Surprised the counselor didn't insist on it. Or did she/he?

I went today.
He did ultrasounds, and said everything looked normal.
He said maybe I ovulated too late this month, because that's not a period---that's spotting, and that it looks like I'm due for my period.
He did blood tests, too.
So waiting for results.

On the other hand, when that piece od dog waste said he'd call the cops, yesterday, I didn't care. But I did find myself begging him to just hear me out, that I wasn't trying to "keep" him with me, that I just wanted closure. He cussed me out, told me it was over( I ALREADY knew that, last week, when he did a sudden 180 and told me I was "rushing" things).
As soon a she said it was over, I hung up(but I'm sure HE HUNG UP ON ME LONG BEFORE THAT). So I was "officially" dumped.
But even though he's the piece of excrement, I'm the one who handled it oh so wrong and so badly. I was the ONE IN THE WRONG, because I kept holding on to someone(someone who didn't want me) for closure.
After all, if I was anywhere near normal, I would have just let it go from the start when he never called me back after the first "date."
I'm still hurting and smarting pretty badly, but it is what it is----I just wish I wouldn't have handled it so horribly and made such an of myself( NOT for him, but for my own self).

[talaniman]

I think its far to say you over reacted, and got carried away by your own feelings triggered by him, but the actions are your own. Were you honest with your doctor about your emotional state? What did he say to this?

[toto99ah]

I think its far to say you over reacted, and got carried away by your own feelings triggered by him, but the actions are your own. Were you honest with your doctor about your emotional state? What did he say to this?

Yesterday I wrote a reply to your latest reply, but it didn't post.
So my question is, please tell me exactly what you mean by:
My own feelings triggered by him.
Please be detailed.
Also, here's the thing:
Even though this ended disasterously, I tried calling him just for some closure(after he never called me for days and days and days), he avoided all of my calls, I then called him from a different number and he answered immediatly(but when he heard my voice--and I was really calm and nice and sid I just wanted to know how he'd been----he swore that he was really really busy and had to go and he hung up. I gave him a couple hours and called back. He avoided all my calls again. He had become a STRANGER suddenly.
I kept calling. He ignored my calls. I called from a different number, again. He picked up right away, but when he heard my voice, he screamed at me that he "had no time for this bull and these effing games with me" and he hung up again. He didn't give me a word in edgewise.
I kept calling back obsessively. He finally texted---texted that I was stalking him and that this was scary and that it was OVER for good and NO WAY TO REPAIR and to LEAVE HIM ALONE.
I texted, gently, that I knew it was over and I'd known since last week when he(uncharacteristically) stood me up for a date, and that all I wanted now was closure. He texted back: "Too Bad."
I texted that if he'd just answer the phone once, I would never call or contact him again. But he refused to answer. He kept his phone ON, but ignored my calls. After I called another 30 times, he answered, yelling that I was "ruining his career" and that his next call would be to the cops. I kept trying to just say that I didn't mean anything bad and that all I wanted was closure. But he wouldn't let me talk. He screamed that it was over and hung up.
To this day, for some odd reason, I can't get over him, I just can't get over him. I'm not attached to him, but I am into him and I can't get over him.
Please, can you tell me why?
Why?!
Please read ALL of this and tell me , in detail.
Thanks.

[hr2hlpU]

And here's the of it:
He's NOT even attractive.
He's some guy(a production manager on films) whom I met from a sleazy site on line(yeah, I already know. But remember: when I go out, no one approaches me, even when I try to seem approachable).
I've met many s on line for a date who never called back. I was angry with them, too.
But this one, eventhough I felt no great connection to him, that first time, bothered me that HE didn't call back. So 2 days later I called him and told him off. End? Should've been(At least I shoul've let it go). But then HE called back after that, asking me out. My desperate went to meet him again. He told me he liked my feistiness.
That next day we met again(but this time I had to drive all that way to meet him).
He was open and shared things about his dysfunctional family. I felt a connection. We talked a lot.
But the next day, SUDDENLY, he was back to non-com. WTF? Just the night before we had a great phone convo. He brought up sex. I told him to get tested, show me results. I told him I wanted monogamy. He had no response to the test. But for monogamy, he said he's always had "monogamous" sex. Ok. Next day? No phone call. Just a text. That's it. Huh?
So got angry again. The next day I calmly called him and told him to read his email where I'd left a nasty messege(my mistake, yes.).
He went back to again calling and calling. I wrote him off.
But that night my dog was lost and injured. I panicked and called him. he said he'd come over---he insisted. He came and walked my dog.
And get this: He walked my dog while telling me that, earlier that day when I'd been NASTY and again broken up with him, he'd(supposedly) gone back to ourold meeting place and had seen something that reminded him of me, and he had a feeling he's se me again. He "just knew it." So then he pulled out a bracelet he'd bought for me.
So with all this, I thought it was too muchof an effort just to get free sex, when he couldve gotten sex from other women. So I felt a thing for him. I thought maybe just maybe he cared a bit. So I gave him another chance. And we never fought or even so much as disagreed again.
That night he got home and called and said that he wanted a commitment. I said dont rush. But he insisted.
Then the next day he made a date with me---I said I'd love to go out with him. I asked him to pick me up. He said he's call me back with details. But later he called to say he had a new assignment and had to cance. I said okay and that I missed him.
He said I should drive to his place and watch t.v. while he worked on the assignment, then later we'd take a walk and that he'd haveme spend the night---and that he'd totally behave.
I drove over. He was already done with the assignment. We too k a walk, talked, laughed. We got back to his apartment. He was constantly all over me. All he talked about was sex---when we got to that point, blah, blah. I told him I wanted to talk with him, SHARE, connect, and that I cared for him. He wasnt too open . And he NEVER asked me about myself.
The next morning, he tried to "just cuddle" with me in his bed. I told him no sex talk. But he kept making sex jokes and sex talk. Later, I noticed and was hurt that when GLORIA walked by, he never introduced me. I said nothing. He then told me to make sure I got all my stuff. I said I did. He said he meant "nothing by that, just trying to help..."
I went to my car. He went inside before I even drove off.
He called later. The next day he said he was going to an Earth day event to volunteer. He said to "drop by" if I wanted.
That's when I gently told him that I, too, like him wanted a real relationship, A child someday, etc. He blew up at me, saying that if I was again breaking up, the just do it!
I said, God, No, I'm just opening up, that's all. He said I was rushing things(all of a sudden. Didn't he want a "commitment" that other night when he walked my dog when I was having a crisis?).
Since then, he disappeared.
Yeah, he's already left the building. I just don't know why I'm SO VERY HURT.

You need to stop looking for love in all the wrong places. Stop looking for Love, for Love will find you! For now it is okay to be alone, for you need to learn about yourself. You see, all these things that are happening to you that you are receiving from these relationship, are unhealthy. What I mean is the way you are being treated... it is known as emotional abuse. These relationships are not saying and doing positive things to you. It is all negative comments to undermine, devalue you, and continue to shrink you. Love is understanding and respecting you. You need to trust your instincts and stop being continually emotionally abused by these losers. You're a good person with a big-heart, you just got to get smart. Anybody that makes negative comments is not deserving of your love. You need someone who will truly appreciate you. When these relationships say things and do things that don't make you don't feel good, it's a red flag to dump them, do it before they dump you! Do not expect others to give you happiness, you must create happiness for yourself. For now, stop giving to others, for you are giving your gifts away to those who don't appreciate you. If you need me.. keep in touch.

[talaniman]

QUOTE by toto99ah;
So my question is, please tell me exactly what you mean by: My own feelings triggered by him. Please be detailed.

You are emotionally out of control. Way out of control. Maybe this boob handled himself very badly, but it was you who refused to take a hint and leave the guy alone, and get under control yourself. No matter what he did. That's what I meant in a nut shell, that he was a boob, and you allowed yourself to become an even bigger one. UNACCEPTABLE on your part.

Also, here's the thing:
Even though this ended disastrously, I tried calling him just for some closure(after he never called me for days and days and days), he avoided all of my calls, I then called him from a different number and he answered immediately(but when he heard my voice--and I was really calm and nice and sid I just wanted to know how he'd been----he swore that he was really really busy and had to go and he hung up. I gave him a couple hours and called back. He avoided all my calls again. He had become a STRANGER suddenly.

Another hint for you to let it go, BUT NOOOOO! You just had to keep pushing it. That also is thoroughly UNACCEPTABLE behavior and response. He was a rude boob, but you exceeded it, instead of let it go.

I kept calling. He ignored my calls. I called from a different number, again. He picked up right away, but when he heard my voice, he screamed at me that he "had no time for this bull and these effing games with me" and he hung up again. He didn't give me a word in edgewise.

He didn't want to talk to you for any reason, so he sure didn't want to listen.

I kept calling back obsessively. He finally texted---texted that I was stalking him and that this was scary and that it was OVER for good and NO WAY TO REPAIR and to LEAVE HIM ALONE.

Even you acknowledge you were making a perfect pest of yourself and acted terribly in trying to force him to give you something he wasn't going to give you. This is psycho b1tch behavior. That's you allowing YOURSELF into being really FOOLISH.

I texted, gently, that I knew it was over and I'd known since last week when he(uncharacteristically) stood me up for a date, and that all I wanted now was closure. He texted back: "Too Bad."

CLOSURE, what they hell does that have to do with him? He has ignored you, cursed you, snapped at you? I mean what does a guy have to do for you to GET IT?? That was a lot of closure in my book, and you just didn't ACCEPT it, so your search for closure was a LIE that you keep telling yourself. STOP IT!!

I texted that if he'd just answer the phone once, I would never call or contact him again. But he refused to answer. He kept his phone ON, but ignored my calls. After I called another 30 times, he answered, yelling that I was "ruining his career" and that his next call would be to the cops. I kept trying to just say that I didn't mean anything bad and that all I wanted was closure. But he wouldn't let me talk. He screamed that it was over and hung up.

PSYCHO B!TCH behavior, criminal in many places.

To this day, for some odd reason, I can't get over him, I just can't get over him. I'm not attached to him, but I am into him and I can't get over him.
Please, can you tell me why? Why?!

You cannot get over him for one, its to soon, for two, you have not accepted the end, and for three, you are lying to yourself and acting really foolish, and finally, looking for closure is no excuse for your behavior, and you need to take responsibility for being a zip, damn psycho. You have behaved badly, and represented yourself POORLY. If you have not gotten closure, its because you don't know what it is, or all you wanted was the last word.

Well you will never get either so let this go! Just stop being stupid about it. When you do, the healing can begin, if you don't or can't, you need some serious outside help! Go and get it!

Now that i have answered your question, answer mine, where you honest with your doctor about how wacky, and bad you have been behaving in this matter????

[hr2hlpU]

I went today.
He did ultrasounds, and said everything looked normal.
He said maybe I ovulated too late this month, because that's not a period---that's spotting, and that it looks like I'm due for my period.
He did blood tests, too.
So waiting for results.

On the other hand, when that piece od dog waste said he'd call the cops, yesterday, I didnt care. But I did find myself begging him to just hear me out, that I wasnt trying to "keep" him with me, that I just wanted closure. He cussed me out, told me it was over( I ALREADY knew that, last week, when he did a sudden 180 and told me I was "rushing" things).
As soon a she said it was over, I hung up(but I'm sure HE HUNG UP ON ME LONG BEFORE THAT). So I was "officially" dumped.
But eventhough he's the piece of excrement, I'm the one who handled it oh so wrong and so badly. I was the ONE IN THE WRONG, because I kept holding on to someone(someone who didnt want me) for closure.
Afterall, if I was anywhere near normal, I would have just let it go from the start when he never called me back after the first "date."
I'm still hurting and smarting pretty badly, but it is what it is----I just wish I wouldnt have handled it so horribly and made such an of myself( NOT for him, but for my own self).

Stop being needy and depending on others to make you happy. You need to learn to be emotionally independent.

[hr2hlpU]

When a guy doesn't call back, take as a "polite way" of letting you know they don't want to continue a relationship with you. Yes, you are hurt, but, it is a learning lesson for you to move on! Stop being clingy! As I said before, you need to learn about you. You must learn to be emotionally independent. Stop acting like a Stalker!

[mmresd]

You need to stop going out with people that you are not feelings anything for. And you need a complete change of attitude, your "half empty" attitude is very unattractive to most guys that will even consider having something serious, you need to throw it out the door.

[toto99ah]

When a guy doesn't call back, take as a "polite way" of letting you know they don't want to continue a relationship with you. Yes, you are hurt, but, it is a learning lesson for you to move on! Stop being clingy! As I said before, you need to learn about you. You must learn to be emotionally independent. Stop acting like a Stalker!

Listen, you LOVELY, LOVELY person,
Everything that u(and the others, here) are saying are nothing but the truth.
Thank u:)
You speak only reality---and that's what I want.
But my severely effed up life is what has made me this pathetic fool.
I know and u know I need to change.

But the BIG, bigger, BIGGEST and worst problem is that I'm 42-43 years old and so desperately want to have one child(the natural way---no invitro, etc.), that that LEAVES ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HURRY AND RUSH INTO LOSING SITUATIONS WITH THESE A-HOLES, WHICH IN TURN MAKES AND LEAVES ME VULNERABLE TO ATTACHMENT, HURT, PAIN, ETC.
So that's the problem.
Please help...
And thank u, my friend, for being here for me.

[hr2hlpU]

Listen, you LOVELY, LOVELY person,
Everything that u(and the others, here) are saying are nothing but the truth.
Thank u:)
You speak only reality---and that's what I want.
But my severly effed up life is what has made me this pathetic fool.
I know and u know I need to change.

But the BIG, bigger, BIGGEST and worst problem is that I'm 42-43 years old and so desperately want to have one child(the natural way---no invitro, etc.), that that LEAVES ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HURRY AND RUSH INTO LOSING SITUATIONS WITH THESE A-HOLES, WHICH IN TURN MAKES AND LEAVES ME VULNERABLE TO ATTACHMENT, HURT, PAIN, ETC.
So that's the problem.
Please help...
And thank u, my friend, for being here for me.

You are stuck in the environment we all were raised in, in believing that "omg!...our biological clock is ticking...we must hurry!" Yes, it is nice to have a child of your own. But, there are so many children that need to be loved. You have a big-heart, you have so much Love to give to a child. Stop wasting your energy on Losers that don't appreciate you. Think about it!

[talaniman]

I'm 42-43 years old and so desperately want to have one child(the natural way---no invitro, etc.), that that LEAVES ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HURRY AND RUSH INTO LOSING SITUATIONS WITH THESE A-HOLES, WHICH IN TURN MAKES AND LEAVES ME VULNERABLE TO ATTACHMENT, HURT, PAIN

Change your approach then, and if you must rush into these things, at least know when to quit, and leave a bad situation before you get hurt. That will save a lot of pain won't it?

[toto99ah]

Change your approach then, and if you must rush into these things, at least know when to quit, and leave a bad situation before you get hurt. That will save a lot of pain won't it?

Very well stated---as usual I agree----but what approach(es) do u suggest exactly? And I do mean, exactly.

[talaniman]

Put an AD out asking for exactly what you want, and WHY, and take applications and weed through them until you get a good candidate. Even include a timetable, and a warning, SERIOUS APPLICANT ONLY!!

[toto99ah]

Put an AD out asking for exactly what you want, and WHY, and take applications and weed thru them until you get a good candidate. Even include a timetable, and a warning, SERIOUS APPLICANT ONLY!!!

Sweet.
And should I include the same sarcasm u just did?

[hr2hlpU]

Sweet.
And should I include the same sarcasm u just did?

Do not put ads out in asking (very foolish move). You are vulnerable as it is. You need to learn about you. Surround yourself with positive people who will help you heal emotionally. Take classes in mediation, art, dance. Even church choir is good, for singing soothes the soul.

[DoulaLC]

You won't find the quality type of man you are looking for with desperation. It just isn't going to happen. You could certainly find some less than desireables that will sleep with you just for the sake of having a woman to sleep with, but not the best option. Have you been telling these men that you are trying to become pregnant? Do you know any male friends that might be willing to help you out? Have you considered trying a sperm bank?

What were the results of your blood work? What specifically did they check?

[talaniman]

You may as well take my suggestion about placing an ad seriously. Its no more ludicrous as how you are dealing with your "ticking clock" dilemma. And for some reason you have ignored my question yet again,

Were you honest with your doctor about how wacky, and bad you have been behaving in this matter???? And why, you are totally obsessed with having a baby of your own.

These are very important things for a doctor to know, and to not give him this information is negligent on your part.

[toto99ah]

You won't find the quality type of man you are looking for with desperation. It just isn't going to happen. You could certainly find some less than desireables that will sleep with you just for the sake of having a woman to sleep with, but not the best option. Have you been telling these men that you are trying to become pregnant? Do you know any male friends that might be willing to help you out? Have you considered trying a sperm bank?

What were the results of your blood work? What specifically did they check?

He did an entire anovulation panel and ultrasound.
For the ultrasound, he said I had not yet gotten my period---the linning of uterus was very thick, indicating I'd get it any within the next 2 weeks.
He said the reason I've been having brown bleeding for a few days is because I probably ovulated late.
I agonized for the next 2 days, waiting for my period.
I called and stalked my doctor. He said that he'd told me within 1-2 weeks.
I said OK. But I still agonized.
I got my period yesterday(actually about 4 days later---not 1-2 weeks later).
I do love my doctor for his patience ans skills--very prominent and with good reason.
Still waiting for the blood panel results.
Very stressed out---why the eff would I be ovulating late? So stressed out over this whole thing!!

[toto99ah]

You may as well take my suggestion about placing an ad seriously. Its no more ludicrous as how you are dealing with your "ticking clock" dilemma. And for some reason you have ignored my question yet again,

Were you honest with your doctor about how wacky, and bad you have been behaving in this matter???? And why, you are totally obsessed with having a baby of your own.

These are very important things for a doctor to know, and to not give him this information is negligent on your part.

I never ignored your question, absolutely not!
I immediately responded to you, explaining that yes, I told her EVERYTHING.
I wrote theses 2 particular replies to u, twice.
Please read my previous responses to u, They explain in detail my answers to your questions and how very detailed I was when I did tell her everything.