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Hottrodder246 · Nov 1, 2010, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's my husband's middle name too. If this works for you, I will give your gf a list, and she can do the same with my husband.

Ok so today was the first day I saw her in class after we broke up and things went real smooth except I went to reach for her hand, which was dumb I know, and she straight up denied me. I felt a little bit bad over it but when can you do.

Coming from a female perspective, what would you expect to see in me at least? I know its hard to answer considering your not in her shoes.

Wondergirl · Nov 1, 2010, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

Coming from a female perspective, what would you expect to see in me at least?

What are the rules?

Homegirl 50 · Nov 1, 2010, 02:27 PM

Well when you have broken up, you do not touch without permission.

Hottrodder246 · Nov 1, 2010, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What are the rules?

I don't know to be honest. I mean we said the feelings are the same a couple days ago but after class she said she felt uncomfortable with me trying to go for her hand and that wanted space. She also said she feels like I am expecting us to get back together. And she said she just wants to have what is best for her.

Wondergirl · Nov 1, 2010, 02:39 PM

Okay. You and she need to hammer out and write down "The Rules." ASAP.

You and I talked about having a signal to cut out your "sarcasm and stupidity," so we got that done. "Stupidity" covers a lot of area in someone's life. Is grabbing for her hand "stupidity"? We need to know "The Rules."

e.g.
1. No touching in public or private. She makes the first move if she wants to touch.
2. No sarcastic humor directed at her or about her.
3. Phone calls only on Wednesday nights.
4. Texting anytime. There may not be a reply if textee is engaged in homework, chores, other activities.

Hottrodder246 · Nov 1, 2010, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Okay. You and she need to hammer out and write down "The Rules." ASAP.

You and I talked about having a signal to cut out your "sarcasm and stupidity," so we got that done. "Stupidity" covers a lot of area in someone's life. Is grabbing for her hand "stupidity"? We need to know "The Rules."

e.g.,
1. No touching in public or private. She makes the first move if she wants to touch.
2. No sarcastic humor directed at her or about her.
3. Phone calls only on Wednesday nights.
4. Texting anytime. There may not be a reply if textee is engaged in homework, chores, other activities.

I like the idea but don't you think she might take this a little ridiculous, maybe a little too involved in this or no?

Wondergirl · Nov 1, 2010, 02:51 PM

Right now she has all the power. That's not fair, as we have discovered. You can twitch your nose, and she can say your middle name or object. Therefore, in order to prevent her from calling anything and everything "sarcastic or stupid," she needs to make a list of what is forbidden, so you will know what to avoid doing.

She's taken what we had set up as a fun thing to do to curb your sarcasm/stupidity (whatever that is) and has turned it into a police state in which you can't even reach for her hand.

Hottrodder246 · Nov 1, 2010, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Right now she has all the power. That's not fair, as we have discovered. You can twitch your nose, and she can say your middle name or object. Therefore, in order to prevent her from calling anything and everything "sarcastic or stupid," she needs to make a list of what is forbidden, so you will know what to avoid doing.

She's taken what we had set up as a fun thing to do to curb your sarcasm/stupidity (whatever that is) and has turned it into a police state in which you can't even reach for her hand.

Ya I totally feel like I'm helpless almost right now and she deciding the fate of this relationship, its really unfair and it honestly makes me sad :confused:

Wondergirl · Nov 1, 2010, 03:05 PM

Okay. How can we fix this? Her pulling her hand away in the way she did was not fair. SHE broke a rule, to my way of thinking. Maybe we need to give her a signal word too, to pull her up short when she goofs. She could have handled that a lot smoother and less offensively. For example, she could have given your hand a little squeeze and whispered, "Not right now. Wait until we're alone and I'm not preoccupied with XYZ." If she jerks her hand away later when you're alone and she's not preoccupied, then I'll want to strangle her.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 1, 2010, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

I don't know to be honest. I mean we said the feelings are the same a couple days ago but after class she said she felt uncomfortable with me trying to go for her hand and that wanted space. She also said she feels like I am expecting us to get back together. And she said she just wants to have what is best for her.

I'm not understanding what the problem is. It sounds to me like she does not want you back.
Why are you even going there with her? Why are you not doing NC?

Hottrodder246 · Nov 1, 2010, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Okay. How can we fix this? Her pulling her hand away in the way she did was not fair. SHE broke a rule, to my way of thinking. Maybe we need to give her a signal word too, to pull her up short when she goofs. She could have handled that a lot smoother and less offensively. For example, she could have given your hand a little squeeze and whispered, "Not right now. Wait until we're alone and I'm not preoccupied with XYZ." If she jerks her hand away later when you're alone and she's not preoccupied, then I'll want to strangle her.

I got to be honest, I think Im starting to read too much into this, Im causing myself a ton of anxiety. Here's my plan... I'm going to continue to work on me (school, gym, work) and just take it easy with her, I understand why she pulled her hand away, I know how she is, its OK. But I don't want to get to detailed with this cause then both of us are going to be fed up with it, so space is important along with being casual, and she knows I'm there for her... whatever is meant to be is meant to be.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 1, 2010, 04:44 PM

I think that is wise.

Hottrodder246 · Nov 11, 2010, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think that is wise.

Hey, so I just wanted to give you guys an update on everything. As of now, its been 2 weeks since we officially broke up. I know when I was last speaking to you guys, I had said she was asking for space and being non relationship type. A couple days after that, just out of no where she gave me a hug and a kiss hello and ever since then we have been holding hands and kissing and basically back to normal but not back to official or anything. As of now we are being casual about everything, seeing where it goes and we both agreed not to talk about relationship stuff. And plus I am still being cautious and giving her space. So I just wanted to let you guys know what's up and feel free to give any advice :)

Wondergirl · Nov 12, 2010, 12:00 AM

I'm so glad you came back to update us. We always love updates! The real question is, how do you feel about your relationship right now? Are you comfortable with it? It's a good thing to get to know each other better and learn to trust each other, so that part's okay with me.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 12, 2010, 09:46 AM

My only concern is there has been no resolution or discussion as to what went wrong in the first place.
If this casual friendship is OK with you, it's your life. Get acquainted

Hottrodder246 · Nov 12, 2010, 11:41 AM

As of right now I feel good for the most part. She is doing her thing and I am doing mine. Like I said before I am trying to be cautious and giving her space. We're still making plans to hang out and do friendly things... like tomorrow we are going to a museum just for the fun of it :). I do notice one thing though... she hesitates at times to be affectionate and when she isn't in the mood for it, I better not do anything affectionate lol. Its kind of a funny thing. Other than that I don't have a problem with our status. And again I am taking it easy and seeing what happens. On another note, I am seeing a counselor now to help with my anxiety and my temper problem, going to see where that takes me.

Wondergirl · Nov 12, 2010, 12:14 PM

I'm proud of the way you're handing this, hottrodder, and hope things work out with the counselor.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 12, 2010, 12:28 PM

Well you are well on your way.
I wish you well

Hottrodder246 · Nov 12, 2010, 02:50 PM

Thanks you both. There is one more thing that kind of bothers me. It could just be me but I need a girls perspective. Sometimes I will ask her for a kiss and she straight up says no. I don't understand it, we are affectionate when she wants to be and that's how it goes. I still feel like she is in control somewhat but its not terrible. Is it a mistake to try and bend over backwards to make this work? Cause sometimes, not all the time, I feel like that's happening and she isn't reciprocating. It could just be me over thinking things, but I don't know.

Wondergirl · Nov 12, 2010, 02:57 PM

Have you asked HER about the kissing thing? It may be her chance to be in control, but I could be very wrong. (Maybe she just doesn't feel like her breath is fresh enough.)