[leetaljeff]

...whatever goes on in her head shouldnt worry you now-you need to get over this for your own good.
......

She probably knows I am no longer interested, what should I possibly do get her back, or this is not recommended,as you might be aware she is as equally proud as I am and from her IMs, she seems to realize she made a mistake or not and that she wants me back. What should I do to win her back because I still do after a short time of healing

[kctiger]

she probably knows i am no longer intrested, wat should i possibly do get her back, or this is not recommended,as u might be aware she is as equally proud as i am n from her IMs, she seems to realize she made a mistake or not n tht she wants me back. wat shld i do to win her back cos i still do after a short time of healing

That's BS. If you actually give yourself time to heal you would not want her back. You aren't talking to a bunch of amateurs here, we have been around the block. End the contact and games and actually heal, not semi heal, or whatever it is you think you are doing... cut it out and put yourself together without a glimpse or thought of her.

[leetaljeff]

Okay I am a sort of person who doesn't want to believe failure, so after afew days of hinting to her we should minimize contact & she had probably not understood, I decided to chat with her on a number of issues, I think the reason why she dumped me was cause she didn't trust me & I was trying to compel for to make up her decission, at least this is what she told me in the sms she dumped me, anyway, I am really looking for a good relationship with this girl now that we can continue contacting each other but rather slow at a time b'se I do not want to be the one that got away.. this is an extract of the chat in Yahoo we had, what is the best advice you can give how I should proceed to be attractive to her while being friendly and taking it slow;



Jerryeguru: hi
Jerryeguru: so hw are things with u
Hellywilly: I think we agrd not 2 kp in touch anymore
Jerryeguru: well I suggested for it as I remember and now I am asking you to chat with me for a while
Hellywilly: OK, I think we hv 2 kp off frm each other
Jerryeguru: I know... but it doesn't make sense to me
Hellywilly: OK, thngs r OK.
Jerryeguru: ths thng of not contacting each othr is not a good idea... every time I feel like I'm getting better, everything just comes back in a flash
Jerryeguru: anyway, I want our friendship to start all over
Hellywilly: I think I need sometym away frm all ths frndshp you are talkng about
Jerryeguru: more time away you say... u still want us to stop contacting each other and knowing anything about each other, yes?
Jerryeguru: why does it have to be difficult I don't get it
Hellywilly: that's what you suggested
Jerryeguru: I wasn't thnking straight, sometimes I snap and don't wnt to be close to what happened that is why I wntd to stay away.. now I don't need it anymore and I wnt us to keep our friendship and slowly keep talking to each other
Hellywilly: anyway,its OK.
Jerryeguru: what do you mean its okay..
Jerryeguru: its OK we can keep communication and not ignore one another.. yes?
Hellywilly: its OK,we cn kp in touch once in a while
Jerryeguru: OK I like that
Jerryeguru: as long as I am not invited to any wedding... lol
Hellywilly: wedding?? lol
Jerryeguru: by the way I still don't know what made you read my note on fb & then just remove me as your friend b'se I suggested we keep minimal contact!
Jerryeguru: yeah like your wedding... I would def. not go can't bare the jealousy
Hellywilly: I always respect pple's decisions and suggestions. There was no need 2 kp you as my fb friend if we wr not going to kp in touch.
Jerryeguru: that was mean...
Jerryeguru: I said small contact for a couple of months not as in no contact
Hellywilly: mmmmh,OK.sorry 4 gettng you wrong
Jerryeguru: too much confusion btn us these days isn't it?
Hellywilly: I don thnk so
Jerryeguru: how abot mixed feelings
Hellywilly: ofcoz mxd flngs wl alwys be thea
Jerryeguru: so you still scared of me yeah.. anyway I become some othr person of late, since I started attending cell prayers near home for 2 weeks now every Wednesday
Jerryeguru: tell me what have you been up to, to try and let you relieve yourself of the suffering and heart ache
Hellywilly: yeah, generally I'm scared of men and committed r/shps. I don think if I wl hv 1 soon. Mmmmmh, prayers!that's good. I'm tryng to be vry busy both at wrk, univ and drvng school.
Jerryeguru: I knew you shld be scared esp. of me bt not all guys are th same by the way, some people are totally different
Hellywilly: mmmh,hop so.
Jerryeguru: why are you still scared of me if I may ask
Hellywilly: I won't b comfortable wth you in anyway bcoz of what happened btwn us
Jerryeguru: OK for me I don't know bt I don't follow popular sentiments about such things, depends on how you know me well or not, I do not c any reason why you can't be free and comfortable when I am arnd
Hellywilly: anyway,let me try 2 wrk on my life.mayb I wl change my attitude in future.
Jerryeguru: I think you are quick to judge
Jerryeguru: don't u agree
Hellywilly: kind of
Hellywilly: ish ish
Jerryeguru: as long as it doesn't make you miss out on something really special the next time
Hellywilly: I blv what was meant for me wl alwys be thea for me
Jerryeguru: anyway, I am sure you wl do better about it now that you know that exists in u,
Jerryeguru: sometimes what is meant to be can not be and end up losing because you didn't c it
Hellywilly: sure
Jerryeguru: I think we made a lot of mistakes bt th happiness out ways all the sadness and for that reason, I stl wnt 2 talk to u
Hellywilly: mmmh!! OK
Jerryeguru: u believe we made most mistakes than we saw the good times?
Jerryeguru: I think we had a great time bt bad things started happening to us and you got really scared
Hellywilly: yeah,we made mstakes and the nature of human bngs is to rmembr the bad thngs than good one.

Jerryeguru: its sad anyway
Hellywilly: yeah.I think we shldnt dscuss about what happened btwn us. That's the past.
Jerryeguru: all right I like that
Jerryeguru: I think if we are going to restart any sort of friendship btn us we can take it slow and forget everything bad that happened
Jerryeguru: that is th only way we shall not be resenting each other
Hellywilly: OK.I want to sidn out because I want to do some few thngs before I go 2 univ at 4.30pm
Jerryeguru: okay I undstnd
Hellywilly: bye
Jerryeguru: stop saying bye
Jerryeguru: hehehehe
Jerryeguru: OK do your work, we can continue some othr time
Hellywilly: why?
Jerryeguru: I don't like that word bye
Hellywilly: OK.take care.
Jerryeguru: u miss me still?
Jerryeguru: I miss th hellen that I was head over hills for...
Jerryeguru: tc
Hellywilly: yeah,sometyms I do miss u.

Jerryeguru: maybe we are meant to be... hehehehehehehehe
Jerryeguru: anyway maybe I shldnt hv said that, OK tc and good luck
Hellywilly: OK. Thanks.

Jerryeguru: 6 minutes to 4:30
Jerryeguru: aren't u going to be late
Hellywilly has signed out. (11/19/2009 4:25 PM)

[kctiger]

I assume she is Hellywilly, correct? It just doesn't seem, from everything I read on this, that she has a romantic interest in you anymore. Maybe I am just reading this wrong. I think it is over, and you should let it be over without continuing on this foolishness of confusion and fiction. Seems to me you are just dragging yourself through more pain and torture.

Am I reading into this the wrong way? I hate to say it, as I have been where you're at before, but I really think you are going to end up hurting yourself more by reading into this the wrong way.

[leetaljeff]

I assume she is Hellywilly, correct? It just doesn't seem, from everything I read on this, that she has a romantic interest in you anymore. Maybe I am just reading this wrong. I think it is over, and you should let it be over without continuing on this foolishness of confusion and fiction. Seems to me you are just dragging yourself through more pain and torture.

Am I reading into this the wrong way? I hate to say it, as I have been where you're at before, but I really think you are going to end up hurting yourself more by reading into this the wrong way.

I would really like to keep talking to her so that I also leave my options open with her, I know how rebuilding trust and the like can be, we used to talk abtou anything & she used to tell me she feels free talking about anything with me, she seems really honest & I can understand how she feels and what she is trying to say. I do not intend to drag her into a relationship at all, just be friends and see what might or might not happen.

[kctiger]

i would really like to keep talking to her so that i also leave my options open with her, i know how rebuilding trust and the like can be, we used to talk abtou anything & she used to tell me she feels free talking about anything with me, she seems really honest & i can understand how she feels and what she is trying to say. I do not intend to drag her into a relationship at all, just be friends and see what might or might not happen.

If you really want to do the friends thing, ask yourself this question beforehand: Can you handle seeing her being intimate with another man?

If you hesitate, or like most of us, if you cringe at the thought, I wouldn't be friends. You can't "friend" your way back into a relationship. Let's stop messing around here. You only want her friendship with the expectation of something more. By disappearing from her life, at least then you give her a chance to miss you and explore life without your involvement.

[leetaljeff]

If you really want to do the friends thing, ask yourself this question beforehand: Can you handle seeing her being intimate with another man?

If you hesitate, or like most of us, if you cringe at the thought, I wouldn't be friends. You can't "friend" your way back into a relationship. Let's stop messing around here. You only want her friendship with the expectation of something more. By disappearing from her life, at least then you give her a chance to miss you and explore life without your involvement.

I can't handle seeing her being intimate with some other guy and I would never wait to disappear from her if I'd see that happen, but I just want to be myself maybe we were meant to be maybe not.. I want to take my time and flee when the time has come for me to do so if there is some other guy being intimate with her.

[talaniman]

I didn't bother reading that chat/text stuff, but show me a guy who thinks he has a chance with a female who doesn't want romance with him, and I'll show you a guy who thinks his head is harder than a brick wall.

Accept her feelings have changed and get a life and leave her alone until you have healed enough to see the reality of your situation, and get a life that you enjoy without her.

Isn't this back and forth frustrating??

[leetaljeff]

I decided to delete her from my friends list in Yahoo chat, Facebook and her phone number, in January she tried to call me & I ignored the call, since then my healing started few days later, I had not recognised the number that had called, & I wrote an sms to the number assuming it was her who had called, my sms read in not many words, we can be friends but I need space, she later found out I'd deleted her number and started the healing process, she now days forwards friendly emails to me and copies her friends and family too in the mail, not personal emails, just friendly emails,she considers this list of friends and famiy very important in a way, anyway I have since replied only one which was not personal either (I didn't copy her friends or family), she keeps my pic on Facebook among her friends she adores (the list), anyway I don't read much into this kind of thing, because these days my dating skills have been improving and I am being less and less emotional towards the ladies, I am giving myself time to the gym, work, seeing lost friends, going out occasionally, & looking forward to improving my life and getting a pet, I am nolonger whinning and seeking her attention, I am really okay with it, since we are friends but we never communicate on a personal note.

My question is, if she keeps forwarding these kinds of emails to her friends,family & I, should I reply or just ignore, I don't intend to block her email just yet, I want to keep reminding myself there is someone better than her whenever I read her emails, though I never read into this kind of attention she seeks or is giving me.. is this a proper approach because I still want to be her friend but very less communication & never on a personal level because she has made me realise how much I didn't know about the dating scene. I am getting to study "womanise", lifting my self-esteem and not dating for a while until I am happy with myself & progress and my confidence is back and much stronger.

[amicon]

It's good that you are doing so much better-well done!

I'd delete her email address,but if you wont-delete without reading and don't reply.

Proper NC means no contact whatsoever,so ignore all communication.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

I think you stay with what's working for you and not relying is great, but I think deleting her would be better but it your plan so work it. If you have to make adjustments for yourself to further proper healing, do so.

[vanheart]

Shouldya went NC from the get go.

Would have saved you these posts.

Ignore her. Email, phone, texts, FB, and tell your family to do the same.

If you see her, then deal with it.

Cathy is playing you. You're just a "friend" now. Why wait?

Later skater.