[Ash123]

So I am trying to follow the steps of NC and keep wondering about part 14.) OK, here's the controversial part. You can break the silence if you wish one time. But if you really were silent after the break 100% they should contact you first. But if you have to try once -After 3 months, send the most casual message you can. No agenda.
"(A short FYI about the weather or an activity)...and.....Hope you are doing well." Just something helpful to them....
Her birthday is coming up on the first of June. Should I call/txt regardless? She did txt and then call me on my birthday...however the last time we spoke she said it would be best if we don't speak for awhile. See this link for my story

I don't think so... see below:
"She said it would be best if we don't speak for awhile."

You are expecting too much from the conversation. The one contact should be when all is calm at a later date IF you feel your friendship is alive... she has not said do not contact.
So not now. No need to feel guilty.

[artstar]

So obviously there are a lot of people preying on broken hearts who come up with these solutions on how to get an ex back. How many out there are trying to sell false hope? What are the signs that it is absolutely over? And what makes your advice different from the millions of gurus out on the net?

[FloridaFisher]

Man, I wish I found this guide before I spent a month of my life begging her back and trying to fix things other then my own issues only for her to continue confusing me and hurting me.

Good work, Ash.

Best advice people.. listen to this list.. and remember that no matter what you do you CAN'T control your lost loved one. You can only make them see they're making a mistake by letting them miss you and come to that conclusion/realization on their own.

They had issues clearly.. If these issues are yours then improve them.. If the issues are theirs then you have to let them figure that out.. assuming they ever do. Don't hold your breath.

[Ash123]

Don't forget: silence is power. Hold it until you are sure you can take bad news. It gives you one thing they don't have. Control over you. That should never be overlooked. You take back the power with absolute 100% silence.
Every layer you add (facebook, IM, email, phone, friends, hang-outs, family) that is not theirs will empower you.

NEWSFLASH: There WILL be other relationships, so LEARN from the last: why did they leave? Would you change anything? Was it their issue or yours?

Load 'em up. Move 'em out...

Ash

[Chris0107]

Ash,

Is there a way to email you or talk to you directly?

[Chris0107]

It is 6 in the morning and I woke up and cannot sleep, so I came here to share my story and maybe get feedback. I am a mess. Ash has impressed me and I hope I hear back from him as well. Forgive me, I am a little hung over.

We dated about a year, but only became serious about the last 6 months. He basically lived with me, had a key etc. We had problems and typical fighting. Every time he always seemed eager to work through it and always wanted to stay with me. Well, this time no. Wednesday of last week I was being stupid and needy, and complained that I didn't get enough affection. Blew it all out of proportion. Told him not to come over Thurs(the next night) cause I wanted to be alone. Thursday evening I got home from work and most of his stuff was gone. I immediately called him and asked why. He said he it was me that told him not to come, and he didn't know when he was coming back so he took a lot if his things. Then he said we should take a break for a few days until Monday(that just passed), and that maybe I need time away from him to realize he isn't so bad. I agreed to this even though I knew it would be hard for me.
The next night (Fri) I did well, I didn't contact him all day or evening, until I made the mistake of going on his Facebook (Its private but can still see his main pic) and it was a picture of him and a girl. I of course flipped out and called around midnight asking him is this picture about and told him to get the rest of his etc. He acted like I was crazy and said he would be glad to, and that he doesn't even know that girl and he liked the picture. Then said I am drama and he can't deal with it anymore. After we calmed down and talked on the phone for about an hour we went back to our original plan and agreed to wait until Monday before talking again and we would figure it out. He said we still needed a few days, and I said OK please don't come get your stuff until we decide what were going to do and talk, he said OK.

Now, fast forward. Gave him the time, didn't contact him all weekend. Monday finally comes, I am so excited and eager to talk to him. Been waiting all weekend. Text him in the afternoon, asking him to meet at my house and we can get a drink. No response. Text again a little later. No response. Call when I get off work. Nothing. Get home from work. Guess what, all his stuff is gone, Everything. Key on counter with a note saying "Here is your key back, Sorry it ended like this. I think you're a great person and I'll miss you, but I don't think we should get back together. Let me know if I forgot anything" Just like that. Done. He was gone. I tried calling A MILLION times after getting that note. Yes, I was in shock and hurt. He ignored all my calls. I begged him in a message to at least talk to me once. That he owed me at least a chance for us to talk as promised. I said everything I could and nothing, no response. I finally gave up and told him I would stop bothering him and that he broke my heart for ending it without even talking to me. Never heard a thing.

Then Tuesday comes(yesterday) I didn't contact him at all, was hoping to hear from him and thought maybe he just needed Monday to think. But no, never heard from him. I made the mistake of going out drinking last night and my dumb called him drunk sounding pathetic and asking for a ride and said if you give 2 s about me you will call, of course this was on his voice mail. Nothing, no response. Now I feel extra ty cause now he doesn't even care about my well being either and for all he knows I could have drove home drunk and crashed.
Now here I am wed morning. Lost, confused, hurt, angry, depressed. I understand the whole no contact thing. But my problem is, I never got to talk to him that one time I needed. I never got to get anything off my chest. I have absolutely no closure. I don't understand how after spending the night every night for several months, you can just vanish on someone and refuse to talk to them. It is not like I cheated or did something terrible to him. I never got to have my break up talk. I never got to talk to him like we planned and say any of my feelings. I feel so bottled up and he refuses to speak about anything with me. How can I move on when I feel like there is so much unfinished business? All I asked for was one conversation, and he won't do it. It's very bizarre.

Please help me to understand why someone would do this? Do you think he really just never wants to talk to me again?
Why would a breaker cut all contact, without even a single word or conversation? How could you do that do someone?
Do you think this sounds like someone who would contact me again?
And, how can I get through this when I feel like I never got my chance to talk to him about anything, he just disappeared? This is so hard.

I have so many memories of us in this house. Now out of the blue, my bed is empty and I sit here alone every night without any closure. It hurts so bad. One minute someone is with you every night, and then they are just gone without explanation. All I do is think of him.

If you made it this long, thanks for reading. Any help is appreciated. I may also make my own thread for other opinions, but I was really hoping to hear from Ash too. Thanks.

[Ash123]

Ash,

Is there a way to email you or talk to you directly?

Email me on my message option...

[Ash123]

"...We had problems and typical fighting. Everytime he always seemed eager to work through it and always wanted to stay with me. Well, this time no. Wednesday of last week I was being stupid and needy, and complained that I didn't get enough affection. Blew it all out of proportion. Told him not to come over Thurs(the next night) cause I wanted to be alone..."

1) Fighting is not typical... Disagreeing maybe. Fighting is not healthy.
2) Eager to work through it is not the same as compatible
3) Being needy is not stupid
4) I don't know if you blew it out of proportion or not, but you don't feel comfortable in this relationship. With yourself. With him.
5) You wanted to be alone. What is your relationship with your parents?
Do you need to be alone with them? Do you normally feel this emotion?

This relationship needs to be let go for now. I know this sounds crazy, but having him clear out was a favor. You need to be alone. To grow and think. Give it 90 days. Get a calendar. Put emotions in the boxes each day. They will change. I GUARANTEE there will be another love. And if you learn NOW you will thank me later. This happened for a reason.
You need time alone. Don't worry. All answers come when we relax. You will figure out the "clear out" one day... don't worry.

NC for now.

[Chris0107]

Ash, please read my other post on this thread about my situation and please share your thoughts

[Ash123]

Ash, please read my other post on this thread about my situation and please share your thoughts

I did. See my comments above.

Don't panic.

[Chris0107]

Ok got your response, thank you. Can you help me to better understand his refusal to at least talk with me once to at least end it? I feel I deserved at least that, but he just left without letting me have a word and this is what I'm struggling with, he just vanished out of my life

[Chris0107]

And I'm panicking because I feel I have no way to move on cause there is no closure and I never got to speak to him at all

[Ash123]

And I'm panicking because I feel I have no way to move on cause there is no closure and I never got to speak to him at all

Him not speaking is a protection mechanism.
My advice. If you sent him an email that was nice, leave him alone.
If you didn't, say something honest and nice about the relationship
And then leave it. I'd give him a long time. Closure? That comes with time.
I promise. What looks like a mystery becomes clarity when we do not try to control people and fate. He does not hate you. But if you bug him he may :-)

[Chris0107]

Okay but one last question, if I do nc which I will, given how he is being and our situation, do you feel he will ever contact me again?

[Ash123]

Okay but one last question, if I do nc which I will, given how he is being and our situation, do you feel he will ever contact me again?

You tried to contact him right?
Say what you have to say, if anything not said, then go NC.

Will he ever respond?
One day you will talk. When? I don't know, but things will feel different.
You both need to recover. You can't think clearly yet. So you have to suffer right now and learn. Work on yourself, no matter how hard it is, (gym, classes, friends, laughter, career).So, when you recover you are a better person. Or this time is wasted.

Going NC is a breakee's right. No guilt.

[Imabadman]

You know this was a really good thread with advice on surviving a break up... so what happened?!

I sorry... I guess I don't understand why everyone feels they must post their breakup stories here instead of starting their own post and asking for advice.

[Chris0107]

Sorry ima, I'm new and really wanted ash's advice. Didn't see how I could email him.

[Chris0107]

Thank you ash, I was hoping and still do hope I hear from him. I was hoping you would tell me he will circle back, but I guess every situation is different and I may never hear from him

[Ash123]

Thank you ash, I was hoping and still do hope I hear from him. I was hoping you would tell me he will circle back, but I guess every situation is different and I may never hear from him

Read all I wrote and it will make more sense soon

Cheers,

A

[iwishiknew]

Hi,

So I am confused. I have a guy friend that I've had a crush on for a really long time. We were really close when we were younger and then we broke away for about 3 years. Recently he started talking to me again out of the blue and we became good friends again. He was popping up on me online every day almost and talking to me almost exclusivley in public. I started to wonder why he suddenly started being friendly again and if he maybe liked me. (I still liked him). So then his brother ( we will call him Fred) was hanging out with a friend and Fred told his friend he had a crush on me but it wouldn't work out because I liked his brother. His friend asked him how he knew and Fred said he came across his brother laughing at something on the computer and he asked what was so funny. His brother told him that he was laughing at me ( we were iming) because it was "so obvious that I liked him and it was adorable and so he kept talking to me to lead me on." I would like to clarify I am not sure how he arrived at that conclusion be cause HE was the one who started talking to me out of the blue. I never said a word to him and I never started any of those conversations except for once or twice when I needed to.

Anyway so Freds friend was really upset and told his sister Gabbie who is my best friend. She in turn broke it to me. I of course was really upset because I felt humilated but what I couldn't figure out was why he had kept this up this long. We had been talking now straight since Dec and it was all him! My first instinct was to tell him exactly what I thought of him. But I can't say anything because Fred and his friend, not to mention Gabbie would all get busted for it. After I found out he told me on IM how he got accepted into a law school and I was pretty stiff and cold about it. He kind of deflated and I ended the conversation quickly. Later that week I got thrown with him in a group gathering and I tried to ignore him but he kept trying to get my attention and I kept crushing him with rude remarks or ignoring him. Nothing would deter him though he kept trying to talk to me and getting my attention. By the end of the night I was pretty friendly to him but watching myself. And we parted on good terms. But this week when I have been online he hasn't talked to me at all whereas he used to talk to me everyday. I am not sure what I think of his behavior. Was he just saying that to his brother to make him think he doesn't like me? Or was he actually being a jerk. I really do like him aside from this episode and would like to keep him as a friend even though I might have to avoid contact for awhile. I haven't been talking to or pursuing him but let him be. Do you have any thoughts because I am very confused. Thanks :)