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rimple011 · Apr 21, 2010, 04:02 PM

Hi!m a doctor residing in india.I love this guy who's a colleague.we have been in this wonderful relationship snce the past 6 years,n we both are deeply in love.bt recently,my parents started looking out 4 guys 4 marriage when this distant relative's son striked them right.the guy's parents had tried to negotiate since long and my parents had also started responding nw.I wasn't aware of all this till 1 year.wen I was askd about this,I simply denied saying that I can't be so selfish toleave my parents alone.that guy's an NRI.I tried to push the matter a lot but my parents just couldn't stop thinking about it.I told them about my lovelife and that created havoc in the family since the guy belongs to a different caste.I tried to convince them a lot but all in vain.thy even threatened me of suicide if I ever brought up the topic again.I kept silent for the whole last year because my mother had developed hypertension and my father had stopped taking all his medications.I was totally distressed out,more so because it was the most crucial stage of my career,I had to appear in the pre pg entrance exam,which obviously,I couldn't clear amongst all the tension.even my boyfriend couldn't.that guy's parents came meanwhile to india to meet me and I was called as if there was a puppet show going on.I was really depressed because our tenure of mbbs was going to get over in a few months and then we would be separated.n finally that too happened.now we have separated.its been around a month,I had decided to first get selected and then talk to my parents,but my parents disclosed that the guy's coming next month to meet me,n if thy found him right,thy would marry me within a week.I argued a lot and their final verdict was-if you want to be with that guy,leave our place right now.n the moment you leave this place,we shall commit suicide.you choose either him or us... I was left blank.I couldn't believe all this was actually going on... I didn't eat food 4 daz,it didn't matter to them... I didn't sleep 4 daz together... all in vain... I went to class and returned back around 10pm at night,all alone... didnt matter to them.all my relatives had started calling me to guide me away 4m my love.I had heated arguments with almost everyone I knew... 1 day I realised my mom was not feeling well... n out of an emotional breakout ,I told her that I'm ready to meet the guy.but now I think I did a big mistake.my parents would push me towards the guy and convince me to marry me by their emotional torture... help... I don't want to lose my love... earlier my parents were using the casteism as their sword,now thy are using the standards problm.the guy doesn't belong to a well to do family.. n that NRI guy is rich... so thy think I should marry him... help me...

Cat1864 · Apr 21, 2010, 04:18 PM

Rimple, I would love to be able to help you, but I am afraid that I do not understand part of what you are saying. Please use full words and paragraphs. Also, please, explain what an NRI is. Thank you.

talaniman · Apr 24, 2010, 07:55 AM

Non Resident Indian??

Cat1864 · Apr 24, 2010, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Non Resident Indian????

That is what I was thinking. However, with the amout of chat speak in the question, I wasn't sure if it stood for something else.

hungtoronto · Apr 24, 2010, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by rimple011

hi!m a doctor residing in india.i love this guy who's a colleague.we have been in this wonderful relationship snce the past 6 years,n we both are deeply in love.bt recently,my parents started looking out 4 guys 4 marriage wen this distant relative's son striked them right.the guy's parents had tried to negotiate since long n my parents had also started responding nw.i wasnt aware of all this till 1 year.wen i was askd abt this,i simply denied saying that i can't b so selfish toleave my parents alone.that guy's an NRI.i tried to push the matter a lot but my parents just couldnt stop thinking abt it.i told them about my lovelife n that created havoc in the family since the guy belongs to a different caste.i tried to convince them a lot but all in vain.thy even threatened me of suicide if i ever brought up the topic again.i kept silent 4 the whole last year coz my mother had developed hypertension n my father had stopped taking all his medications.i was totally distressed out,more so coz it was the most crucial stage of my career,i had to appear in the pre pg entrance exam,which obviously,i cudnt clear amongst all the tension.even my boyfriend couldnt.that guy's parents came meanwhile to india to meet me n i was called as if there was a puppet show going on.i was really depressed coz our tenure of mbbs was gonna get over in a few months n then we would be separated.n finally that too happened.now we have separated.its been around a month,i had decided to first get selected n then talk to my parents,but my parents disclosed that the guy's coming next month to meet me,n if thy found him right,thy would marry me within a week.i argued a lot n their final verdict was-if u wanna be with that guy,leave our place right now.n the moment u leave this place,we shall commit suicide.you choose either him or us..........i was left blank.i cudnt believe all this was actually going on........i didnt eat food 4 daz,it didnt matter to them.....i didnt sleep 4 daz together.......all in vain.......i went to class n returned back around 10pm at night,all alone........didnt matter to them.all my relatives had started calling me to guide me away 4m my love.i had heated arguments with almost every1 i knew.........1 day i realised my mom was not feeling well...n out of an emotional breakout ,i told her that i m ready to meet the guy.but now i think i did a big mistake.my parents would push me towards the guy n convince me to marry me by their emotional torture............. help............i dnt wanna lose my love..............earlier my parents were using the casteism as their sword,now thy r using the standards problm.the guy doesnt belong to a well to do family..n that NRI guy is rich........so thy think i should marry him.................. help me...........

I am from asia as well. I see a lot of cases like yours. In our culture, in a lot of traditional families, whatever the parent said, their kids have to listen. There is no but or if.

1. A lot of people were broken up because of the parent and were put in an arrange marriages. Some end up happy and some not.

2. There are kids that are rebellious and ran away and live together with their lovers and never see the parent again because the parent resent them forever. Over a long time they'll forgive and talk again but who knows it's a risk.

You are in a tough situation because you can't say no to your parent nor you can be with your lover. They don't seem to care about how you feel. In traditional families reputations are very important. If you were to run away with your lover or go against their wishes the neighbours will talk and your parent reputation will be crushed. Worse is they will resent you forever.

I am just giving you the scenarios above what you decide is up to you. Good luck.