[ginasalza]

My husband of 2 1/2 years has just received a summons to appear in court for paternity. This child is going to be 5. He had a relationship with this girl and knew she had gotten pregnant. He wanted to do the right thing to marry her so I guess they were engaged but then she said that it was not his child. She was cheating on him with an ex boyfriend. She left NJ and he has not heard from her until now.She is living in FL, has 3 children now and is married...
I'm really having a hard time accepting that we have to pay support. I have two children from a previous marriage, one in college and one in HS. Then we have one child together. Will the judge take in consideration that we have a huge mortgage, college tuition and daycare? I think I may need counciling over this... Any suggestions?

[JudyKayTee]

My husband of 2 1/2 years has just received a summons to appear in court for paternity. This child is going to be 5. He had a relationship with this girl and knew she had gotten pregnant. He wanted to do the right thing to marry her so I guess they were engaged but then she said that it was not his child. She was cheating on him with an ex boyfriend. She left NJ and he has not heard from her until now.She is living in FL, has 3 children now and is married...
I'm really having a hard time accepting that we have to pay support. I have two children from a previous marriage, one in college and one in HS. Then we have one child together. Will the judge take in consideration that we have a huge mortgage, college tuition and daycare? I think I may need counciling over this.... Any suggestions?

Here is a fill-in-the-blanks form which will give you an idea of the guidelines Florida uses.

Has he had DNA testing to determine whether the child is actually his?

As far as counselling - do you mean some sort of relationship help or legal counselling?

You are a LOT more calm than I would be. Did you know any of this before he got served?

[ginasalza]

I'm not calm at all! I think I'm losing my mind! His lawyer told him to call and get a DNA done but the woman at the family service office said that it has to be court ordered. So we have to wait for court in OCT. I've seen pictures on-line; she has a myspace page. Unfortuantly the child does look like him and it's totally freaking me out! I'm angry!

[JudyKayTee]

This is out of place on the legal boards BUT did you know anything about the situation/child? I have a neighbor, married about 5 years, (literally) the doorbell rings, she answers - and a woman thrusts a child toward her, says "This is Ed's kid," and walks away. And, yes, it was his child by an obviously disturbed woman. And, yes, my neighbors got custody and have raised the child. Husband never thought to mention it or at least his suspicions.

Yes, DNA is not recognized unless it's Court ordered.

The mother has the child's photo posted on myspace?

Good grief. I know people do that but I see warning after warning that it's dangerous.

[ginasalza]

Yes, he did tell me about it but I blew it off thinking that it probably wasn't his. Just knowing that I'm a mom and what I would do if it were me. I thought too much time had gone by for someone to do this. Yes, she has a myspace page. In her filing for paternity she claimed she wasn't married but I found her marriage license on-line and gave it to our lawyer. I can't help but dig for info... Well; I guess we all are proud of our kids and that's one way of showing others...

[JudyKayTee]

Yes, he did tell me about it but I blew it off thinking that it probably wasn't his. Just knowing that I'm a mom and what I would do if it were me. I thought too much time had gone by for someone to do this. Yes, she has a myspace page. In her filing for paternity she claimed she wasn't married but I found her marriage lisence on-line and gave it to our lawyer. I can't help but dig for info.... Well; I guess we all are proud of our kids and that's one way of showing others...

I guess -

I wish you well. (Good investigating, by the way - I should know. I'm actually a liability investigator.)

[ginasalza]

Thanks. How do we convince the Judge?

[JudyKayTee]

If your husband is the father he will pay support. It's as simple as that. The Court will look at income and expenses but I guarantee child support will be ordered.

[ginasalza]

Why is it OK that a mother can take a child away from the biological father? I feel that that was her choice and that she should not be able to come back afterwards. He has made another life and new commits. Guess life isn't fair... I just hope the judge does not use my income when they calculate. I can barely make ends meet now.

[JudyKayTee]

Why is it ok that a mother can take a child away from the biological father? I feel that that was her choice and that she should not be able to come back afterwards. He has made another life and new commits. Guess life isn't fair.... I just hope the judge does not use my income when they calculate. I can barely make ends meet now.

She didn't necessarily take him away - and I know you don't want to hear this - BUT your husband had the legal right to demand DNA testing when the child was born in order to protect himself from this situation now. Also, if he thought "maybe" he was the father, perhaps he should have wanted to know.

If child support is not paid, is the child the one being punished? I don't know - that's a question for the Court to answer after reviewing the financials.

I feel bad for you - but the law is what it is.

[ginasalza]

Are there any ways that I can protect myself from this child getting money from me?