Check out some similar questions!

cataclysmicdolphin · Jun 14, 2010, 10:05 PM

I'm really confused about the situation. I love this girl more than anything. We did everything for each other. She did more for me. She cooked, did my laundry, bought me whatever I wanted (even though I don't ask for anything - she would give out of the kindness of her heart) and more importantly loved me unconditionally.

So why did I break up with her? Well first of all life is moving fast and times are changing and evolution is needed to sustain a relationship according to her. We met senior high in high school and have stayed together the WHOLE time. She has lived with me and my family in my house for a year. That time wasn't the best as I felt that I didn't have any freedom or whatever. But that's not relevant to my story right now.

We both went to a local community college after high school. Finishing getting our undergrads done then plans to go to a University. That's all fine and everything but I was pretty much manipulated in a very subtle way to either move in with her in an apartment during college, or we break up. This is mostly due to her finances and not being able to afford a 2 bedroom with another roommate. This put me in an uncomfortable position. Not to mention that things started to get more serious. She had more demands from me. She said that every relationship has to evolve and that we have to take it to the next level -- moving in together. We've done this before in my family home, but finances and everything was taken care of there. She wants the relationship to go to the next step but I don't have a next step.

Keep in mind that this girl is my first serious relationship. I feel like if I continue to the next step I'll eventually be caught in a spiral that will continue to marriage, and I'm not ready for that. I have in recent times thought about stepping out of my comfort zone and dating. Experiencing other women and trying new things. I told her that I don't want to "be one of those 35 year olds who marries their first real relationship but always wonders what it would be like to date around." Not to mention that we aren't really compatible sexually. She doesn't want to do some of the things that I want her to and that leads to sexual frustration and further resentment.

So finally I made a decision that I wanted to date and experience life before I settled down. (maybe not even with her - just thinking in the abstract) I told her this during our final break up conversation. She initially was very upset until I told her about the wanting to see other girls and not wanting to be that 35 year old who has regrets of not experiencing. She said she didn't want to hold me back and "Yeah, I'm the only person you've ever really been with." It sounded all good and everything and she's like "Promise we'll be best friends and that your future girlfriends won't impede our great relationship." I agreed.

She's always been close to my family (mom and two sisters). After our break up she contacts my mom trying to be even better in terms of their relationship and she adds my sisters as friends on her social networking sites. I found the recent adding of my family on her social networking sites was a very calculated and manipulative move. She also posts things online from our experiences that would cause me to reminisce.

Then the next day she comes over unannounced (I was thinking that this couldn't be Seinfeld) and says she doesn't want to be friends because every time she sees me she wants to kiss me or hold me and that it's too hard. We had a great relationship and had pet names and our own little lexicon. She also asked why I would want to give up something so rare and great for something I'm unsure about. So it's like she did a total 180 on the previous night's understanding of my situation to experience and date and be single while focusing on school while I get an apartment at my future University.

So regardless of my convoluted rambling of a summary what should I do? I'm really conflicted. I really love her but I do think it's time to move on and not drag her through a relationship I'm unsure about. I'm sure I love her and everything is great in my relationship, but I have a lingering eye and am curious about the dating scene and having my independence and experiencing new things.

It's weird because most of the links I look on online about post break up situations deal with bad breakups or shaky ones, not ones that are relevant to my situation. Because on the surface everything was fine, even great, but I just feel like it's time to be single for awhile and if dating comes up, then go on that path. I really do love her and don't know when I should start contact again. I might be the aggressor of the breakup, but I feel like I shouldn't be the enemy. Her friends are of course mad at me and our little circle of friends is disconnected.

Can you guys help me out with my concerns throughout my response? Thank you so much.

Should I regret my action also?

ZoeMarie · Jun 14, 2010, 10:43 PM

I think you did the right thing. If you're having second thoughts and think you want to date around, then that's what you should do. If you don't you're just going to resent her. She's right, however, that trying to remain friends after a breakup is hard, and quite honestly, not the best move.

aimee_tt · Jun 14, 2010, 10:49 PM

You did the right thing for yourself and your ex.

Once the hurt is out of the way you will move forward. But this is what's best for you both.

cataclysmicdolphin · Jun 14, 2010, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

I think you did the right thing. If you're having second thoughts and think you want to date around, then that's what you should do. If you don't you're just going to resent her. She's right, however, that trying to remain friends after a breakup is hard, and quite honestly, not the best move.

Even after our history, with her living with my family for a year (she considers my mom her mom, and my sisters her sisters). I mean that's why I feel like I'm in a bind. What about her relationship with them? I know I shouldn't stay with her because of that or guilt. I just guess time will tell.

ZoeMarie · Jun 14, 2010, 10:57 PM

Yeah, that's a hard situation. I would just take it one day at a time and see if she still comes around. Talk to your mom and your sisters about your concern.

cataclysmicdolphin · Jun 14, 2010, 11:07 PM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

yeah, that's a hard situation. I would just take it one day at a time and see if she still comes around. Talk to your mom and your sisters about your concern.

I did talk to them about my concern and they just make sure that I'm okay. I don't think they're as concerned about my ex as they are about me.

ZoeMarie · Jun 14, 2010, 11:16 PM

Well that's good. That's the way it should be.

mawtom · Jun 15, 2010, 04:19 AM

She is probably hurting and you can't help her with that. Just do your own thing. Don't stay in close contact or the situation will drag you down. She will, in time, move on as well. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones. There are so many people who end up getting married because they are on a roly coaster and don't know how to stop it. 35 years later, 3 kids later and 5 granchildren, they wonder whatever happened to their dreams.

talaniman · Jun 15, 2010, 12:21 PM

You're both right, and since the decision has been made, accept each others wishes, and get on with it.

cataclysmicdolphin · Jun 15, 2010, 02:37 PM

Threads merged

It more or less said that she loves me and misses me, and doesn't want to lose me as a friend. She said I wasn't just her boyfriend but her best friend. She said regardless if we get back together or not in the future I want you to know that you're the greatest love of my life and I will never forget that.

I feel that she's the great love of my life too.

Do I respond? We broke up 4 days ago. Any recommendations of if I should respond or what I shouldn't say if I do respond?

Maggerz · Jun 15, 2010, 02:43 PM

What caused you to break up?

cataclysmicdolphin · Jun 15, 2010, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by Maggerz

What caused you to break up?

She wanted the relationship to evolve and I didn't have a next step. I also felt that I wanted to be single, date, and focus on school. It wasn't a bad breakup, but I'm curious what to say back to her.

CarrotTalker · Jun 15, 2010, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by cataclysmicdolphin

but I'm curious what to say back to her.

Do what feels right, why do you need us to tell you how to feel?

talaniman · Jun 15, 2010, 03:14 PM

You better leave her alone to heal as that's what she needs after getting dumped by you after all this time.

Drop the love talk, so she can walk away with her dignity and self respect and get her life together.

If she were to ask me what SHE should do after this break up, I would tell her to leave you alone, so the emotions of hurt, pain, rejection, are not stirred up any more than they are, and false hope of things going back to the way it was is tearing her apart.

It will be hard enough without the added drama, and confusion.