[JudyKayTee]

I'd let him love and appreciate you - I just wouldn't allow him access to your body.

You can't tell the difference between love and sex (from what I am reading) and I don't know if he can or can't.

[scpark]

I'd let him love and appreciate you - I just wouldn't allow him access to your body.

You can't tell the difference between love and sex (from what I am reading) and I don't know if he can or can't.

I am talking about heart not body here. Please see my title. “How can I win his heart?” Does it sound like I am discussing about my sex life to you? You got wrong impression. Yes, we have great chemistry, but that it not the only one element I am looking for from my boy friend. I want him as a whole person, especially with full his heart. I am falling for him.

[Homegirl 50]

You can't win his heart if it is elsewhere.
Has he broken all ties with his ex?
I think this relationship is moving way too fast. You are allowing him to just move you along at his pace so you don't take the time to stop and think about what's going on.

[vanheart]

I hope you are not confusing love with infatuation, control and selfishness.

Honestly, this has reeked from your OP.

Romance at work, the games, the baggage, the ex, the rushing & flip-flopping.

I think you were wooed by his prowess at work, and wanted to catch him in a net. But underneath, he's a different story. Incapable at this time, but probably doesn't mind have someone in proximity worshiping him. All at his discretion.

Some women think that makes them worthy or successful when they bag a guy they put on a pedestal.

My ex was like that. Always moving from pedestal to pedestal. Twisted actually.

I agree with homegirl:

"I think this relationship is moving way too fast"

[scpark]

You can't win his heart if it is elsewhere.
Has he broken all ties with his ex?
I think this relationship is moving way too fast. You are allowing him to just move you along at his pace so you don't take the time to stop and think about what's going on.

Yes, he has not contacted his ex at all. We have been together almost every day, and I just know.

Here is the story about his ex relationship. When he started to date his ex about 4 years ago, he traveled a lot due to his job. His ex complained about his travel a lot, and made him guilty all the time. However, he was too ambitious, ignored her negging, and focused on his career more than her. His ex became unhappy, started cheat on him, and got married to the person she cheated with very quickly. His ex even sent the wedding invitation to him while he was in business trip. He was very shocked and hurt by the fact. He tried to move on, focused on his career and did not even date anyone for a year. A year after though, his ex showed up, told him she was not happy in the marriage, she made a big mistake, and wanted to come back. He should not, but he started to talk to her, and it became affair. She lives in Asia, and he visited about 4-5 times since. His ex is still married strangely, but claiming that she has no choice but has to divorce due to the affair, and he should be sorely responsible & take her back. It is not a pretty story, but hey, nobody is perfect. I am OK with that. I think the woman is not a good wife material for anyone.

I found he is very defensive about his job, and he is concerned if I will mind his busy schedule. I think everything has cost. His career has been actually ruining his private life. I am seeing him as a lonely man, who is seeking an understandable & loving woman to be with. I think I can make him happy.

Yes, I know we are both passionate and affectionate, and we are moving too fast. I also know his heart is just with me now.

[vanheart]

"He should not, but he started to talk to her, and it became affair. "

"I am OK with that"

Like I said: Be careful what you wish for.
You may be the next.

"His career has been actually ruining his private life"
"I think I can make him happy"

He has to fix things on his own volition. Not by a savior.

[I wish]

Time will tell what decisions he makes. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a good track record, as he was willing to be with a women who was already married, even though it was his ex. That just shows that he's not emotionally stable and can easily be infactuated by lust.

If you continue, I would say, proceed with caution, otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for a huge heartbreak.

[JudyKayTee]

I am talking about heart not body here. Please see my title. “How can I win his heart?” Does it sound like I am discussing about my sex life to you? You got wrong impression. Yes, we have great chemistry, but that it not the only one element I am looking for from my boy friend. I want him as a whole person, especially with full his heart. I am falling for him.

We are on such opposite sides of this that I can't quite believe it. You WANT him as a whole person with "full his heart." You are looking for ownership, not a relationship.

What he did to "her" he will do to you.

And would you please answer my question about your management job and inability to express yourself? I think some of the details in your posts are something less than truthful.

My spidey senses are tingling and I am pretty good at it.

On the other hand you don't want to listen, you want to chat, and this is not a chat board.

[scpark]

It is constantly negative, and quite insulting. I do what I told you so, and I have no reason to put up your hostility any longer. It is so strange that some people are just mean. It will ruin the whole image about this board.

I think I better to leave you guys, so you can help others who seeks advice to resolve own issues. The rest of members are very thoughtful and helpful on this board, and I truly appreciate it. Good luck everyone!

[vanheart]

This site isn't, as I know it, isn't concerned with image. Just dedication. Helping as best as pssible.

I wish you luck if you decide to leave.

You have received, in my opinion advice that is right on.

Its for you to soak it in. Take a step back.

I think about your original question:
"how can i win his heart"

That's loaded. "win"? And "his" heart. Its not a game.
As others have said, in so many words:

No. Love comes from within. Not to be forced.

If you want to come back, were here.

[I wish]

Everyone has their own opinion, but at the end of the day, it's your decision on how you proceed. We all provide advice based on what you tell us, but it's up to you to screen out which advice you want. But everyone is giving you advice based on what they believe is the best advice for you.

At the end of the day, as long as you're happy and at peace with your decisions, then all the better for you!

[Starry nights]

Scpark-we have all gone through bad,broken relationships.All posters and advice givers here are here for the reason to either get a perspective on their relationships or help others get that perspective.I can't tell you how much I benefitted by sharing here.You need to see my earlier posts to believe it.

I understand now,more than ever,the need to face truth,the healing power of knowing I am not alone,that its not always me that's ruined things,that its not always the other person who's ruined things but maybe another factor like "It just wasnt meant to be"that could be at play.I have learnt so much about my strengths and weaknesses by interacting here.And I have learnt the most valuable lesson I could never have learnt if I weren't here :I won't settle.If that means being on my own for the rest of my life,so be it,but what matters most is the fact that today,I feel happy and whole and at peace.Today I feel composed,relaxed and closer to myself and to my God.All because I walked through fire just a year/couple of years back when everything was going wrong--my relationship fell apart,work wasn't that great and many such issues.

It was all related and all moving in a vicious circle and ripping me apart.I had people to talk to,listen to me,without getting any real help.Because I was looking everywhere else apart from WITHIN.Posters here taught me the power of self love,of knowing myself,of searching WITHIN.

All our answers are there--deep inside of us.Sometimes when feelings cloud our mind's eye,God gives us other means of seeing.Through other people's advice/help.Which I got here.

The point of all this is I just want to reassure you,we are here to help you see yourself and your situation better.Of course we can't give you a cheatsheet on how to proceed in your situation because we don't know.Nobody does.

Go with your gut,know yourself more,keep having internal discourses with your inner self(sound too heavy?Actually isn't,its like you talk to yourself as though talking to your best friend),find out what is it you REALLY truly want.And always evaluate as objectively as possible,what deal the person on the other side is giving you and whether that deal suits you as a human being.

All the best.