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cindy8907 · Jul 25, 2009, 01:23 AM

I used to date a guy for a couple months 5 months ago, he was amazing to me and I was really happy with him, but we were never official so eventually I cut off all contact with him because he didn't want a relationship and I did, although in the beginning he was all for it and then suddenly out of nowhere he had a change of heart and I still don't know why.. so I haven't seen or spoken to him since then. As hard as it was I told him that when he figures out what he wants and wants a relationship to call me otherwise not to contact me ever again. But ever since then I've missed him like hell, I think about him all the time, he's in my dreams, and even dating other guys doesn't take my mind off him, its like no one else has been able to compare. I can truly say that I fell head over heels over him.. Ive been tempted to want to send him a message just to ask how he's doing and maybe just stay as friends. I honestly rather have him in my life somehow than not have him in my life at all. The thought of not ever talking to him again kills me, but I don't know if should or not. What do you think I should do? Can anyone give me some advice?

And why would a guy that is amazing with me and treats me like a queen and even told me in the beginning that I was everything he was looking for in a girl and that he wants to make me his girlfriend but just doesn't want to rush into anything change his mind all of a sudden? Any advice from a guys point of view?

Thanks
1 week ago

Chey5782 · Jul 25, 2009, 02:12 AM

Thinking about him that much sounds like good old fashioned infatuation. I've never been a fan myself, it's hard to control and makes you feel miserable and obsessive.

It sounds from what you are saying as though he felt like it was all happening too fast. Sometimes new relationships are like that and it can be a bit intimidating. Did he try to contact you often after you ended the contact?

I'm not sure trying to be a part of his life as a friend sounds like a good option here; if you were thinking of that seriously. It's obvious you want more, so approaching him to only be friends is starting a friendship off on a false foot to begin with. That probably wouldn't end well.

Life is about living, if you really feel this way then just tell him. Worst case scenario you know for sure that it will not be and you can start actually moving on with your life and seriously trying to get over him, WITHOUT all of the residual things that you have kept from getting no closure.

N0help4u · Jul 25, 2009, 05:42 AM

Yeah you were only with him for 5 months and pressuring him for a (lifetime?) commitment and then dumped him instead of going with the flow to see if he eventually came around to WANTING a long term relationship.
So you didn't part on bad terms but even if you contact him he may or may not want to give it a second chance.
For your peace of mind I would do like Chey said and just tell him that leaving him was the biggest mistake and you want to know if he is up for giving it another try no Long term commitment strings attached.
Then take it from there.

jmjoseph · Jul 25, 2009, 05:51 AM

If I were looking for a house, and I fell in love with one, it was perfect in every way, I had already pick the kid's rooms, colors to paint, all the things we normally do, only to find out that it was no longer AVAILABLE. Would I, or should I, keep riding by this house, looking in the windows, calling the owner? NO, sure I wouldn't. It sounds like your situation. Sometimes when we find out we can't have something it makes us want it even more. Go find you a man that will love you, want to be with you, and will treat you like a lady for the rest of your life. I wish you luck. As for WHY this guy had a change of heart, you two only dated for " a couple of months", did you get too serious too soon? Was he scared off? Next time take it slow.

Jake2008 · Jul 25, 2009, 08:33 AM

I agree with the others, that during the short relationship you had with him, you were going in one direction a lot faster than he was.

I think it was probably a mistake to dump him cold turkey. Maybe had you and he talked more about where the relationship was going so you both understood each other, it may have been still ongoing.

I see no harm in texting him, or better yet, using the old fashioned telephone, and asking him how he's doing, and to give you a call if he feels like getting together for coffee.

Keep it light and simple. If there is more to come after you contact him, you will know soon enough.

s_cianci · Jul 25, 2009, 08:38 AM

He doesn't want a relationship, pure and simple. He was honest and upfront with you and for that you should be grateful. Now, that said, I wouldn't try to contact him or anything. There's other fish in the ocean too. I'm sure that eventually you'll find one who wants the same thing that you do.

MissRissa · Jul 25, 2009, 10:46 AM

I think that if you were to talk to him again, you would just be hurting yourself. You would be stringing yourself along him, constantly hoping for that relationship that you may never get and constantly being disappointed. You say that you just want him in your life even if he's not with you, but really think hard about it. Will that honestly make you feel any better? I think that there was a damn good reason why you stopped talking to him in the first place and you should stick to that reason. Not talking to him for a while will help you get over him, which is really what you need to do. Learn to move on with out him, he's just not the one for you if he doesn't even want to be with you. I hope this helps. Good luck! :)

liz28 · Jul 25, 2009, 02:18 PM

There is no sense in trying to be his friend because you already have deep feelings for him. If you were his friend can you handle seeing him with someone else? If not, why even open that door?

lizzy777 · Jan 20, 2012, 02:47 PM

When I read your post it sounded so familiar I could almost have written it myself. I met a guy and fell for him instantly - something that hardly ever happens to me and I guess it was instant chemistry. I saw him for about 4-5 months. At first he made me feel like a princess; making arrangements when he would see me next, texting all the time, attentive and loving when I was with him and when I wasn't with him he was always checking where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. He even told me I was perfect and everything a woman should be. When we were together I felt like I was floating on air. The sexual chemistry was amazing too - something I'd not felt on that scale before. After the first 2 months or so though I noticed a change in his behaviour - he was only making arrangements to see me every couple of weeks or so (if that). I was dependent on him telling me when he was free because he worked a strange shift pattern. Also, he never phoned me, only texted me. I invited him to my house one weekend and we had a great time but I did notice certain shady behaviour. When we were out he received several text messages including one in the early hours of the morning. He seemed quite cagey about them and I didn't want to ask questions (although in hindsight I wish I had), as we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend. The insecurity had started to set in. Anyway that was the last time I saw him. He continued contact by text but wasn't making any concrete plans to meet and I never felt able to ask him to meet due to this shift pattern he worked. Eventually he text me one day saying 'hopefully we can meet up next week', to which I replied 'yeah whatever' The next day I text him 'if you want to meet up next week please let me know what day as I have a busy week ahead'. Bear in mind I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks. Then came the excuses - he said he could only do a Monday as was on early shift and going fishing on his days off. I replied 'look, if you are unable to make any advance plans or time I think we'd better leave it as this isn't the way I like to be treated. I'd appreciate it if you don't contact me again'. Needless to say I never ever heard from him again. I know deep down I did the right thing as I think his silence told me what I already knew - I was being played. Even so, I have thought about him nearly every day since and that was 5 months ago and often find myself regretting my decision to cut him off the way I did instead of telling him how I felt. I did it for self protection though. I don't fall for many people and when I fall for someone I fall hard and sometimes the disappointment of the prospect of a new intense relationship not coming to fruition can be much more painful than a long term stale relationship ending. I think also though it's about not getting closure and regretting saying goodbye. It was obvious he didn't want a serious relationship and I would only have got more hurt in the long run but it doesn't make it any easier. I still think about him every day and miss the times we had together, the hurt is still there that he didn't reply to my last text. Sometimes like you I think about contacting him but something stops me from doing so. I would love just to talk to him again. Sometimes when I've been out shopping or going to work I've even thought I've seen him but it has ended up being someone totally different. I know what you're going though and feel your pain. Good luck in whatever decision you make.