[mamaoftwo]

A little background info: Hubby, myself, and our children attended godson's birthday party a few weeks ago. At this party we ran into some old high school acquaintances. I sent out a Facebook message. To all stating it was nice to see everyone after all this time. I got a response from one of hubby's old friends and this guy (let's call him "C") begins to tell me how incredible I look every time he sees me. I'm a bit confused because this was the first time I remembered seeing him in at least 5 years and he went on to tell me he remembered me from my BIL's wedding and how he had always thought that I was cute. At this point I'm both shocked and kind of confused because this guy knows I am married. He even met my kids at godson's party. But then "C" goes on to say how he never really got to know me and he says we should meet up for drinks. He leaves his number for me through a FB message and says he'll go by my schedule.

I guess I am very confused because "C" will tell me on the one hand that ALL of us (hubby, other friends, etc.) should go out, and that he does not want to be a homewrecker. But then in the next sentence he will ask JUST ME out for drinks and he continues with telling me how much he's attracted to me. He'll ask me for a "normal" (not naughty) picture of myself, because he has his morals and my husband's family is like his family. I straight out asked "C" what is going on w/the mixed signals, and he says he won't betray hubby's family, but that it's so hard because he's attracted to me.

Sometimes I believe that "C" means it when he says that we can get to know each other without anything happening (ex: he says if we meet 4 drinks we should sit across the table from each other & that there will only be talking). He now asked me to meet up with a few of his friends from out of town as his "pretend" date since supposedly some girl will be there that he claims likes him/is crazy. What is that? I just hoped for some insight from either guys who have acted/felt this way or girls who have gone through this before.

[JudyKayTee]

My advice is simple - stay away from this guy. Why would you meet with anyone who has told you, a married woman, that he is attracted to you? That includes meeting with him alone, groups of people, anything in between.

For that matter, why are you in contact with him after the first message?

I'm sure the attention is somewhat flattering. If the situation were reversed and this was a woman contacting your husband, what would you want/expect him to do?

Do the same thing.

You have posted before about problems in your marriage. If you are still having difficulties being in contact with this guy could be like playing with fire. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...me-517508.html

If you no longer want to be married, then tell your husband and make arrangements to dissolve the marriage. If this is something else, end it now.

[mamaoftwo]

Hi Judy,

OP here. Thanks for your feedback. I guess after hearing his claims of loyalty to hubby's family and the fact we all go way back, I was inclined to believe we could be friends despite all of this. "C" claims he tells me of his attraction to me only because he is an honest guy (saying what's on his mind) and NOT because he wants anything to come of it. He has stated many times that regardless of what he's thinking, he would never act on it because my hubby is like a brother to him... but yes, you are definitely right that if the situation was reversed I would not feel good about hubby speaking to a woman (even if our friend) that I knew was attracted to him.

[JudyKayTee]

Right, the old "your husband is like a brother to me" line.

I'm a widow. Before he died my husband told me to beware of his friends. He was right. Same deal. They liked him so much and were so close to him that perhaps "we" could sit down and talk, have coffee, go out to dinner. But don't tell their wives.

Right --

[redhed35]

If this were me I would be backing slowly out the door and closely it firmly.

This C guy is trouble with a capital T.

He does not want to be friends with you, he wants to get into your pants and is selling you whatever line he can, blow the lid on him and I'm betting your not the first lady he has tried this crap out on.

Block him on Facebook, delete him from your life, he is NOT your husbands friend and he is not trying to be your friend, even I can smell the coffee from here!

[mamaoftwo]

Judy & Redhed35 - Thank you for your input. I guess I was naïve to assume that if he wanted to sleep with me he would've just put it on the table and asked me over to his place, instead of maintaining his distance and insisting that we can never do more than talking.

[redhed35]

Judy & Redhed35 - Thank you for your input. I guess I was naive to assume that if he wanted to sleep with me he would've just put it on the table and asked me over to his place, instead of maintaining his distance and insisting that we can never do more than talking.

If he did that you might say no, this guy is trying to charm you into his bed, don't fall for it.

[Synnen]

How about you ask your husband what HE thinks of this guy's shenanigans?

Betcha your husband wouldn't be friends with him anymore after he finds out that his "friend" is trying to pick up his wife.

Bring your husband into this. I bet the inappropriate behaviour stops.

[Cat1864]

'Like a brother/sister' is not always a sign of friendship and loyalty to a long term 'friend.' Instead of thinking about good friends who are there for each other, think about sibling rivalries that arise out of jealousy, envy and other negative emotions. Some brothers and sisters are down right nasty to each other while putting on a loving face to the rest of the world.

I get the impression that until you made contact that this 'close' friend hadn't really been in touch (five years?). You seem to have more of C's say so about the relationship than concrete facts.

Have you talked to your husband about this 'friend' and old times? If you do, you might find out that C is trying to use you as a pawn in a game that only he is playing.

I would delete him as a contact and a friend. Talk to your husband about what happened so that C can't come back and say that you were the one wanting to see him and getting any parting shots in that might cause you more problems in your marriage.

[mamaoftwo]

Hello! I guess I should clarify... C is closer to hubby's brother, so he's more of an acquaintance than a close friend. My husband is not a violent man, but I've avoided that conversation since I just didn't perceive that C was really "trying anything" on me yet.

[JudyKayTee]

I never bring my husband into these "adventures" unless I can't handle the situation. I'd be very forthright - his attention makes you uncomfortable. Please stop.

Then I'd delete him from everything and ignore any calls, messages, emails.

[Dr.feelinggood]

They guy want to knock the bottom out of you with out a doubt. Im guessing your looking for some one to tell you what your pretty sure of. So if you want it just do it. It will happen sooner or later. If you don't want it Tell him to leave you *profanity edited* alone.
You owe him nothing and he's not trying to be a friend he wants sex sex sex. So either do it or walk away. Remember though you will only feel good during sex then you have to deal with your husband. Instead why don't you do something freaky with your husband blow his mind and yours. It might your flame

[smoothy]

I'm with the others... its not appropriate to ask a married woman out alone for drinks... "to get to know them better".

I'm a guy... and if someone asked my wife that... I'd be kicking their butt all the way into the next state. There is zero doubt in my mind the guy wants to get into your panties.

[JudyKayTee]

They guy want to knock the bottom out of you with out a doubt. Im guessing your looking for some one to tell you what your pretty sure of. So if you want it just do it. It will happen sooner or later. If you dont want it Tell him to leave you *profanity edited* alone.
You owe him nothing and hes not trying to be a friend he wants sex sex sex. So either do it or walk away. remember though you will only feel good during sex then you have to deal with your husband. Instead why dont you do something freaky with your husband blow his mind and yours. it might your flame

You are blaming the victim - she never indicated she wants any part of a relationship with this guy. She never suggested that she and her husband had problems in their marriage. She never indicated that she does or doesn't need to do something "freaky" with her hsuband to "might [her] flame, whatever that means.

Again, you are "assuming" that the OP encouraged this behavior and I believe she did not. She is clearly alarmed.

[mamaoftwo]

Thanks everyone for your input. I do appreciate everyone's point of view. I don't feel that my marriage is having any problems... in fact, I think we may be stronger now than we were 6 months ago. I had many male friends throughout high school (Seriously, most of my gf's were all drama)- who may have voiced attraction towards me, but none ever tried anything since I was dating my hubby. I guess the reason I'm confused about this situation is because "C" professes he will not do anything to jeopardize the friendship w/hubby & his family, but at the same time he'll go on and on about what a catch I am and how lucky hubby is, and if the situation were different... So I'm just thinking, 'Okay, and you're telling me this why?'

[smoothy]

Thanks everyone for your input. I do appreciate everyone's point of view. I don't feel that my marriage is having any problems...in fact, I think we may be stronger now than we were 6 months ago. I had many male friends throughout high school (Seriously, most of my gf's were all drama)- who may have voiced attraction towards me, but none ever tried anything since I was dating my hubby. I guess the reason I'm confused about this situation is because "C" professes he will not do anything to jeopardize the friendship w/hubby & his family, but at the same time he'll go on and on about what a catch I am and how lucky hubby is, and if the situation were different... So I'm just thinking, 'Okay, and you're telling me this why?'

Trust your gut... you sense something wrong as well as we do.

He's trying to proposition you but still leave himself a way out if its not taken up on. Not something a friend does to a "Friends" girlfriend much less wife. Even if the genders and roles are reversed. Like one of your friends doing it to your husband when you aren't there.

Yes... I've known guys that were that bold... one case it ended up with Mr. Bold sleeping with his best friends wife... and they got caught... and ended up divorced. So while its one thing to joke in front of your husband... its another to do it when nobody hears it but you two.

I don't believe you would take him up on it... but he's planting a seed in your mind hoping if you have a fight with hubby, you would give him a call. Like I said... seen it before.

[QLP]

He's trying it on and leaving himself some wggle room by dressing it up as friendship.

He is telling you this in the hope that you will bite, but leaving himself an excuse should you turn him down, tell your husband, etc.

If your marriage is stronger don't let this be the thing that weakens it. Ditch contact with this guy now.