[JBeaucaire]

If you're really that unhappy then [quit] and find something else.

I'd adjust that to "find something else, then quit."

And when I left, I would gently but honestly tell them why I'm leaving. That's the only way they'll possibly get it.


This situation mimics "dating protocol" very closely. Most people are awful boyfriends and girlfriends until we've LOST enough of them and know what we did each time to cause it to try better each time with someone new until we finally get it right. It's hard to not be mad at someone who tells us we're bad and then stays in our life, they give us an out, we can be mad at them and not change anything.

But if someone tells us we're bad and does it calmly, not angry or aggressively, and then leaves our lives because of it, we're left with only ourselves to consider, better chance we'll improve that way. I call it "learning through loss".

[Evgb]

The fact is, it's bothering you, because you choose to let it.

You seem to be very sensitive and that's only going to work against you in the work place, unless you work alone or out of your home you're always going to be among other people and you're not always going to get along with them. It's time to get a stiffer spine.

I am a sensitive person. I do not consider that a bad thing. I think that for them to continually say these things to me is INsensitive. I don't care if you think otherwise.

[Alty]

I am a sensitive person. I do not consider that a bad thing. I think that for them to continually say these things to me is INsensitive. I don't care if you think otherwise.

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, when you're around family and friends.

Being sensitive in a work environment can make it almost impossible for you to work effectively.

I was like you. I used to work for a huge company and I have to admit that I cared what others thought about me. I had to learn the hard way that they're opinions didn't matter, I wasn't there to gain their acceptance, I was there to do my job. Once I focused on that I was fine.

If you cannot get over this then you'll never find a job you're happy with.

You have to be the duck, let the insults slide off your back like water.

[Evgb]

I've walked away from two jobs in my life for this very thing. They were in charge. It was their "house" and I wasn't a doormat. So I bid them well, told them the truth about why I was leaving ("I can't work for you, you think it's ok to treat me/customers/colleagues the way you do and it's not ok. I have to leave you to run this place the way you want. I wish you well and hope my work has been exemplary.")... and left. No regrets.

I'd say, in parting, that you leaving and telling them truthfully why you're leaving is the only way there's a chance they'll get better. Try to get them to stop while you're still there and they'll just blame you / abuse you for judging them. If you're gone, they have no choice but to blame themselves...

...and perhaps in that moment they'll do better for the next guy.

I have decided that in the month I have off from school, I am going to look for another job.
I have spoken to friends and family about this situation, and am honestly on here because I know they are sick of hearing it. And, even if they aren't, they have their problems too, and I don't want to be talking about this all the time.
Some people tell me that I have to tell them why I am leaving (the truth).
Some people say I shouldn't because that would burn bridges.
I feel like I should tell them why I am leaving because:
1. I think it could benefit the next person that works there.
2. It sounds a little flaky, but Karmically, it may benefit me to get the truth out, and maybe this won't happen at my next job.
I wonder if my supervisor would give me a good reference anyway? I mean, he's always seemed to hate me for no reason.

[JBeaucaire]

I am a sensitive person. I do not consider that a bad thing. I think that for them to continually say these things to me is INsensitive. I don't care if you think otherwise.

And that, dear, is why you fail. Asking people for their opinions and for their help, and then being defensive like this when we are all on your side and your side alone, this is why you're dissatisfied. About so many things.

[Evgb]

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, when you're around family and friends.

Being sensitive in a work environment can make it almost impossible for you to work effectively.

I was like you. I used to work for a huge company and I have to admit that I cared what others thought about me. I had to learn the hard way that they're opinions didn't matter, I wasn't there to gain their acceptance, I was there to do my job. Once I focused on that I was fine.

If you cannot get over this then you'll never find a job you're happy with.

You have to be the duck, let the insults slide off your back like water.

There is a lot more going on at my job than what is posted here. Just know that I'm not THAT sensitive. This is just a drop in a lake. The point is, I do not deserve how I am being treated. Period.

[JBeaucaire]

Some people tell me that I have to tell them why I am leaving (the truth).
Some people say I shouldn't because that would burn bridges.
I feel like I should tell them why I am leaving because:
1. I think it could benefit the next person that works there.
2. It sounds a little flaky, but Karmically, it may benefit me to get the truth out, and maybe this won't happen at my next job.
I wonder if my supervisor would give me a good reference anyway? I mean, he's always seemed to hate me for no reason.

Life is FULL of so much crap social science... and crap regular science... I mean, didn't your parents tell you not to go swimming for 30 minutes after eating? What a crock! Totally made up by some mom 100 years ago who got a cramp while swimming and kids have been paying for it forever!

Burn that bridge honey, if that's the only play left to you on the way out. You will NOT regret it, I promise you. You do not need the "reference" of fools anyway. Get the next job, THEN leave, make it a non-issue.

You're absolutely right. Only telling the truth with calm, gentle confidence, will do any good. Leaving and telling them nothing is a crock, too.

[Evgb]

And that, dear, is why you fail. Asking people for their opinions and for their help, and then being defensive like this when we are all on your side and your side alone, this is why you're dissatisfied. About so many things.

"I fail" haha. Don't call me dear, with that condescending attitude. I just love that people are judging me when they don't know the whole situation. I have my reasons I am dissatisfied and I don't need to defend myself to you. I came on here, because I needed to vent a little about being picked-on at work. Simple as that. I just wanted a little compassion. Then, I get these messages saying I'm too sensitive. If someone harassed you every day about everything, not just your food, you'd be dissatisfied too.

[JBeaucaire]

If someone harassed you every day about everything, not just your food, you'd be dissatisfied too.

Yep, I would. Very much so.

But dear, we're not your friends. We're your advocates. Unlike your friends, we don't have to assuage your gentle sensibilities. We're not afraid to judge and levy honest suggestions. Even your "I don't have to explain myself to you" stuff which probably gets some of your family and friends and maybe a colleague or two in line... even that doesn't scare us off.

We're here for you. That's why we spend time here on the forum. Because we think your issues are worth discussing with you. We think you can take it. We think you can handle it, even if you don't. We're OK making you defend yourself if it will help you in the end.

We only want one thing. For you to go away from this site feeling emboldened and ready to face your situations with a new resolve. That's all. We don't need you to like us at the same time. We're going to be completely OK if you overcome fully in spite of disagreeing with us.

Heck, we relish it! So make it happen.

... dear. ;)

[Alty]

"I fail" haha. Don't call me dear, with that condescending attitude. I just love that people are judging me when they don't know the whole situation. I have my reasons why I am dissatisfied and I don't need to defend myself to you. I came on here, because I needed to vent a little about being picked-on at work. Simple as that. I just wanted a little compassion. Then, I get these messages saying I'm too sensitive. If someone harassed you every day about everything, not just your food, you'd be dissatisfied too.

We don't know the whole situation because you haven't told us.

We base our posts on what you tell us, not what you're hiding from us.

As for being dissatisfied if someone harassed me, no, I'd be gone, or I'd deal with it.

[Evgb]

OK.

[Evgb]

The only thing that I am defensive about is the fact that I say what he has been doing, and then it seems like you are saying that I'm doing something to deserve it, or it's my fault that I let it bother me. I'm not, trust me, he's just an a-h*le. His behavior bothers me. Period. I don't deserve it. Period.

[Gemini54]

Look, the way I see it, you either deal with it (and grow a thicker skin), or you don’t. In the end, it’s really that easy, because it’s up to you.

Of course we all ‘deserve’ to be treated better in certain circumstances, but sometimes – in fact often – life isn’t like that. For whatever reason we get treated badly, or insensitively or meanly. Sadly, we don’t have control over how others treat us, but happily we do have control over our own reactions and responses.

If there is lots of $hit going down in your workplace and you don’t like it, then the decision to leave is a good one. Be aware though that your sensitivity follows you into every workplace and that there will be sarcastic, mean or annoying people everywhere you go.

We now have several generations of people in some workplaces – baby boomers, generation X and Y and now Generation Z. What this means is that not only will people be different but they will have differing approaches to their work and their colleagues dependent on their generational upbringing. It’s a melting pot and it means that we have to adjust to all sorts of personalities, attitudes and expectations.

If you continue to wear your sensitivity on your sleeve then people will pick up on it. Some people think that there is nothing better than needling someone who is sensitive – don’t kid yourself, even when you’re trying your hardest not to react they know they’re getting to you.

So, in the end the answer lies with you. Hard as it may be you have to lighten up. I assure you that I speak from personal experience here – I’ve been in your shoes and I do understand how hurtful and distressing your experiences in the workplace are.

Nevertheless, as I said, ultimately the only person that can do anything about it is you. If you can see and understand the lesson in this for yourself, your future workplace (and life) experiences will be much more pleasant.

I really do wish you well. Here’s to lightening up!

[Evgb]

"So, again, sorry I mistook your question about personality and reasons why he does things and talked about anything but him. My bad. I was trying to help, and clearly stumbled."

Wouldn't it make sense to talk about him, when I'm asking about him?
I don't enjoy arguing, so I am done.

[Evgb]

Look, the way I see it, you either deal with it (and grow a thicker skin), or you don’t. In the end, it’s really that easy, because it’s up to you.

Of course we all ‘deserve’ to be treated better in certain circumstances, but sometimes – in fact often – life isn’t like that. For whatever reason we get treated badly, or insensitively or meanly. Sadly, we don’t have control over how others treat us, but happily we do have control over our own reactions and responses.

If there is lots of $hit going down in your workplace and you don’t like it, then the decision to leave is a good one. Be aware though that your sensitivity follows you into every workplace and that there will be sarcastic, mean or annoying people everywhere you go.

We now have several generations of people in some workplaces – baby boomers, generation X and Y and now Generation Z. What this means is that not only will people be different but they will have differing approaches to their work and their colleagues dependent on their generational upbringing. It’s a melting pot and it means that we have to adjust to all sorts of personalities, attitudes and expectations.

If you continue to wear your sensitivity on your sleeve then people will pick up on it. Some people think that there is nothing better than needling someone who is sensitive – don’t kid yourself, even when you’re trying your hardest not to react they know they’re getting to you.

So, in the end the answer lies with you. Hard as it may be you have to lighten up. I assure you that I speak from personal experience here – I’ve been in your shoes and I do understand how hurtful and distressing your experiences in the workplace are.

Nevertheless, as I said, ultimately the only person that can do anything about it is you. If you can see and understand the lesson in this for yourself, your future workplace (and life) experiences will be much more pleasant.

I really do wish you well. Here’s to lightening up!

I agree with most of what you say here. After about the 5th or so post on here, I already decided what to do. However, people started attacking ME saying that I'm too sensitive, yada yada yada. I've only been defending myself here. I came on here to vent, not to defend myself. I know I'm the only person that can do anything about it, and so I am going to do something about it. As for lightening up, this is part of the problem-I am a really laid back person, and my work environment/co-workers are extremely uptight and serious. This is why it doesn't work. You can say I may be too sensitive, or need to get thicker skin, that's one thing; it's another to say I'm the one that needs to lighten up. I think there are a lot of people on here that need to lighten up, chill out, and maybe not come off so combative.
Thanks.

[JBeaucaire]

No one, no one, enjoys being told that what they think isn't all there is to think about. We like being told we're right. We like being told our position is valid and everyone else is wrong and blah blah blah.

But what you're missing, and I understand that, too, what you're missing is the things you don't want to hear are the only kind of things that are going to help you. And since you don't want to hear, all you want is consoling, well, we can do that. But what a waste of an opportunity.

Talking about him and why he does anything... a waste of energy for us. We are only hearing your side of it, so even if you're 1000% fair and accurate... so what? We can't tell you why he does anything.

Even if we pretend we're talking about him to keep you engaged, we're still really talking about you, because that's all we can really hope to affect... the person who is here and talking and interacting with us. He isn't, you are.

Heck, we can barely carry on a decent in-depth discussion with you about you based on the things we actually hear you say. And you don't want to hear it anyway.

That's unfortunate. While we've been discussing this with you, you "feel" like you're having an argument. Very bad result, I'd say. So much to be garnered, and once again feelings get in the way of the journey of discovery.

Well, if you feel better tomorrow and wish to discuss it, we'll certainly be around.

But if what you want is someone to pat you on the back, tell you everything is their fault and you don't deserve this or that or the next thing, well... you have friends to offer that unhelpful but comforting stuff. We're more interested in actually helping, something that is far more uncomfortable. We think you can handle the truth.

[Evgb]

No one, no one, enjoys being told that what they think isn't all there is to think about. We like being told we're right. We like being told our position is valid and everyone else is wrong and blah blah blah.

But what you're missing, and I understand that, too, what you're missing is the things you don't want to hear are the only kind of things that are going to help you. And since you don't want to hear, all you want is consoling, well, we can do that. But what a waste of an opportunity.

Talking about him and why he does anything...a waste of energy for us. We are only hearing your side of it, so even if you're 1000% fair and accurate...so what? We can't tell you why he does anything.

Even if we pretend we're talking about him to keep you engaged, we're still really talking about you, because that's all we can really hope to affect...the person who is here and talking and interacting with us. He isn't, you are.

Heck, we can barely carry on a decent in-depth discussion with you about you based on the things we actually hear you say. And you don't want to hear it anyway.

That's unfortunate. While we've been discussing this with you, you "feel" like you're having an argument. Very bad result, I'd say. So much to be garnered, and once again feelings get in the way of the journey of discovery.

Well, if you feel better tomorrow and wish to discuss it, we'll certainly be around.

But if what you want is someone to pat you on the back, tell you everything is their fault and you don't deserve this or that or the next thing, well...you have friends to offer that unhelpful but comforting stuff. We're more interested in actually helping, something that is far more uncomfortable. We think you can handle the truth.

1. Do you even remember my original question?:

My supervisor is really serious and gruff most of the time. However, whenever I tell him something serious or we're talking about something that is serious, i.e.. Talking about when I was really sick with the swine flu, he smiles; I mean gets a grin/smirk on his face. Sometimes he laughs under his breath at inappropriate times as well. What is his deal?

2. You can barely carry-on a decent conversation with me? All you have been doing is attacking ME. I have just been trying to defend myself when I didn't do anything wrong.

3. Do you have a degree in psychology?

4. Who do you think you are?

5. My friends care about me. They give me constructive useful advice; not always what I want to hear, but they aren't combative and rude.

6. Get a life.

[Evgb]

If you don't think you can carry on a conversation with me, then please do not comment on my questions. I'd rather not hear your opinion. You've been rude, condescending, and combative, and I have better ways to spend my time than to respond to your holier-than-thou ideals.

[Alty]

1. Do you even remember my original question?:

My supervisor is really serious and gruff most of the time. However, whenever I tell him something serious or we're talking about something that is serious, i.e.. Talking about when I was really sick with the swine flu, he smiles; I mean gets a grin/smirk on his face. Sometimes he laughs under his breath at inappropriate times as well. What is his deal?

2. You can barely carry-on a decent conversation with me? All you have been doing is attacking ME. I have just been trying to defend myself when I didn't do anything wrong.

3. Do you have a degree in psychology?

4. Who do you think you are?

5. My friends care about me. They give me constructive useful advice; not always what I want to hear, but they aren't combative and rude.

6. Get a life.

1. Yes, we remember it, but we cannot tell you why he does what he does. You know him better then we do and you don't know why so how would we?

2. JB didn't attack you, he gave you constructive criticism but you took it as an attack and decided to attack back. That's you, not JB.

3. Do you?

4. We're all here to help people but we can't read minds. We base our advice on the information given. The information you gave is not something we can form a definite opinion on. Like I said in #1, we don't know why your supervisor is like this any more then you do.

5. We're not your friends. Also, why not ask them this question, seeing as you don't like our responses.

6. And JB is attacking you? That was rude and not necessary. I suggest that you follow your own advice.

If you don't think you can carry on a conversation with me, then please do not comment on my questions. I'd rather not hear your opinion. You've been rude, condescending, and combative, and I have better ways to spend my time than to respond to your holier-than-thou ideals.

This is a public forum. Once you post your question it belongs to AMHD and anyone that's a member can answer. It's up to you, the original poster to decide which advice to accept and which advice to disregard.

I notice that you don't like being told what you don't want to hear. The truth is often hard to accept.

Good luck.

[JBeaucaire]

[sarcasm on]

For the life of me, I can't imagine why anyone would ever give this person a hard time, at work or anywhere.

</sarcasm off>

Fear not, my friend, no amount of rudeness will deter me from my goal, for thou art with me here, and yes, you are responding, so it's all good.

You don't have to be reasonable, we'll cover that. You just let it all out. We can take it.

Go team.