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dominick11 · Apr 29, 2011, 08:43 PM

I believe I am the father of unborn boy. Girlfriend does not want child but will not let me have any part of decisions concerning child. Anyone know how I go about getting a paternity test before she can give my child up for adoption. If child is mine, I want him, she says no way I can have him and she doesn't want him... what are my rights?

joypulv · Apr 30, 2011, 04:53 AM

Read the Putative Father Registry post under Family Law.
Answer back with your state for any more questions, such as if she decides to have an abortion instead, as laws vary by state.

ScottGem · Apr 30, 2011, 06:22 AM

She can't give the child up for adoption without your permission. So as soon as the child is born you file for custody.

Here's a link to the post Joy referred to:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ry-344695.html

J_9 · Apr 30, 2011, 06:27 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

She can't give the child up for adoption without your permission. So as soon as the child is born you file for custody.

Here's a link to the post Joy referred to:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ry-344695.html

She can, though, list the father as unknown. So it would be in the OPs best interest to hire an attorney.

AK lawyer · Apr 30, 2011, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

She can, though, list the father as unknown. So it would be in the OPs best interest to hire an attorney.

That's what Putative Father Registries are for, as joypulv suggested.

You have no rights until the baby is born.

For technical reasons, paternity testing is not practical until after the baby is born.

On the day after the child is born, be prepared to sue her for custody. Obviously you will need an attorney to be brought up-to-speed now.

ScottGem · Apr 30, 2011, 06:39 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

She can, though, list the father as unknown. So it would be in the OPs best interest to hire an attorney.

I believe that's where the Putative Father's Registry comes into play. The courts would require her to identify all potential fathers so they could be tested. If she claims rape there would need to be a police report.

I believe the courts will check the Registry to see if the father is registered.

J_9 · Apr 30, 2011, 06:41 AM

I'm glad you all know about the Putative Father's Registry. I just know at the hospital that the gals always list the fathers as "unknown."

Just goes to show that we make a pretty good team here at AMHD!

AK lawyer · Apr 30, 2011, 06:46 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm glad you all know about the Putative Father's Registry. ...

Only problem is that a PFR doesn't exist everywhere.

joypulv · Apr 30, 2011, 07:57 AM

(My personal feelings go against putative fathers in most cases.)
But this is a legal question, and I do think you need a lawyer, given all the ways the mother can avoid you, from moving to parts unknown to declaring 'father unknown' at the birth.
You can watch her every move until the moment of birth and reveal nothing about your plans, or you can attempt to keep track with legal help.
It wouldn't be ethical in my opinion to spring your plans on everyone the day of the birth, because adoptive parents often get involved way before birth - another reason to get a lawyer.
The dust hasn't settled on all the legalities of father's rights. Talk about something new under the sun: since mankind began, the mother was the only provable parent. When Shakespeare said 'It's a wise man who knows his own son,' he was referring to knowing if he was the father or not.
It is heart wrenching to hear some stories on this topic and about in vitro, sperm donors, adoption, and surrogate mothers.

cdad · Apr 30, 2011, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by dominick11

I believe I am the father of unborn boy. Girlfriend does not want child but will not let me have any part of decisions concerning child. Anyone know how I go about getting a paternity test before she can give my child up for adoption. If child is mine, I want him, she says no way I can have him and she doesnt want him....what are my rights?

You could file for paternity now and have the courts order the testing after the birth. That way she would be court ordered to notify you when the birth occurred. Then a DNA test can be done. If the mother decides abortion you have no choices in the matter. This would also stop the child from being adopted out after the birth without you knowing.

AK lawyer · Apr 30, 2011, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

...
It wouldn't be ethical in my opinion to spring your plans on everyone the day of the birth, because adoptive parents often get involved way before birth - ...

So he should telegraph his plans to the mother in advance of the birth? If she lies about knowing who the father is, you think she would tell the adoptive parents about him? Did Washington tell the Hessians in advance that he was going to cross the Delaware and attack them? I don't think so.

And, of course, fore-warn her and she can do a number of sneaky things.

No, I disagree, obviously. If he is serious about getting rights to his child he should not tell the mother anything until he does it.

Originally Posted by califdadof3

... If the mother decides abortion ... This would also stop the child from being adopted out after the birth without you knowing.

Ya think? :rolleyes:

joypulv · Apr 30, 2011, 06:31 PM

I stated the sneaky option first and the open knowledge option second.
I then said what I think are the ethics of the matter.

OP is spouting off about 'my child' - it isn't his child. It's a shared child. And with the woman doing all the work and putting her life on the line, it's a heck of a lot more hers. She doesn't want this man in her life!

What's to stop HIM from suing her for child support once he has the child??

(And I know men can't stop abortion in the US but OP hasn't said where he's from. And if lawsuits have happened in other countries, what's to stop them from happening here?)

Synnen · May 1, 2011, 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I stated the sneaky option first and the open knowledge option second.
I then said what I think are the ethics of the matter.

OP is spouting off about 'my child' - it isn't his child. It's a shared child. And with the woman doing all the work and putting her life on the line, it's a heck of a lot more hers. She doesn't want this man in her life!

What's to stop HIM from suing her for child support once he has the child????

NOTHING is stopping him from going after child support after she has the child. Just like NOTHING would stop HER from going after HIM for child support, even if he didn't want the child.

Happens ALL the time.

And it took BOTH of them to make the child. If she didn't want this man in her life, she shouldn't have had sex with him. End of story.

joypulv · May 2, 2011, 04:47 AM

It's a never ending story. Courts are clogged with this story. DNA evidence is still creating new law in many areas.
A man can decide to split 9 seconds after making a baby (and we don't know what happened between this pair). A woman has to deal with what is in her body long after he's gone.

There are cases of state jumping - the mother gives birth in another state, requiring a whole new claim of putative fatherhood. Lawsuits are dragging on and on. Not end of story at all.
Can he sue to stop her from doing that? I don't think so, since he is a putative father until after the birth.
Can he get child support from her if he wins? (A pound cake to the person who can answer that one.)