[OkieinTN]

She seems to think it is All my fault and that he isn't to blame. Yes she took sides and when I try to explain anything to her she twists every word and then murders me with it. She believes what ever she wants to believe and if this is not bad enough she is preventing me to see my 4 year old granddaughter. I am at a loss here. She has decided we should not have any more contact. I am hurt beyond belief.

[J_9]

I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. However, this is a question and answer site, do you have a question for us?

[OkieinTN]

Do you think there is anything else I should do to make this better?

[J_9]

Do you think there is anything else I should do to make this better?

What have you done so far?

[JudyKayTee]

How was your relationship before the divorce? Is this something totally new or a new problem in a rocky relationship?

[OkieinTN]

We had a talk when I went home and she ended up twisting my words. Up until that time she would not tell me why I couldn't see the granddaughter. When I got home I finally got her to send me a list of what she was so concerned about but I was told I could not talk to her about any of them. Some of the list was her perception's of things, some where out and out wrong things I supposedly said but never said. Some if it was something I would like to discuss with her. But when you are told you can't you just let things ride hoping there will be a time she will talk to you. But now she doesn't want to ever talk to me. I have told her that this divorce was our decision but she seems to think she could have "talked" us out of it. Now she thinks I am the complete blame of everything. Common sense seems to tell you it takes two to work on a marriage. Without being able to talk to her ever I can see no good end to this. I am almost 60 years old and feel that life is too short to let this sort of thing ruin what you have left.

[JudyKayTee]

Maybe you need to (sort of) walk away. I'm sure it's terribly painful not to see your Grandchild but I think you are the person extending yourself, trying to fix the situation, and your daughter doesn't want to hear about it.

I'd stop contacting her.

Does your ex-husand have any influence whatsoever? Can you talk to him? If she has incorrect info about the divorce, did it come from him?

[OkieinTN]

I really don't think it is coming from him. It is in her head because the two of us decided that most of the reasons we got a divorce were not up for discussion with the children. My other daughter doesn't understand why the oldest is acting the way she is. She can't seem to explain it to her either. I just wish there was some other way to make this better. I love my girls with all my heart. And this one was sick when she was young and a lot of attention was given to her. Sacrafices had to be made and we were so close. It is very painful. But I can't not make myself sick over something I have no control of. I just thought maybe someone not so close to the situation would be helpful. As for speaking to the ex he is remarried and the new wife has forbidden him to talk to me. Her take is that our children are grown and therefore there is not reason for us to talk.

[JudyKayTee]

Everyone has a story - I have a stepdaughter who refused to talk to me for several years when I married her late father. I found out later that she was upset that he divorced his first wife and married me. I MET him more than 10 years after the divorce - I still don't know what her issue was.

Sometimes you never find out.

The new wife has forbidden him to talk to you? I wish I had that kind of power!

[OkieinTN]

Power? Well you have to know the man lol. He avoids conflict at all cost and it cost him me. But that is another story. Thanks for your input. Sometimes you just have to say words out loud to understand them. In this case I have honestly done all I can. When she cut me off then I can do no more. It hurts but like I said. I have to live my life so her taking me into a depression helps no one.