Check out some similar questions!

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 26, 2010, 02:59 PM

I currently have joint/joint. I am expecting another baby (that the kids have been asking for). I am not moving in with the new father and we are planning to get married in time (we like our lives this way), we are both professionals. So, the kids would just have a new sibling but not a new step-parent. Would any of you think of any reasons I would lose my current custody arrangement?

JudyKayTee · Jul 26, 2010, 03:02 PM

I can see that the Court could be concerned that you will be raising this "new" child as a single mother. I have never seen a Court take a stance against a step parent arrangement (unless the "step" is somehow abusive).

I don't know why you would lose your custody arrangement unless for whatever reason your "ex" finds the situation dangerous. For example, do you have the financial resources, time, will your joint children be sort of shuffled aside to make room for the baby.

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 26, 2010, 03:11 PM

1. Not at all, I have time and money to raise plenty of children, I own my own business and can hire a nanny or even a live-in nanny/relative. The custody arrangement is Thurs-Monday for my custody time, and since that is a non-school time, we can all do all kinds of fun things together.
2. I don't want to uproot the children once again, I tried a relationship that backfired; they like my current partner and in time we might move in, but for at least a few years, this will be the chosen arrangement.

BTW- many thanks for the reply :)

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 26, 2010, 03:13 PM

Oh, the father of the new baby will be very involved both time-wise and financially, we have agreed on parenting time, money, etc, we are both older and with our own lives and businesses, so I would not be raising it as a single mom, I just don't want to introduce a step-dad to my current children.

cdad · Jul 27, 2010, 03:59 AM

If you didn't go through the courts then agreeing to something doesn't mean anything. It needs to be through court order. Also having another child is grounds for a change in custody. It represents a substantial change. I find it sad you treat children like possesions and not living beings. You refer to your child as it is disturbing to me.

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 27, 2010, 05:01 AM

I don't understand your reply-which part needs to be Court Ordered? Also, I do not yet know the sex of the baby, so what would you call it? He? She? He-she? PS: You don't know me, you cannot judge what kind of parent I am, my children are much better adjusted and emotionally and physically and cognitively advanced that most children their age, everyone from their pediatrician to their therapist to their coaches mention these facts repeatedly. If you knew my life story, you would understand. Can't blame you, you only read two lines, and I have expressed myself very curtly on purpose as to hide my identity, but there is only one thing that matters to me: that my children will learn to love the world as God and I love them.

ScottGem · Jul 27, 2010, 05:32 AM

What I can see is the father of your children trying to make a case that you are presenting a questionable role model for his children by having sex and a baby with a person you are not married to or living with.

Fifty years ago, that argument probably would have lost you custody. In today's world, it's a toss up. Depends on the judge.

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 27, 2010, 06:11 AM

Thanks for all the replies, very kind of you all. I talked to the top attny in the area and he said that having another baby and moving on with your life after divorce is definitely a non-issue. PS: We live in a world where a Black man from a single parent household is the leader of the New World, so I can make the argument that my children are all going to turn out better that children from married households ;)

JudyKayTee · Jul 27, 2010, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by lifeisgoodtoo

Thanks for all the replies, very kind of you all. I talked to the top attny in the area and he said that having another baby and moving on with your life after divorce is definitely a non-issue. PS: We live in a world where a Black man from a single parent household is the leader of the New World, so I can make the argument that my children are all going to turn out better that children from married households ;)

I've stayed out of this until now because you've chosen to take a defensive posture and I wasn't going to further fuel the argument - I fail to see how a Black man from a single parent household leading the new World and your decision to be an unmarried mother are related. Maybe if you hadn't thrown the word "Black" into the mix this would hold more weight.

Your children are seeing a therapist?

Once again - people post all the time and when they don't like the answer they turn defensive and/or argumentative. I don't understand why you are even here, asking this question, when a top Attorney has given you legal advice - you are double checking that advice?

Scott is right - the father of your children can make any argument ranging from your morals to your ability to raise another child to just about anything else. Whether he'll win depends on whether his top Attorney trumps your top Attorney.

GV70 · Jul 27, 2010, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by lifeisgoodtoo

PS: We live in a world where a Black man from a single parent household is the leader of the New World

Bah!! And it is about what??

ScottGem · Jul 27, 2010, 09:34 AM

I also have to agree that your argument is mixing apples and oranges. Like I said 50 or so years ago, the father of your children would probably win custody on the argument that your morals are not a good role model. In today's world with children being born to unmarried couples a much more commonplace event, it is not the slam dunk it was in the past. But a judge certainly could rule against you on that basis. If you go into court with the attitude that this is your life and you are entitled to make your own decisions you will probably alienate the judge.

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 27, 2010, 11:11 AM

1. My children will always see a therapist and so should everyone and their children, we go to the dentist and the physician, and why not a therapist?

2. I mentioned the word 'Black' because naysayers would have never believed that it could have ever been possible, just like naysayers that speak against the successful upbringing of children that have divorced parents; at least the fathers of my children are involved 50-50% every day, with money and time and love (and I would not have it any other way!)

3. Yes, I do have a top attorney, and I regret ever entering this site where people obviously are eager to make emotional and hurtful statements rather than rational, helpful ones backed up by evidence, research, previous cases; I thought this is a 'legal' site, not a 'burning on the stake' site. My bad.

Well, I am moving on to other sites, you guys have fun, but I appreciate the feedback, it's been entertaining to say the least LOL

JudyKayTee · Jul 27, 2010, 11:15 AM

How adult is "LOL"? That alone raises flags for me.

I don't think the average American (raised by a single parent or not) is in therapy. I could be wrong - I'm sure someone will look up the stastics. Dentists/Physicians do semi-annual or annual checkups. The therapist? I trust you are also going - ?

Sorry, mentioning that Obama is Black (which I think we all recognized before you told us) has nothing to do with your situation and is offensive - the fatherS of your children? More than one?

Why are you here, second guessing your top Attorney?

Bye.

this8384 · Jul 27, 2010, 11:52 AM

Originally Posted by lifeisgoodtoo

I currently have joint/joint. I am expecting another baby (that the kids have been asking for). I am not moving in with the new father and we are planning to get married in time (we like our lives this way), we are both professionals. So, the kids would just have a new sibling but not a new step-parent. Would any of you think of any reasons why I would lose my current custody arrangement?

As Scott already said, this depends on the judge. I've seen mothers lose primary placement(physical custody) of young children because of the exact situation you're putting yourself in - in a relationship, no plans to marry, having a child together. The judge ruled that the father had a more stable living environment and granted him primary placement of the baby. The mother appealed the decision, citing that the judge had used inappropriate means to determine that her living situation was unstable - the court upheld the judge's ruling.

I also am concerned that you threw in that your kids "have been asking for a baby." Kids ask for a lot of things; being a good parent means saying no sometimes.

Also, your comment that you "can hire a nanny" isn't going to bode well with the courts. They like parent-child interaction, not nanny-child interaction. If the father(s) of the child(ren) are able to provide personal care or have a family member do so, that's also going to be a strike against you.

No, I do not believe that the "average" family attends therapy. My stepchildren see therapists because they have been getting lied to for the past five years and are so beaten down and confused from seeing one thing and being told to lie about it. You absolutely cannot compare seeing a therapist to a bi-annual trip to the dentist - absolutely not.

And the argument wasn't about divorced families, it was about single parenting. If you are divorced, the child's other parent is still involved in their life. What if your new guy decides to up and split one day? Then your two oldest children will have both parents, while the baby is going to be raised in a single parent household.

And just as everyone else is, I'm still trying to figure out what Obama has to do with your custody case.

ScottGem · Jul 27, 2010, 11:56 AM

1. You go to the dentist to treat your teeth. You go to a physician to treat an illness. You go to a therapist to treat a problem. If no problem exists, then why need a therapist? I don't know what world you were brought up in, but seeing a therapist is not the norm.

2. The problem was your use of an example that had no bearing on the issue you raised. No one spoke against the successful upbringing of children of divorced parents. You asked a question about whether your having another child, out of wedlock would affect your custody. That question was answered with the reality.

3. No one was "eager" to make statements of any kind except to deal with the issues you raised. Again your question was answered. The people who answer questions here volunteer their time and expertise. Why should we spend the time doing research, providing evidence, previous cases for you for free? Even if we wanted to do such research you didn't give us enough info (i.e. your general location) to do the research.

Bottom line is that your question was answered. I doubt if you will get any different answer on any other site. And I wonder why you would be continuing the research since you have a "top attorney's" opinion.

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 27, 2010, 12:20 PM

Thank you, this8384, now this is an educated answer. Like I said, I have already consulted with Top Shark, but sounds like you are well qualified, as well. It doesn't hurt to have different perspectives. Many thanks, and I would recommend YOU to anyone as their attorney.

JudyKayTee · Jul 27, 2010, 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by lifeisgoodtoo

Thank you, this8384, now this is an educated answer. Like I said, I have already consulted with Top Shark, but sounds like you are well qualified, as well. It doesn't hurt to have different perspectives. Many thanks, and I would recommend YOU to anyone as their attorney.

Apparently you agreed with OP - have to laugh. Put out your shingle and start practicing.

Can I come to work for you? Maybe Scott, too?

this8384 · Jul 27, 2010, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Apparently you agreed with OP - have to laugh. Put out your shingle and start practicing.

Can I come to work for you? Maybe Scott, too?

Of course, I'll hire you all :D

In fact, my attorney told me on Sunday to open my own detective agency. Care to open a Wisconsin branch? ;)

this8384 · Jul 27, 2010, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by lifeisgoodtoo

Thank you, this8384, now this is an educated answer. Like I said, I have already consulted with Top Shark, but sounds like you are well qualified, as well. It doesn't hurt to have different perspectives. Many thanks, and I would recommend YOU to anyone as their attorney.

While I appreciate the compliment, I have to say that the other advice you've gotten is very sound. I've turned to every one of these people when I needed personal legal advice.

I have nowhere near some of the training that some of these individuals have; I just like to share what I know.

lifeisgoodtoo · Jul 27, 2010, 12:48 PM

1. You go to the dentist to treat your teeth. You go to a physician to treat an illness. You go to a therapist to treat a problem. If no problem exists, then why need a therapist? I don't know what world you were brought up in, but seeing a therapist is not the norm.

* because they went through the War of the Roses and we all needed skills in how to efficiently communicate with the children and with each other;

2. The problem was your use of an example that had no bearing on the issue you raised. No one spoke against the successful upbringing of children of divorced parents. You asked a question about whether your having another child, out of wedlock would affect your custody. That question was answered with the reality.

* please clarify-what do you mean by reality?

3. No one was "eager" to make statements of any kind except to deal with the issues you raised. Again your question was answered. The people who answer questions here volunteer their time and expertise. Why should we spend the time doing research, providing evidence, previous cases for you for free? Even if we wanted to do such research you didn't give us enough info (i.e. your general location) to do the research.

* please do not advertise as 'free' if you are not willing to do so- I am a professional, and if I take on a client 'for free' then I treat them just as the clients that pay top $

Bottom line is that your question was answered. I doubt if you will get any different answer on any other site. And I wonder why you would be continuing the research since you have a "top attorney's" opinion.

* I asked the question yesterday, and I spoke with my attorney today, so, in the meantime, I got an answer.
__________________