[JCooksy]

Judy, my boyfriend is NOT the one who I was talking about the abuse, my ex-husband is the one who abused me, neglected my son, was investigated (I am checking in to if any of it was actually charged) numerous times for neglect and suspected abuse of my son's older brother and was abusive to his first ex-wife. My current boyfriend has never done anything even remotely hurtful/harmful to me or my son but has tried everything he can to protect us and provide for us. I know that I screwed up with not turning him in for what he had done to me but I was scared at the time and thought I could *fix* it until I realized that I wasn't going to be able to *fix* anything and so I did what I thought was best and kicked him out and immediately filed divorce. My ex is extremely unstable and has tried committing suicide and has threatened both me and my boyfriend numerous times.

[JudyKayTee]

So this thread is about your husband, not your ex-boyfriend? “Almost 4 years ago my boyfriend was charged with a misdemeanor domestic charge ... he did admit to pushing her back a little” https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/crimin...ml#post2704003

[JCooksy]

And (assuming) you read that entire post you would have seen where I put that the ONLY reason he was charged with ANYTHING is because my boyfriend *pushed* his ex back away from him so that he could leave the residence in which he was being beaten and abused by her at that time. I was present for the entire ordeal and the only reason that he got charged with ANYTHING and she DIDN'T was because he failed to file a police report and press charges against HER. There is no ACTUAL history of violence or abuse/neglect on my boyfriend. As you pointed out in one of your earlier comments that's the *downside* of having a child with a *loser* and he regrets that he had his daughter with this *child* (which she has proven by her behavior and actions) but he doesn't regret having his daughter in his life.
But if that would prevent my boyfriend from being able to *adopt* my son then it should also go to say that because of my ex-husbands history that his rights should be terminated. My ex-husband has a steady history of abuse towards his ex-wife (which was documented) and numerous investigations of neglect with his first son and the abandonment of his first son, and the (while I failed to report it and that was my own fault) witnesses of the abuse of me and neglect of my son (which happened while we were still married).

[Synnen]

You know what?

YOUR attitude rubs me wrong. I gave you actual information, and you became argumentative and rude to me. What in the world would cause you to expect me to treat you like a princess after that?

I'm done with you. You want to hear what you want to hear, and not anyone's actual experience with the law.

Good luck.

[JCooksy]

Also, as per what my boyfriend was charged with in the past because of his ex, before the DA had even started the process of setting up the court date and all that to proceed with taking my boyfriend to court over the issue, my boyfriends ex had tried to get everything dropped but the DA refused to drop the case even though it was a *first time offense* for my boyfriend and there wasn't any actual *evidence* of violence (domestic or other). It was his FIRST offense and he had NO history of violence prior to this incident and has had none since.

[JudyKayTee]

All it takes is once. He pushed her. That's assault. You trust him with your child, that's your decision.

I'm going to agree with Synnen (who certainly can stand on her own two feet and doesn't need me to agree with her) but she said it better than I could. I will add that you post one thing and then change it to another - "Judy, my boyfriend is NOT the one who I was talking about the abuse" and then, surprise, he was! You weren't asking about adoption but, surprise, you were: "Does anyone know what we have to do in order for him to adopt my son?"

My legal advice - and last I heard this was about the legality of your boyfriend adopting your child - is that you do exactly what you have always intended to do. Try to have your boyfriend adopt the child without the consent of the birth father and without the help of an Attorney or, for that matter, the Courts.

Come back and let us know how it works out. Your experience will be invaluable to others who follow after you.

[cdad]

Synnen what you have given me is an approximation of most States laws about this type of case, no where did you show me actual Indiana law about it, whereas GV70 posted a good portion of Indiana Codes concerning what I was asking. You may think that you are coming across as *helpful* but when you make assumptions about people then snap on them because they point out the actual situation that is just being rude and condescending or at least it is in my opinion, I see that your thing says you are in Minnesota and you may have many years experience in the adoption field but my question is how much experience do you have in Indiana's laws on this issue? I never *expected* you are anyone else to treat me like a princess as you put it all I have tried to do is get some actual info on my state's laws and rules regarding this in the event me and my boyfriend decide we want to *push forward* and do something about it. Most of the things that you have said have seemed (to me anyways) as an interpretation of what you know or what you may have looked up. I am not trying to find someone who will *word it the way I want it to be* I just want someone to give me the actual laws of the state that I reside in on this type of case. I have also pointed out things that are written in the law which MIGHT help me out when I decide to move forward with this but instead of looking at them and finding out the situation (and history) you *seem* to just completely dismiss the possibility that the law might ACTUALLY be on MY side on this one instance due to my ex's mental history and domestic history (which are things that the courts would look at also).

A simple answer to your question on if he can adopt or not is "no". According to law he can't adopt your child that you have with your ex. It will be denied because of his conviction for domestic violence.

Under title IV-E, approval of the foster or adoptive home may not be granted if either of the following criminal records is found:

1) The applicant has ever been convicted of felony child abuse or neglect; spousal abuse; a crime against children (including child pornography); or a crime involving violence, including rape, sexual assault, or homicide but not including other types of physical assault or battery.

2) The applicant has been convicted of a felony for physical assault, battery, or a drug-related offense within the past 5 years.3

[ScottGem]

I've closed this thread. The original question has been answered and the rest of the thread has become too contentious.