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monikawelch · Dec 30, 2009, 09:54 AM

In 2006 my daughter's biological father sexually molested her. We filed charges and he was eventually convicted and punished for his actions. In his judgement it states he is never to have contact with her in ANY way. Having his last name is a daily reminder of him and what we've been through and she hates as much as I do. I feel prisoner to it and I'm sure she feels about the same. Not only does she bear the scars he has left but she also bears his name. She constantly has to explain that she has nothing to do with him. I am now remarried to a great man and we want to give her his last name. Not fully adopt yet because financially we are unable to pay for it at this point. We currently live in NC and her father is in TX. We are about to move to Japan so doing this over seas is going to be near impossible I imagine. I just want her to feel like we are a whole... not her as an outsider with the different last name. Another reason is we'll be trying for a baby soon... so she will be the only one with out our last name... she cringes every time I have to tell someone no her name is not " " it is this " ". I just want to end that part of her life for her.

artlady · Jan 1, 2010, 03:34 AM

Have your husband adopt your daughter.That is your only option.

cdad · Jan 1, 2010, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

Have your husband adopt your daughter.That is your only option.

This is not your only option but in a case like this it is the best option for you to take. The reason being your still going to have to get your ex's permission to do things either way. You still need to hire a lawyer either way. So why burden yourself 2 times and just get it over with. When you apply for the adoption you can have the name changed at that time. That way you won't have to keep explaining and with his record the courts can and will be likely to remove his rights and grant the adoption. In a name change situation they are likely to apply his rights and depending on the age of the child they may just allow a hyphen and not a full change as your thinking.

Seek the adoption route.

ScottGem · Jan 1, 2010, 09:07 AM

While I agree that adoption is the best route, I don't agree that you will need this creep's permission. If ever anyone met the condition of presenting a danger to the child, this creep does. I doubt if any court will hesitate to terminate his rights without even contacting him.

Its too bad, though, that you didn't consider this when the original judgment was handed down. I suspect, if you had asked the court at the time, they would have granted the name change.

You also say you can't afford to do an adoption now. Have you investigated it? Shopped around? Some attorneys may allow you to pay in installments. If you are leaving the country, it would be much better to get the adoption done before you do.

cdad · Jan 1, 2010, 10:26 AM

Leaving the country may require his permission. And not doing so could become very serious. The problem here is that there is unfinished business. So long as he still has rights then the courts will entertain asserting them. That's why its critical to get all matteres cleaned up now before a deeper hole is dug.

ScottGem · Jan 1, 2010, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Leaving the country may require his permission. And not doing so could become very serious. The problem here is that there is unfinished business. So long as he still has rights then the courts will entertain asserting them. Thats why its critical to get all matteres cleaned up now before a deeper hole is dug.

Out of greenies, but this is an important consideration. To obtain a passport and/or visa may indeed require the legal father signing off. You need to pursue this issue with the State Dept immediately.

I would seek out a Family Law attorney immediately (like Monday) because your plans to move may be constrained.